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Newest Member: KevinTheAsshole (45445)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: She's Ruining Other Lives Now
NGFinishLast
♂ New Member
Member # 38233
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My STBX WW and I have worked really hard to maintain some semblance of a friendship for our daughter. These last two months have been rather nice, surprisingly.

We recently had a conversation that we shouldn't have had on the topic of us moving on. She's extremely apologetic for what she did and keeps encouraging me to "get back out there" because she thinks I deserve to be happy. I asked how she was doing.

An hour and a half later I walked away from the conversation knowing that her guilt has led to her fatalistic belief that karma is waiting around the corner for her to fall in love so that it can get her back for what she did to me. She's sworn it off and is having strictly sexual relationships with the upfront acknowledgement of no strings attached.

That didn't bother me, believe it or not. What bothered me was her saying that she only goes out with guys in her situation who have kids and complicated relationships. "All of them are either married or have girlfriends." I didn't express my disgust, because I knew she'd think I was really jealous about her having sex.

I did something I haven't done in a long time. I checked her Facebook account later on and sure enough there were naked picture messages to one of the guys. There was a conversation about their recent hotel adventures and (as sick as this is) all of it was intertwined with conversations about his wife's pregnancy and their recent baby shower.

I guess this is more of a vent than anything else, but I just can't believe how much she's changed. She's repeatedly expressed deep sadness for breaking up our family, and now she's out freely doing it to other people. How? Why?


D-Day: January 2013
Me, BH: 31
Her, WW: 31
Married 10 years
Kids: Daughter, 3
Divorced: Sep 2013

Posts: 46 | Registered: Jan 2013
JessicaFL127
♀ Member
Member # 26864
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh. What is wrong with her?


BW,32
divorced for 6 years
mom to two awesome boys,10 and 9

"But you said your vows, and you closed the door
On so many men who would have loved you more" -Cath, DCFC

"The most amazing things can come from some terrible lies"


Posts: 1244 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Missouri
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's just awful and self-destructive. How sad.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8112 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The bitch in me would have sent that guy an email from her Facebook stating..."oh by the way, I forgot to tell you I have genital herpes. Hope that doesn't change things for us." or something equally tacky

[This message edited by lieshurt at 12:43 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)]


Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13818 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The bitch in me would have sent that guy an email from her Facebook stating..."oh by the way, I forgot to tell you I have genital herpes. Hope that doesn't change things for us." or something equally tacky.

Better yet, update her profile - i mean, how often do you look at your own "about" section right?

"Thankfully the Acyclovir is working great! Haven't had a flair up in MONTHS"

[This message edited by Undefinabl3 at 1:34 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)]


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2012
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess this is more of a vent than anything else, but I just can't believe how much she's changed.
She problaby never really changed. This is who she likely was all along and her inability to work through her own issues is pushing her further down the rabbit hole. The type of discussion you had is exactly why I am NC except kids and finances with my STBXWW. I could care less who or what she is doing and don't even want to open the door to the possibility of friendship. We are cordial but that's about it. I refuse to be her sounding board or shoulder to cry on. Was that discussion supposed to make you feel sorry for her or her feel better about herself. There was no logical reason for her to even tell you that as far as I can tell other than to try to get a reaction out of you. Her actions scream self destruction.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1914 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Thankfully the Acyclovir is working great! Haven't had a flair up in MONTHS"


Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13818 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh. Stay off her Facebook. Then there are no moral dilemmas. Like, knowing the guy she's fucking has a pregnant wife---who is now being exposed to God knows what, from God knows how many partners your wife has had, and is now sharing with her husband.

The pregnancy thing really bothers me, because there's a generally innocuous (to the mother) bacterium (Group A beta-hemolytic strep) that is sexually transmitted---and is the primary cause of infectious disease/death in newborns in the U.S. It's screened for early in pregnancy---but if contracted later (say, by sex with a woman who's playing the field) can go unnoticed. (With my last pregnancy, I was screened on the day of delivery only because electronic records were not yet in use and my doctor was out of town. It was the deciding factor in having a c-section; there was not enough time to hang enough antibiotic to protect my son during a vaginal birth.)

I'm not sure how registering disgust at sleeping with married or otherwise attached men would translate to her "being jealous she is having sex."

But really, she doesn't give a crap whether you approve.

