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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He is up to something - wants therapists to release info to ct
Must Survive
♀ Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just knew STBXH was up to something. I just got a call from DS(16) therapists - the one that both DS and STBXH would go to every other week, sometimes monthly to try to mend their relationship. STBXH wants her to release info regarding the meetings they had. She wants DS to sign a release (and she wants to talk to him)(only if he wants to) and then she would only release dates of meetings and that she set them up (if I can believe her). She says that they might try to send a subpena for the info and if they do, she would still want a release from DS. That when this started she told DS that this was a safe place for him and was not going to be used in the courts or anything.

How do I bring this up to DS? Should I call my lawyer? I feel terrible that after being told he is in a safe place to discuss things, this is coming up.

School starts next week, he on an even keel. Been a pretty good summer. Now this.

If a therapists gets a subpena, does she have to disclose things?


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 748 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
FlySomeday
♀ Member
Member # 35150
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Definitely call your lawyer! While many therapists will make you sign something that says you agree that they won't have to testify in court. IF they are subpoenaed, then they do. Your attorney will definitely want to know what she will have to say as well.


Digging Deep in the Mud

Posts: 232 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Virginia
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And you sign nothing, Not One Damned Thing, without your lawyer's advice. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4804 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DS was the "client" not your STBX? So the medical records belong to the minor child. Which means the custodial parent(s) have legal rights to the record.

The therapist can refuse to release records or portions of the record for reasons such as it would be damaging to the treatment. If your STBX doesn't accept that then it could be subpoenaed and a judge would decide.

I would have a face to face conversation with the therapist about your concerns before you or she says anything to DS. Then I would expect her to address what she wants to DS. For you to have the conversation could lead to questions and concerns that you can't answer.

Giving him the dates and fact that he met is information he already has just not on official letterhead.

Good luck with this. I think how it is presented to DS is very important.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5821 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Must Survive
♀ Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CG,

Yes, DS was the "client". We both have "legal" custody with me having physical custody.

I know the way it is presented is critical. I actually think this could hurt the very fragile bit of relationship DS and STBXH has.

I am soooo concerned that DS will never trust anyone if this goes to court.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 748 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think it will necessarily go to court. That is several steps away. Right now he thinks he has asked for something and he will get it.

Sounds like the therapist is trying to head him off with presenting him the "schedule." If that doesn't work, then a conversation with him about the risks you mentioned might head him off. If not, then he is determined to skewer the relationship and there is not much you can do except help your son see what steps were taken to protect him.

I can't imagine your son being part of the decision IF it were to go to court. At that point it is legal right vs. the arguments that the therapist has for the "exception to the rule."

Try not to panic yet! If for no other reason than your DS will be looking to see what your reaction is for clues to what his reaction should be.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5821 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you have any idea why your STBXH wants the records released? What he possibly thinks is in there that would be valuable to him in court? I think that might be the first question your lawyer might ask...and it's a good one. Obviously your STBXH isn't thinking about your son's healing at all; he must know doing this will destroy his son and whatever little relationship the two of them have.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5485 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Kajem
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Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know your story-sorry. Your XH isn't thinking about your son at all. He has an agenda regarding the therapist visits.

Call your lawyer, he may be aware of the reason why XH has asked for the therapy info.

I would talk to the lawyer first. This may be standard operating procedure for lawyers. You won't know until you ask. If it isn't , then have the therapist talk to DS and explain the situation. Be there for your son. But don't be the go between for him with therapist or XH. Part of learning to trust peoe is deali g with the bad stuff in an honorable and forthright way. You and the therapist collaborating on how to tell him-well it would be suspect for my kids. Be there for him, support him in whichever way he chooses.

Remember- he trusts you because YOU haven't betrayed him. He has reason not to trust XH and this may add another reason to that list.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5083 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The potential for long term damage to your son is far too great. I can't tell you how many screwed up adults I know that refuse to get therapy because of this exact same type of scenario. If you teach a young person that their therapists office is not a safe place you WILL hinder their ability to get help as adults.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49476 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Call L ASAP about this......


