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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Its official. I hate her.
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, but I disagree on just ignoring this. I would ignore the emotional outburst, but I wouldn't ignore the loan. You do owe her the money after all, right?

I'm not an attorney and this is not legal advice, but in what I've seen and heard, courts tend to be most gracious if a good faith effort is being made to do the right thing. For you, I would think that would mean responding to your mom with plans of when and how you are able to repay her (even if it's $50 a month for the next 2 years, compounding for interest), and then following through.

If you ignore her, who knows what a judge would think.

ETA: My response to her would look something like this:
Mother,
You were missed at Piper's birthday party. I understand your need to have the money you loaned me on xxx-date returned. Unfortunately, as this is the first discussion we have had regarding the repayment terms of the loan, at this time I don't have the funds to repay it in a lump sum. My budget does allow me to pay you $50 a month. I will send a check today and one on the first of each month following until the loan is repaid.
Shelly.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 11:47 AM, August 8th (Thursday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have no intentions of ignoring her on paying her back. This was not a loan in writing and we did not have any set time frame on when she was to get the money back. I told her back in June that I would pay her some more money on that bill when I got my taxes back this next time...so I guess in February? She agreed to this in an email and told me that was fine and she didn't need the money right now and she knew I would pay her back so she wasn't worried about it. I plan on sticking to my word. I'm not going to NOT pay her back. I'm good for what I owe her. She just has to wait until I can afford to do it. I've been completely forthcoming on my financial situation and when I would pay her back. I haven't been avoiding her or anything and I made good on the $600 deposit that I owed her and paid her that back when I got my taxes back this last time. I just couldn't do it all at one time. Its just me and my tax money gets spread throughout the year on baby clothes and other necessities. (And to be honest.....I don't even have $50 a month right now...I have other medical bills that have been sitting forever that I'm trying to figure out how to pay and I have had to sell things on Ebay just to make ends meet) I'm struggling. And, she knows that.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, if you have an agreement in writing (email) I'd sent her a polite, professional response, something like, "per our agreement on xxx-date, I will repay the loan when I get my tax return in 2014"


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, but I disagree on just ignoring this. I would ignore the emotional outburst, but I wouldn't ignore the loan. You do owe her the money after all, right?

If it was a loan, and not a gift she is trying to recollect on, yeah she should pay her, and small claims would tell her so and help set up a payment plan, so she wouldn't just be ignoring the debt. It still sounds like mommy dearest is trying to change the terms of the loan out of spite. I don't believe that deserves an acknowledgement, certainly not a nice one aimed at keeping the peace.

Maybe talk to HR about changing your withholding so you don't have to wait for a tax return. I'm sure someone smarter than me can help you with the math. Then send her the extra money with the memo line reflecting balance due as persevere suggested. If you are making even $20/month payments she is probably going to have a hard time getting this through small claims.


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3450 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm at the point now where I'm not going to say anything else to her. If she takes me to court, fine. I will take our agreed upon email to court showing the judge where she agreed to waiting for my tax return and when they order me to pay her, I will then set up the minimum monthly payments allowed by the court stating that I cannot do a lump sum and DRAG it out.

I will not let her bully me. This is a tactic my XWH did to me during the D and after we got divorced....and I do NOT respond well to being bullied.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My response would have nothing to do with "keeping the peace" (I'm not sure what peace currently exists to keep, but hey, semantics) - it would be to CYA legally.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
uncertainone
♀ Member
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If your relationship with your mother is stressed and difficult why borrow money? That strains even the most stable relationships. Every purchase can be a reason for resentment. Honestly if I owed someone money a party for a one year old is not something I'd be spending on especially if things were tight.

There's so much you can do for nothing that are special. Year old parties are more for others anyway.

Pay her as much as you can then never borrow another cent. No reason to hate her. You invited her in with the debt. That's a tie that was wholly unnecessary.

Your sister makes your financial decisions? That's something I'd stop as well. Other's intimate knowledge of my life regardless of affiliation.


Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth


Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Things weren't strained with us this badly when I borrowed the money for the medical bill. My sister doesn't make my financial decisions for me, she just thought she was helping because it discounted the bill if I paid it early. She doesn't have a say in my other finances.

The party I had for my daughter was cheap. I had it at a park and paid for decorations by going to the dollar store. Hardly a blow-out shindig. I just wanted to do something fun with my friends and family to celebrate. That's all. We don't get to do a whole lot.

I don't intend on ever borrowing anything from her again. I haven't borrowed money from her in the 34 years I have been on this planet until now. Lesson learned. The hard way I guess.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I were to have a response, it would be something along the lines of; I don't think the selection committe for Mother Of The Year will accept your nomination if you're taking a child to court to repay a loan that has a payment agreement arranged for 2014. I guess I'll rescind the nomination.

Hugs Shelly please keep piper away from her. It will only mess with her head.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5270 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Kajem....I agree.

I told my mom BEFORE she ever paid that bill for me that I had no idea when I would have the money to pay her back but that I promised I would. Then, I committed to paying her back that bill when I got my taxes back because I paid her back the $600 I owed her this year on my taxes. There was never a written agreement in place. There wasn't even a timeline until I made one! I am making good on my promises and despite if she and I ever speak again....she will get her money as promised.

She is only doing this to be mean and spiteful. She wants to hurt me. Mission accomplished.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 3:33 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't respond - I would try to end this debt ASAP by repaying her. Is there someone else who can lend you the money to repay her then you repay them on the plan you had with your mum?

Ignore her tantrum. Let her take it to court.

She is entitled to behave in any way she sees fit. She is entitled to be a giant sack of shit and use this debt against you.

You've learned an important lesson here - you cannot trust her - you cannot rely on her.

She doesn't give a flying fuck about you or your daughter.

Once you repay her this you never have any further interaction with her.

This isn't about the $950 - it is a lot of money and perhaps she is concerned that you have no intention of repaying it but that is not what her text screams out to me.

It screams of power, control and vindictiveness.

What an ugly, ugly person she is. Yuck.

I hope you've had enough of this now. Find your anger and NC the bitch.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 6:26 PM, August 9th (Friday)]


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 31
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