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Newest Member: LostinBluseas (45054)

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User Topic: Is he mad I forgave him?
plainpain
♀ Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH was raised in an abusive home. I know he has a lot of buried resentment towards his mom for staying with her violently abusive husband. He always wanted to be different and have a different life for his children. Since his A, he feels very depressed (understandably).

Sometimes it seems like he is actually angry at me for forgiving him - like he has lost respect for me because I didn't kick him out. He keeps asking me if I am afraid to be alone, keeps reassuring me that he would provide for me and the kids if I left. He sincerely wants R, and I have zero doubts about that.

Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? Or if you are a WS, have you secretly lost respect for your spouse for forgiving you?


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 807 | Registered: Jul 2013
bookjunkie
♀ Member
Member # 39033
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a WS and I haven't lost respect for my H for forgiving me. But my problem has been that I felt (and sometimes still feel) like I should be "punished".
Could that maybe the case with your WH?


WW 43 (me)
BH 45
Married 24 yrs
3 kids
DDay 2/10/13 Confessed
Reconciling

Posts: 63 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Southern USA
plainpain
♀ Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Both his parents operated that way, and that could be part of it. I think maybe he is just waiting for me to punish him, more than he feels like he 'deserves' to be punished, and he would rather I just do it now than save it up for 20 years down the road. I don't want to punish him. But I do really feel sometimes like he thinks that I am weak for not throwing him out. It's his issue, but I'm not sure what to do about that.


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 807 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 3

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