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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Just when I thought we would make it
Trusttrusttrust
♀ Member
Member # 37694
Default  Posted: 5:48 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my cheating husband never stopped seeing the OW. It may have slowed down, but it never stopped. The OWs husband put a GPS tracking device on her car and caught them kissing at a winery Monday afternoon. He punched my cheating husband in the face more than once. Then he called me. My husbands face is very swollen and there is blood coming out of both ears. He would not go to the ER, all he did was cry. This morning he flew to LA and will return Friday. I had a friend of ours check on him at the hotel and he insisted he was ok and that the bleeding has at least slowed down. If he is still bleeding in the morning, then he said he will go to the ER. He probably has a concussion.

They also went to LA two other times since June. Of course, He lied about that. He is now begging me to stay. Tomorrow I am seeing a divorce attorney. Mostly to find out my rights. I do not know what will happen. I am too upset to make any decisions. I also emailed our marriage counselor (who had discharged us) to tell her of the situation and ask for advice. I am at a loss.

I never thought this would happen again. His Mother is devastated and so angry. I had to tell her the whole story. She made me dinner tonight, but I really cannot swallow. Just when I was feeling better about our marriage this happens. Of course, He tells me they were ending it. Oh yea, like I believe that!

It does not look good. This after 31 years of marriage.


Married 31 years
D-Day Sept 3, 2012
I thought we were in R. Now I am not sure.
Second D-Day August 5' 2013
No kids

Posts: 99 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Virginia
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 7:05 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Trusttrusttrust)))


BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2628 | Registered: Aug 2012
openedupmyeyes
♀ Member
Member # 27871
Helpless  Posted: 7:26 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. Well, now you know. You also know you tried and did all that you could to find a way to live with his choices. To bad he didn't. You are worth it. Peace and strength to you. (((((Trusttrusttrust))))))


Me:53 BS
Him:53 FWH Trying to make me a believer?
Years married:35
:03-01-10: The day I learned the truth
Kids:Daughters 4 all grown and married.
Reconciliation is hard.
Really freakin' hard.

Posts: 765 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: The Great State of Texas
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry honey.

You are very kind to care enough to have a friend check on him. That shows what you are made of.

On the other hand, he, sadly brought this upon himself. Althought I dont condone violence, but sometimes that's what happens when you fuck another mans wife.

Stay strong, and don't let his self pity sway you from doing what is best for you.

[This message edited by painpaingoaway at 7:29 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)]


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7099 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
OptimisticWife
♀ Member
Member # 36587
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry to hear this ((((trusttrusttrust))))
Take care of yourself xx

Posts: 190 | Registered: Aug 2012
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((ttt)))

I'm so sorry.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7764 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
jjsr
♀ Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry to hear this. Take care of yourself


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1647 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
brokensmile322
♀ Member
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((trusttrusttrust)))

You now know. Please do not buy that he was there to end it. People don't go to LA or to wineries to end it. You know this.

You need make no decisions right now. This time, protect yourself until you can decide how to move forward. Do not include him in your thoughts about what you are going to do or even how you are feeling. If you need time to process, make him stay away until you can. It's all about you now!

Stay strong! You are a wonderful, beautiful person. You deserve so much more!


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1541 | Registered: Jun 2012
Trusttrusttrust
♀ Member
Member # 37694
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your support, it means a lot to me. My cheating husband just emailed me that he is trying to get a flight from LA to home today. He is probably still bleeding from his ears. I have no sympathy for him, none, he did this to himself. I think I am still in shock. I think I will feel better after seeing the attorney today. After 31 years of marriage, I cannot believe this is happening.


Married 31 years
D-Day Sept 3, 2012
I thought we were in R. Now I am not sure.
Second D-Day August 5' 2013
No kids

Posts: 99 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Virginia
Trusttrusttrust
♀ Member
Member # 37694
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your support, it means a lot to me. My cheating husband just emailed me that he is trying to get a flight from LA to home today. He is probably still bleeding from his ears. I have no sympathy for him, none, he did this to himself. I think I am still in shock. I think I will feel better after seeing the attorney today. After 31 years of marriage, I cannot believe this is happening.


Married 31 years
D-Day Sept 3, 2012
I thought we were in R. Now I am not sure.
Second D-Day August 5' 2013
No kids

Posts: 99 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Virginia
HardenMyHeart
♂ Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Trusttrusttrust)))


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5695 | Registered: Aug 2007
Yakamishi
♂ Member
Member # 38230
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry this happened.

But I'll be honest, I envy OWs husband.


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 222 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
TryingEveryday
♂ New Member
Member # 39429
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Trust, my heart goes out to you!

My first wife had an extended and nasty affair which devastated me (at the time - now I see it as a blessing that got me the hell out of that marriage!). I tried and tried to work it out with her, but her actions proved she wasn't going to be able to do so. The day I finally made the decision to see my attorney and stick up for myself was a good day. I wasn't trying to be vindictive or gain revenge - I just decided that the people who needed my attention, love, and strength the most were my kids and me. Not her. Not anymore. She lost that.

