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User Topic: the only way im getting out
sullymeishadomi
♀ Member
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 5:17 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ive been trying the last yr to do things to make my life better. Its not horrible but im not happy. Im miserable.

Im married to someone I dont trust. Someone who will never have my back. Someone who doesnt like me let alone love me; who puts me down at every possible moment...then says its a joke, I caused it...etc.

I live where ow was raised. There is no sense of morals here. Im hated because I interfered in her true love.

I live where nobody wants to befriend me. If they do I cant trust them.one climbed into my bed and cuddled with wh. Others were not really friends. They were gaining info for ow or to use to hurt me (certain people here love and thrive on conflict)

One of the things I did was try and put in for a transfer. The one in my district failed. As did the one out of my district. The one out of my district I didnt realise until a week ago they tried to contact me. I also forgot I put in a transfer. So I spent the last few days trying to contact the boss. Touch base. The person wont even return my calls.

If I had gotten that chance it would have taken me out of ow territory. It may have led to other changes.

I seriously feel like im in quick sand struggling to get out. The changes I made I thought were good are pulling me deeper inside. The branch that would pull me out is constant held out toward me and when im about to grab it, it gets pulled back.

There is a lot going on I cant divulge. I will say that I feel the only way I can escape this is if I die.

Im so numb right now, the fact I found out ow has skype and thats how they might be keeping in contact doesnt do much except make me sad. I dont even have the energy to get angry. Im not even going to search his phone. Why bother?


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not

Posts: 8212 | Registered: Sep 2007
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 5:34 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Sullymeishadomi)))

There is always hope. There is always a way to regain happiness. I am sorry you are struggling to find it now. I know it is discouraging sometimes when we feel like we are just stuck. We have to just keep trying and we will get out.
Keep calling. Keep looking for a transfer. Keep trying to make the changes that will take us closer to happiness. Take care of you. Keep talking about it. You will make it out of he quick sand.


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2553 | Registered: Aug 2012
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:31 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You need to talk to your doctor my friend. These kids of thoughts are major warning signs. There could be something else going on.

The grief is the hardest part to cope with. My episodes are fewer and far between but nowadays not only do I feel grief randomly but I'm also majorly pissed off that I am grieving.

You are right to get out of that town. I hope you find a path soon.

This stuff blows up our whole world - I remember walking around in a daze in those early months and during False R wondering how everyone else could act so.... normal. Didn't they realise the earth had shifted on its axis?

Truth is it didn't. That world I lived in was blown up. TBH, it needed to be. I just wish it had been done in an honourable way. Not like this.

There is more to life than this. You are absolutely right about that. You deserve so much more than this.

((sullymeishadomi)) I have heard you. I know the quickand feeling very well. It went away once I started steering my own ship


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5530 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
sammie
♀ Member
Member # 7785
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((((Sully))))))))))

It's so sad honey. I wish you didn't feel this way. Feeling trapped is the worst feeling ever. Please see your doctor and try to access any help in your area.

Hugs.


If someone loves you, it should feel like they love you.
Never give more of yourself than you are getting back.

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places." ~Ernest Hemingway


Posts: 5818 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Australia
sullymeishadomi
♀ Member
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did try and get help for the abuse stuff. More than once I was dismissed. Once I was told I was lucky it wasnt physical. I could put on my earphones or go for a drive. The other times I was a disgruntled wife who was cheated on. I gave up on help

The other issue is work related. One big change took place that I thought would be the cure all. Nope. One person got more vicious.

Everyone here is connected. Work and ow crew all connected in some way.

I know im depressed. Ive known for a long time. Meds wont change it. Things have got to change. Its just everytime I try it snaps back at me and im on my butt again.


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not

Posts: 8212 | Registered: Sep 2007
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will say that I feel the only way I can escape this is if I die.

(((Sully))) I feel for you, but this statement is pure bullshit.

