Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: roseyposey (44693)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 9 years it took.I am at peace.
Pippy
♀ Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My Dday was 16 Jul 2004 when my 30 year M was very suddenly, unexpectedly ended. I went through all the nightmares that we, on this site, all experience, even suicidal thoughts. Thank God I didn't do anything stupid.

Anyway, I can finally say that I have put it to rest. I don't miss him, love him, care what he's doing or even think about him unless something evokes a memory. I no longer need photos and memorabilia of him.

A past SIer Moe Green once said something like, "We hang onto the grief because it is the only connection to our past". That was my first step to "recovery". I don't know what I would've done without this site.

You will reach this peaceful state and you will know it when it comes. Emotions even out. I can only describe it as peace - no other word fits as well.

Now I'm going to be really cheesy and post a line from the song that is stuck in my head. Reba's 'Falling Out of Love'. That line is "Nothing feels as good as letting go." (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e70VnU6101g)

Those of you still struggling, please believe that you WILL find peace too. Hang in there and keep working on yourself one day at a time.You WILL get there and know that you're going to be okay. Hugs.


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9587 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great post Pippy. I'm pretty much there also and it is just fine.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17319 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Pippy
♀ Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great to hear that Faith. It feels good to get off the roller coaster.

[This message edited by Pippy at 10:08 AM, August 8th (Thursday)]


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9587 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
FirstLoveGone
♀ Member
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm almost there too Pippy. I'm four years out.

So thrilled for you that you are at this stage in your journey.

I love that quote by Moe. I need to remind myself of that. In my case, I need to let go of the lingering grief so that I can let go of the past.


Posts: 1269 | Registered: Oct 2009
Pippy
♀ Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First Love Gone, I was stuck where you are for years. I was projecting how I felt unto him, when really he didn't give me a thought. He moved on before Dday.

What I was mourning was the future plans we had. We had a retirement home under construction, our 2 grandkids were just little and we were looking forward to all that, when he left.

But he isn't thinking about that and i have accepted that my life is just changing direction.

Once you finally admit that it is truly "done", you will start to feel better. I know you can't just go there and be "happy again". It takes time, conquering the little steps, one at a time.

This process is not easy but it WILL happen. Plans change, goals change and you gradually get stronger. Hugs.


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9587 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for sharing! Continue to enjoy your life's blessings!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2145 | Registered: Oct 2012
Helen of Troy
♀ Member
Member # 26419
Content  Posted: 11:57 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 4693 | Registered: Dec 2009
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you!

I realized the other day, his mind left our marriage a year before his body did, that's why he was emotionless to me when I found out.

I am gaining more peace everyday and it is heaven not to have to check up on him all the time!

I, too, look at this as a path I did not want for our children, but this is the path we are on, and life gives us all sorts of "forks".

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 2:28 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2058 | Registered: Jan 2012
Pippy
♀ Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

homewrecked, "emotionless" is a very good word to describe them. That was my first clue that ex had intimacy problems. Now he's OW's problem.

You will get there and find happiness - honest. And your kids will be fine too. I was shocked when my DD said she was surprised we made it to our 25th ann. I thought we had a perfect M! Live and learn. Good luck to you.

[This message edited by Pippy at 3:02 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9587 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad to hear that you are at peace.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 51908 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is a difficult path after infidelity to gain the peace but so worth it !

It's so nice to have everyday without a betraying XS.
Life is good again.
Happy Hugs for you Pippy !
Gma

[This message edited by gma56 at 3:54 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20364 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
laney57
♀ Member
Member # 35617
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pippy,
Thank you for the inspiation! So happy for what you've become!!


Me - BS, 43
Him - WH, 45
Married - 22 years
D-Day - 05/12/2012
Trying to find me.
Gotta do this, but I'm broken - headed for divorce - 02/20
Hell if I know - 02/24
INS 07/2013 Divorcing

Posts: 226 | Registered: May 2012 | From: KY
mom of 2
♀ Member
Member # 11214
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for this post! So often people think it will come when "you know they cheated", "when the divorce is final", "when you meet a new guy", etc, etc, etc.

I'm not quite sure where *I* am and it's been 7 years since DDay, but like you said it will happen in its own way and time. For some of us it happens sooner, others later, but it will happen. And none of us need to be on someone else's "just get over it!" timeline!

edited for clarity

[This message edited by mom of 2 at 7:38 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]


Me: BW
Divorced after 23 years of M thanks to XH's truth trickle.
Status: Recovering and healing. It's going to be a long hard road.

Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)


Posts: 13296 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: The suburbs of hell
Pippy
♀ Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You guys are awesome, and I wish they had a "like" button. I wish you all peace.


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9587 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's wonderful Pippy.

It's been three years for me and I am not at peace, however, I've come a long way since that horrible day in July of 2010 and I hope that it continues to get better.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1566 | Registered: Aug 2010
Crushed1
♀ Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Pippy))) I'm glad you have found peace with the past. Best wishes to you in your life!


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9693 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
Pippy
♀ Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ruined&broken, You WILL. Just keep your eye on the target. The process is not easy for any of us, but in the end, we finally let go and start our new path. Hugs.

Crushed1 - right back atcha! :)


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9587 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
15kat16
♀ New Member
Member # 34143
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

30 yrs M 32 together-he walked out 2 yrs ago but gone long b4 that-D still pending-he hates to give up control to the courts-no settlement in sight-trial set for Dec. Some days think I'm doing great-ready to let go-others I find myself in the depths wondering why I can't let go-sat in on deposition of his "CFO/mistress" last week-listening to her brag about their trips, her position in our company, flash her jewelery, all of it which I knew but having her throw it in my face just brutal-BUT I now know that truly any hope of him ever taking ownership of his actions is gone (he was there but only as an "observer" we exchanged stares a couple of times-like looking into the eyes of a total stranger). A new and stronger me evolving. Thanks, Pippy, for your post. Am very close to burning all the old letters, etc from our courtship days so long ago.


Kat(me)-64 yrs
WH-60
M-30 yrs together 32
DD-suspicions began 6+ yrs ago
2 adult sons - 3 grandkids
WH moved out Oct.1, 2011
I filed for D April 6, 2012

Posts: 46 | Registered: Dec 2011
Pippy
♀ Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

15kat16, that must have been a nightmare! Hugs. I hope once it is all settled, you don't have to deal with him any more - at least face to face. I was very fortunate that my ex moved 3000 miles away so I haven't had any contact for 7 years.

Burning the letters is a good idea. I've gotten rid of a lot of stuff. I had a few things I was going to mail to him, but then realized I just didn't care enough about him to please him in any way. So they went into the garbage. I didn't want him to think I was in any way trying to re-establish contact.

Burning my wedding dress helped too. I got rid of a lot of stuff. I had even kept one of his favorite weekend work shirts. No wonder I was so long healing!

It's very freeing to cleanse your souveniers. You're getting there, but it is too soon yet, with all the drama you have to suffer through. It will get easier when that is done. Hugs.


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9587 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
Topic Posts: 19

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.