It sounds like your husband is much the same. He lost the right to your love and compassion. Now, give that to yourself. The person you have to have the most concern for now is you. And we are here for you - because we understand.

BTW - can any of us possibly send a "thank you" card to the OW's husband? I also don't like violence, but sometimes . . . well, it's deserved.

I feel for him, though, as he's certainly hurting as well.

Hang in there - you will find peace again someday.

[This message edited by TryingEveryday at 9:51 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)]


Me - BS - 46
Her - WW - 38 (2 ONS)
Five kids:
DD20, DD18, DD17, DS16, DS16
D Day - Dec 24, 2012 -
R - 20 months and going extremely well.

Posts: 37 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Montana
lostworld
♀ Member
Member # 19197
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Trusttrusttrust)))
I have been in your shoes; I found out I'd been in a false R for over a year, however, I was the one who found them out.

I think seeing the attorney is a good idea because information is empowering. I also fully support your choice to be willing to sit in this moment, gathering information, assimilating your emotions and thoughts, and not forcing yourself into decisions.

I don't know anything about your M or your WH, but I would look very closely at who he was for the last 31 years. This is his second A; how was the first handled, and how long ago was it and did he make changes in himself? I do believe A's can be aberrations, totally out of character, or they can be typical and standard operating procedures for some. Where does he fall on this broad continuum? Sometimes history is the best predictor of the future.

When the revelation of a false R happened to me, I went from fury, to fear, to disgust, to sorrow, to regret a million times over the next few minutes and months. Literally every minute of every day was an undulating nightmare. In the end, my H and I made it through, and are fully R'd. I'm not saying that is possible or even desirable to you, just letting you know it can be possible under the right conditions. You will come out the other side of this, I promise.

I'm so sorry, Trust.

[This message edited by lostworld at 10:07 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)]


Me: BS
Him: FWH
Married 30 yrs. w/ 2 grown kids
Dday 1: Very early 2007
Dday 2: Mid 2008 (same MOW, 14 month false R)
R'd
The affair was the aberration, not the marriage or the man.

Posts: 817 | Registered: Apr 2008
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry.
I always cringe inside when I see couples that have been in MC....only to find out that the A is continuing at the same time.

(as an aside, I'm no doctor, but if your WH has a brain injury that is causing him to bleed from his ears....is it really a good idea for him to be flying in an airplane? I'd be worried about that....)


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8075 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Trust))))


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,22 mo.& 2 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5078 | Registered: May 2007
Josephine01
♀ Member
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Soooooo Sorry (((Trust)))


Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
Dawnie
♀ Member
Member # 26912
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((TRUST))

I was in your shoes 3 1/2 years ago... 2 months into what I thought was R, we were in MC and "I" was trying to repair the marriage... then the truth came out that he was still seeing the OW. I only found out because my gut was not having any of it so I planted a VAR. I soooo remember the feeling when I heard the conversation that he was having with her on the VAR... it was almost a feeling of thank god, I can walk away from this madness knowing that I had done my part and he couldnt do his. I felt like I had been let out of prison, the prison of constant anxiety and worry that he was breaking NC. I was worth so much more than that and today I am in such a better life free of the constant knot in my stomach. I am married to a faithful loving man and I have never been happier.

Do what you need to do for YOU... you have given this your all and he shit on it.... you are worth so much more...


DIVORCED! Remarried to a real man!
BW (me) - 41 (now 46)
WH (him) - 43 (now 48)
OW - 23 yr old foreign gold digging whore looking for her American meal ticket
1 14 yr old son (now 19)
married 20 years/together 25 years
D day - 9/23/2009 5pm

Posts: 802 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Mid Atlantic coast
Wonderingwhy11
♀ Member
Member # 34782
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Trust)))

I am so sorry. I felt the 2nd Dday was worse than the first. Seeing an attorney and making a plan is wise. It doesn't mean you have to file for D right away.

The sad fact is most likely A's don't end on DDay. In my case the OBS found out first and the A continued another year until I found out. I found out a year later they were still in contact 3-4 months after my DDay. I still don't know for sure when all contact finally stopped.

Take care of yourself.


Me BW - 46
Him WH - 53
Together 23 yrs, Married 18
DDay August 2011
2 kids - 13 and 15

Gotta love the life that we livin'


Posts: 376 | Registered: Feb 2012
n0tm3
♀ Member
Member # 37884
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. I know that it was hard to put yourself emotionally out there with him again only to have this happen.


Me: BS 45
Him: WH 45
DDay #1: 12/17/12; OW 47 married 23
years
DDay #2 2/1/13 EA 6 years ago for 2 weeks with a married college friend through FB
Married 18 years, together 21 years
3 kids; 7,13,16
R trying IC and MC

Posts: 251 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 31
Pages: 1 · 2

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