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Newest Member: TryingToReform (45458)

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User Topic: Its official. I hate her.
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Sad  Posted: 12:22 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mom missed my daughter's 1st birthday on Saturday. And, she has now sent me an email saying the following:

Since I have been permanently thrown off the island, I guess now is the time to pay me back for my $ 950.00. It's been over a year and if I am now not a part of the family, I would like to have my money.
Please don't make me go thru the court system, you already hate me enough.
Mom

I told her 2 months ago that I would give her some more money when I get my taxes back. I paid her back the $600 I owed her the last time I got my taxes back from when she helped me with my deposits on my apartment when I was pregnant and needed help. Then, my sister thought it was a bright idea to let her pay the discounted birth bill for Piper because I got a discount for paying it early. I wish I had gone through the hospital instead. I voiced this concern to my sister at the time too. I knew this would happen.

I've never asked my mom for help my entire life...until these 2 times.... and I guess if she has to take me to court...so be it. I don't have it. Period. And, I've told her that. I'm a single mom struggling to do this all by myself getting a measley $65 a month from the "supposedly" unemployed sperm donor....I had to sell things on Ebay this last week just to make ends meet after paying for Piper's birthday party!

I hate her.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 12:24 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((shelly))) yikes! The dysfunction continues, I guess that isn't a surprise but it really, really sucks!


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3219 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Curious, why does she think she's been "thrown off the island"?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13812 | Registered: Jul 2011
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Curious, why does she think she's been "thrown off the island"?

Probably because when she purposely turned her cell phone off on my sister and avoided her phone calls to come pick her up for Piper's birthday party, my sister left her a few choice voicemails in response.... (not that she didn't deserve them!) I never said a word. She wasn't worth my anger or my breath.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's a manipulative ploy. I wouldn't even respond. Let her take you to small claims if being a bitch is that important to her.


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3478 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
meaniemouse
♀ Member
Member # 10798
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shelly--tell her to take her story to court. That you'd LOVE to hear her tell a judge what kind of mother she's been and how she's trying to blackmail you, a single mother who gets no support from your baby's SD, who works HARD to meet your responsibilities as a mother and citizen, who WORKS for a living and doesn't ask for help despite limited resources, for a freaking $950.00. And tell her you will be sure to invite your dad, your sister and every single one of the people who love and support you so they can hear it too.

Tell her to bring it on.
I swear, sweetie--if you lived closer to me I would adopt you and Piper myself. I always wanted another daughter!

Hang in there, you poor baby. What she does and what she says is absolutely NO reflection on you!

(((((Shellybeanz)))))


Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James

Posts: 2128 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Midwest
Dawnie
♀ Member
Member # 26912
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a sad excuse for a mother... keep your chin up!

((Shelly))


DIVORCED! Remarried to a real man!
BW (me) - 41 (now 46)
WH (him) - 43 (now 48)
OW - 23 yr old foreign gold digging whore looking for her American meal ticket
1 14 yr old son (now 19)
married 20 years/together 25 years
D day - 9/23/2009 5pm

Posts: 802 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Mid Atlantic coast
Too_Trusting
♀ Member
Member # 99
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, just WOW. I am speechless, and soooooooooo incredibly sorry, Shelly.

Taking her DAUGHTER to court for less than $1,000?

WOW.


"Anyone perfect must be lying; anything easy has its cost. Anyone plain can be lovely; anyone loved can be lost." Barenaked Ladies

Posts: 2484 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: North Carolina
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I swear, sweetie--if you lived closer to me I would adopt you and Piper myself. I always wanted another daughter!

I might move closer to you! LOL! I would kill to have a REAL mother ....and a real grandmother for my daughter. My mother is a poor excuse for a human being....

Some people have no soul.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
timeforchange
♀ Member
Member # 27454
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

However hard and hurtful her behavior at the weekend was... Maybe it is a blessing in disguise.

She sounds horrendously toxic and mean. Not really the kind person Piper needs in her life.

She has opted out.... It truly sounds like that may be the very best thing
For you all.

Imagine if she was living with you or popping in every day... Imagine that toxicity every day ......