I think the pregnant woman might like the opportunity to be screened for STDs that might affect her unborn child---and to be re-screened for Group A beta-hemolytic strep--so that she can avoid the leading cause of infectious disease/death in newborns.

Ordinarily I'd just say NC NC NC. I'd say, "Lose that FB password, like, yesterday."

But there is a pregnant woman being exposed to the pathogens your ex has gathered as she's collected sexual experiences with married and otherwise attached men.

And I think she should be told. Copy and paste the exchange, and send it from a dummy FB, if you don't want to be associated with it.

But at least give the woman the chance to be screened before her baby is delivered.

PS--There is NO reason to have a "friendship" with the mother of your children. Superficial cordiality is what most aim to achieve. This woman is NOT your friend. Your feelings since your conversation make this very evident.

[This message edited by solus sto at 2:09 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)]


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8888 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She believes karma is waiting for her? THAT is her rationalization for her behavior? I would suggest maybe karma is waiting for her in the form of a distraught BS/wife of one of these men who will act on one of the revenge fantasies. Maybe karma waits for her in that she will become one of the pathetic OW who falls in love with a man who doesn't leave his family.

She's delusional and you can't fix her. Talking to her seems to be a crazy making endeavor.

I second solus sto reasoning for letting the pregnant BS know. So sad.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5864 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Housefulloflove
♀ Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's one sick puppy. She feels that bad karma awaits her because of what she did to destroy her family and the way to avoid the consequences is to destroy other families?!

I agree with solus sto...why be friends with that disgusting excuse for a woman? If being a "friend" includes having conversations where she talks about her intent to do malicious things, is that really something worth the effort?

That would drive me to insanity.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Print out that fb stuff now! Is she screwing these guys when you daughter is there? Can your atty stop this behavior when your daughter is there?

Also, if you print out the fb stuff and take it to the pregnant wife, it will show her you know what you are talking about and she can protect herself. If you don't want to tell her yourself, you can pay a PI about 50 to do it for you... She needs to know...


Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed


Posts: 2252 | Registered: Jan 2012
NGFinishLast
♂ New Member
Member # 38233
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The guy's profile lists him as married, but doesn't say to whom. Their messages never mention his wife by name, just "the missus" or "she."

Whoever she is, my heart goes out to her. I doubt my wife is the only "other" one.


D-Day: January 2013
Me, BH: 31
Her, WW: 31
Married 10 years
Kids: Daughter, 3
Divorced: Sep 2013

Posts: 46 | Registered: Jan 2013
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ohhh man, detach. NC = no new hurts. It's hard to do but essential to your healing.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5298 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 11:54 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yuck. Just.Yuck.

I'm with the Do Not Look at her FB crowd.

You know enough. Knowing more not only verifies what you do know it also messes with your head. It keeps you attached.

If you can't stop yourself do a password change on her FB account or put the wrong password in several times so it is locked and she is forced to change it.

You have no idea if these douches are married or just saying that to bunny boilers like her.

NC means NC. You need to stop chatting. It seems like its not a problem but how can it NOT be when you're dealing with someone as fucked up as this.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5619 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 2:13 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My XWW went on an A binge after we S/D. If I had to guess how many MM she "Dated" it was between 5-7 dudes in a 4 year period. Now I personally don't care what she does. But what burned me up was the fact she would tout these guys as legitimate relationships. Family, friends and even my children were introduced to these assholes. Naturally she never mentioned the fact they were M to anyone. She had one guy my son had gotten attached to. Sadly when he headed for the hills he asked her why he left. Her response to him was that" ----- had another GF and people should never do that" Now that's good advice if you were a normal person. But as ------ was known in our former social circle she knew he was with another woman and carried on an A with him for almost a year. Now our kid is turning 13 and has started to question these "relationships" and she dismisses him. So he asks me about things. It puts me in an uncomfortable situation as I don't want to discuss her lifestyle with my kid. So far I've been able to dance around most of his questions. But he is getting older and pretty soon he is going to put 2 and 2 together. And I suspect there will be some rather large fallout from this. I pray he is not fucked up mentally and emotionally from her antics. But the chances are good that it will affect him somehow. I don't need my kid turning to substances and acting out because she is a slut. Another caveat she has never considered on her journey.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5749 | Registered: Nov 2007
Topic Posts: 15

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