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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: i trust but i should not
huRtZ413
♀ Member
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so let me start by say WH has been pretty great he showers me with attention and our daughters the babies love him even more these days in fact my smallest now cry s for him when going to work (she never cared before she was all about me ) he has this thing with them i had wished for since we had them but work and xbox always was first so i love this new change and its been on going he junked his game system and is devoting everything to us after work . he cooks cleans does laundry washes up the girls and at the end of the day he asks me to go outside on the porch with him for a chat every night.


this was a one time mistake i tell myself, he is human i tell myself he loves us i tell myself. he said on many occasions whatever it take baby no matter how big or small and it all helps .


so do i trust him ? i hate that i say YES!
i hate that i believe he is truly committed .


so where im at is do i trust him YES should i trust him NO so i watch everything he does though there are absolutely no signs he is completely accountable and open about everything . still i track him on his iphone just cause .....i feel i should and he is aware of it to and doesn't mind . do i think im gonna find anything hell no but i wont be dumb either .

i guess im just waiting for the second time because it wont be pretty and i leave him with no time to explain himself and he knows it i wont do this shit again ever! I know now that a second is without a doubt a deal breaker hell this first time was to because i wake up trying to tell myself HURTZ413 stay please calm down the girls deserve a shot at a real family unbroken they love him you love him he is doing everything for you see where it goes



me_BW
him_WH


I'M ON THE FENCE



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
doesitgetbetter
♀ Member
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Enjoy this time, it usually doesn't last long... I say this from years of being on SI, and from personal experience. I call it the "honeymoon phase". It's where the BS is still rationalizing the infidelity (it was just a mistake, he's perfect now, look how much more he's plugged into our family, it won't ever happen again) and dreaming that this bliss can last forever. Unfortunately, those thoughts are not reality and there is often much more doom and gloom to come before things truly get to a place where the BS can have real, honest, deep trust in the WS and where the WS actually DESERVES that trust.

I was that was as well at 3 months out. Thought we were going to be the rockstar couple who fully healed in like 6 months flat. We were graduated from MC before we hit 4 months even. Then there was TT, then the anger really set in (and I thought DDay was full of anger, HA!), then the antiversary was near, and on and on. I was so set on being a rockstar, that I tried to jump past some of the phases, and I had to admit to myself that there was no jumping allowed in true healing. It was a sad day for me to realize that and admit it.

I don't say these things to discourage you, only to set up real expectations and to let you know, ahead of time, that it's ok if you're not the rockstar BS that you want to be. It doesn't mean you're a failure, it doesn't mean your R is fake or worthless or doomed... it simply means you are just as human as we all are and you process the healing the same way as most of us do.

Enjoy the feelings you have now, but brace yourself for the downward ride on the coaster.


DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
Topic Posts: 2

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