It really sounds like you will be better without her.

As for the money.... WOW!!!!

I would go NC. It sounds like an empty threat to me.

Did she put in writing to you that it was a loan???

If not I think it would legally be considered a gift.

Hugs to you and Piper.



Me = BS aged 43
2 boys, 13 and 9
DDay 1/19/10
Confronted him 2/16/10
Finally Divorced 8/29/12

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”


Posts: 726 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Expats in Europe
fallingquickly
♀ Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry that you don't have a proper mom for you and grandma for your daughter. I'm not a grandma yet but I can't imagine missing a grandbaby's birthday.

hugs


Divorced and beginning my new life.


2 Ddays and lots of TT
divorcing

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken


Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
heartbroken_kk
♀ Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shelly,

Seriously. Why not just cut her out of your life?

Just because she is your manipulative, vindictive, crazy mother doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with her. Of any kind.

People do "disown" their parents.

At any rate, step away from the crazy


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1221 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let her take you to court. They have this thing called a payment plan. I would not respond to her. Just ignore her!


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4792 | Registered: Feb 2008
Griefstricken25
♀ Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with cutting her out of your life. She is toxic and harmful to your heart. Everything that comes out of her mouth (or in writing) wears you down further. That toxicity will only trickle down to Piper, and you do not want that.

I'd ignore her stupid blackmail. Let her threaten. She is no mother. Anyone who would take her daughter to court for something like that, is NO MOTHER. Imagine you treating Piper that way?! No, you never would.

I'm so, so sorry, Shelly. I can't even imagine the pain you are experiencing. ((((hugs))))


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2524 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry She11y ! Some people don't deserve to be a parent or grandparent.
Time to take another toxic person out of your life. Keep her arms length and never close enough to ever hurt you or Piper again.Yeah,I adopt kids and grandkids too. There's millions of us out there.
Gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20384 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't imagine missing a grandbaby's birthday.

I can't either....and I can promise you that if and when my daughter has children of her own.... I will be an awesome grandmother!!



"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
meaniemouse
♀ Member
Member # 10798
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SB,
The door is always open and the Midwest is a great place to raise a family. Slight warning:
You would be exchanging one kind of crazy for another. However, our kind of crazy comes with unconditional love and support, never, EVER missing a birthday or any other reason to celebrate and a whole lot of bad shit for anyone who dares to hurt one of "ours." The women in my family are downright scary when that happens but we can't help it. Sicilian ancestors --what are you gonna do??


Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James

Posts: 2128 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Midwest
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mom used to behave the exact same way. My only advice is DO NOT ENGAGE - not one bit. Do not reply, nothing. It's like a toddler, they want attention, even if it's negative attention.

If you want to, and are able to, send her $20 per month, but keep copies of the checks(or money orders) and the repayments. Maybe write "Balance now due - $930" on the memo line. (Or don't) I wouldn't acknowledge anything she's said in any other way. Then when you do get your tax refund send her the balance with a memo showing "Balance now due: -0-" and leave it at that.

Do not give her any other emotional energy.

((Shelly)) I KNOW how hard this is - you've dealt with this disapproval and anger your entire life, I did the same. You have to turn it around now, and take back your power - she does not get to manipulate and control you with her anger - not any more. It's not easy and it takes practice, but it gets easier.

Weirdly enough, XWH is the one who helped me learn to set the appropriate boundaries with my mother. Crazy huh?


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4628 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
stupidstupidme
♀ Member
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's a manipulative ploy. I wouldn't even respond. Let her take you to small claims if being a bitch is that important to her.

BINGO


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19738 | Registered: Aug 2006
StrongerOne
♀ Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NC (but you know that).

Pay her back on the schedule you promised.

Let her "take you to court." Seriously, if there isn't anything in writing about it being a loan only, it's going to be judged a gift, and then your tool of a mother will have wasted time and money on small claims court. I doubt that you will even need to spend any money on a lawyer or legal advice. Take your documentation if it gets to court.

I'm sorry your mom is such a loser. *You* are clearly an awesome mom!


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 879 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 31
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