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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Not sure what is harder...
veelop5
♀ Member
Member # 11089
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriously I have been gone for a year now and although the asshole is still doing crap that semi affects me I could care less...but since he was such a piece of shit I have a hard time putting trust in anyone and I hate it....I have been "talking" to a really nice guy that I have known for years and he is now available....He is open and honest and shows that he is really in to me...Yet I can't believe it even though it is right in my face. I am sick over this because I have earned this...I don't want to scare him away but I am feeling self sabatoge ahead....I am also questioning that even though I feel good and I am ready that maybe I really am not...but a good guy is hard to come by and I want to give this one a try...he is a pretty great guy (and he was a great guy before we started "talking")


ME-38
XH-40
3 beautiful boys (20,19 & 15)
Update: Moved in to my own apartment 8/7/2012
Divorce final 3/27/2013

Posts: 1085 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Pennsylvania
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

a good guy is hard to come by and I want to give this one a try

I don't think it's right to give it a try just because he's a good guy. If you aren't emotionally healthy and ready for a relationship, then you do him a disservice. He's a good guy, so don't subject him to unnecessary baggage. Heal yourself first. Otherwise, it won't work out anyhow and you may damage the friendship you already have.


Posts: 13353 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
veelop5
♀ Member
Member # 11089
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do feel like I have taken the time to heal...I mean yes I have more healing to do but I am ready to trust again. I am acknowledging it.


ME-38
XH-40
3 beautiful boys (20,19 & 15)
Update: Moved in to my own apartment 8/7/2012
Divorce final 3/27/2013

Posts: 1085 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Pennsylvania
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i can't think of anything specific other than to relax, enjoy and ease on in to it.

trust is earned. time is needed. but most of all just be in the moment and enjoy.

if his a good guy his words will match his actions over time.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8237 | Registered: Apr 2008
cayc
♀ Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you aren't emotionally healthy and ready for a relationship, then you do him a disservice.

You don't strike me as not emotionally healthy and ready for a relationship, you strike me as scared. And that's normal!

I'm so much better than I've ever been, but dating was scary. Scarier still once I found a guy I actually wanted. And I still have little panic attacks about it that come solely from me. From my fears that no amount of IC and healing are going to cure. Sort of like if a horse bucks you off, a little fear is going to remain until you get back in the saddle again and see that you aren't going to get bucked off again.

In my current relationship, we've had some miscommunication issues b/c of both of us having knee jerk reactions. And we're having to talk through those. And I'm real upfront about what my fears are too. So even though there is some of that legacy shit there, messing me up today, in real terms it's producing a better relationship than I've ever had before b/c stuff gets talked about. And RESOLVED. That's mind-blowing to me.

It's okay to be scared. And it's ok to explain yourself, where you're coming from. If he's the honest person you think he is, he'll account for your fears and it will produce better communication between the two of you.


BS 45, WH 38
M 8 years, together 10
Real DDay 10/07/11
Too many OW to count.
D final on 6/21/12
You have to walk away from the past in slow motion as it explodes behind you, like in a John Woo movie.

Posts: 2782 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
veelop5
♀ Member
Member # 11089
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you guys!!! Cayc you hit it right on the nail!!!!! I am scared....His action do follow his words....we are both amazed by how much we like eachother...we are both scared but he is very attentive and listens...I am not sure what will come of it but right now it feels rights and he is pretty amazing....


ME-38
XH-40
3 beautiful boys (20,19 & 15)
Update: Moved in to my own apartment 8/7/2012
Divorce final 3/27/2013

Posts: 1085 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Pennsylvania
Topic Posts: 6

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