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8005 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My kids' therapist told me she would not release her session notes without a subpoena, and even the the notes were such that no one would be able to gleam any pertinent information from them other than her because of the way she records them. I wouldn't worry - yet.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3585 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Must Survive
♀ Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 11:20 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks all,

I can't believe STBXH thinks that this will win over his DS!

I have already sent an email to lawyer and will call tomorrow.

I like the idea of speaking with the therapist first.

I honestly started boiling when I heard the message.

This is what I am thinking:

Talk to lawyer

Talk to therapist and explain that I understand that she was contacted by STBXH, but based on what was explained to my DS as for his privacy in this matter, I will not allow her to ask for his permission for anything. STBXH can look up on his calendar and figure out when they met. Anything else should be private.(I waiver a bit, is he mature enough to understand he is being pushed around and see it for what it is, or will he see it as an invasion/betrayal of what he was told at the start)

See if a subpoena comes her way, then discuss with DS.

I am just so po'd right now. Thanks everyone, just trying to help my son navigate through this mess without him picking up any more baggage than necessary.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 748 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 3:11 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My therapist told me basically the same thing that PurpleRose's therapist said "My kids' therapist told me she would not release her session notes without a subpoena, and even the the notes were such that no one would be able to gleam any pertinent information from them other than her because of the way she records them." But I agree that this would not be in the child's best interest and I'm thinking what the hell is STBXH's intentions???


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2196 | Registered: Oct 2012
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't have active advice on this but was writing to share empathy. One of the clauses that my lawyer caught is in this area. It talks about disputes with children and the "other side" tried to have it written so that counseling would not be confidential...and also that it would give up our right to go to court on any issues.

Something about it smelled rotten.

And I wanted to say that you sound like a good parent, with worry that your child will have trust issues. I can completely relate, as that's where both DD and I are now.

I haven't gotten her back into counseling yet because Nearly ExH inserted himself and managed to make her sessions about him, so much time and money was wasted and she didn't get anything out of it.

I wish you a moment's peace and am sad that it's happening. It's sad when kids have to be involved in the court process and also has been frustrating, the things that don't matter there.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Must Survive
♀ Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update:

Lawyer responded early this am via email. Said they had not heard anything from opposing counsel and that they will protect DS. They told me to have therapist contact them. After they talk to therapist they will go from there.

Then therapist called me back. I explained my position and she said she totally understood. She sounded miffed that STBXH put her in this position. She told me that she told him that DS stuff was private and she would have to have my permission to even ask him for permission. (She says she is not even going to bother my lawyer, and will deal with anything if a subpoena comes her way). So he knew it would go through me first. She said the only reason she thought about letting DS decide was to give him control over it. However I explained I felt this was 1 time, it was better he was not in the loop. She also said she will inform STBXH that she will need all 3 of our consents before disclosing anything. DS & STBXH have not gone for a couple of months and she said she wondered how things were going. I said ok, but if STBXH pulls this stunt what little relationship with DS he has will be gone.

And here is the kicker! She said "At some point in time STBXH will have to stop running from himself"

Just don't want DS or me to be his collateral damage.

Needless to say feel better. Alarmed about what he has up his sleeve, but my lawyer is aware and not concerned.

Thanks all!


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 748 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay! Great update. I am glad your support system is doing what it is designed to do.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5821 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Must Survive
♀ Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

STBXH just called DS and asked if he wanted to go do something. DS went out. (not a problem normally). They haven't seen each other for 2 weeks.

Just wondering if STBXH will ask DS to sign paperwork for the therapist. On 1 hand I think STBXH is a chicken sh*t and does not have the nerve for confrontation. On the other hand, he has not shown any concern for the well being of DS.

Does anyone else feel like they are playing a game of chess? What the next move should be?


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 748 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
Topic Posts: 17

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