So you didn't get a transfer. Brush up your resume and apply elsewhere---in another town or even another state. (Seriously, though, it can't be possible that everyone in this town has a vendetta against you; try Meet Up to meet NEW people who share your interests. They don't all know your husband, OW,or your nasty workmates.)

Contact a lawyer; my niece can live up to a certain (huge) number of miles away from her kid's dad. Planes travel in both directions.

Tell your husband to get out, file, and get temporary orders for support.

Seriously there are a MILLION things you can do, none of which require death.

Your unaddressed depression is causing you to tell yourself defeatist LIES.

Will it be easy to go it on your own? No. But let me tell you: it's a shitload easier than struggling with an asshole in your household, bringing you down.

[This message edited by solus sto at 1:16 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)]


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8522 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your unaddressed depression is causing you to tell yourself defeatist LIES.

^^THIS in spades. You are keeping yourself stuck here and your depression is holding you down. Address that and the rest will become clearer to you.

Willpower doesn't work with diabetes - it doesn't work with depression either.

Anyone I've ever known who has sought help only has one regret - that they didn't do it sooner.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 4:49 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)]


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5530 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
sullymeishadomi
♀ Member
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 4:44 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, I dont feel everyone has a vendetta against me Not being liked is not a vendetta.

Ow has a vendetta against me. Two or 3 people in my company (one in the office bc I stood up to that person then latter I didnt do what that person wanted me to do but I couldnt legally do...now person wants me fired).

Does ow know everyone here? This is an area of small towns. Everyone knows everyone. If they dont know you, they know someone who knows you. So, yes, she is very well known and very well liked

Infidelity is rampant here...she and wh arent doing anything wrong

I was vocal. I put their names and affair on a cheater site a yr ago...im not well liked. Im the one in the wrong, not them.

Literally, Im alone. I did try making friends. Even after the distrust. I got my hand slapped. Its little cliques I dont fit in with the people who think they have money. I dont fit in with the locals bc they dont accept outsiders.

I spoke up when I should have shut up and walked away (according to the populous).

I have trust issues now based on my experiences.

Work? Im shocked the person never returned my calls? Is that the norm now?

Maybe next step is to find a place I can rause the kids and just totally leave...but if a transfer is available.


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not

Posts: 8212 | Registered: Sep 2007
PhoenixStorm
♀ Member
Member # 35316
Default  Posted: 5:44 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can really relate to that. I felt the same way.... that at work everybody was on the OW's side and talking behind my back. People really get off on some drama don't they. Well I didn't do anything wrong, I've held my head up and despite wanting to kill the bitch secretly, I've never acted on it. I think that after some time most people realized that I was the victim and I have started to get my mojo back and my respect back. Don't let the bastards take that from you!!! Stand your ground, hold your head up and please get some counseling to help you through this. I did and even tho I know I still have issues I know how to control them FOR ME!!!Not for anyone one else. You're in a bad place - you need some help! Get out of that toxic environment if you can. Hugs and prayers to you!


BS UNSUSPECTING FOOL 54
WH BECAUSE I'M THE MAN AND I GET TO DO WHAT I WANT 46
OW The weakest of the pack 41
DDay: 2/20/12 The most out of control day of my life
Trying to R - TRYING
UPDATE 5-10-14 OVER WITH IT!
DDAY2 5-10-14

Posts: 72 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: In a state
PhoenixStorm
♀ Member
Member # 35316
Default  Posted: 5:47 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im married to someone I dont trust. Someone who will never have my back. Someone who doesnt like me let alone love me; who puts me down at every possible moment...then says its a joke, I caused it...etc.

PS: This comment really got me. So true. It's hard to work through this. We are working on it but I really don't know if I'll ever really love my WH like I used to........


BS UNSUSPECTING FOOL 54
WH BECAUSE I'M THE MAN AND I GET TO DO WHAT I WANT 46
OW The weakest of the pack 41
DDay: 2/20/12 The most out of control day of my life
Trying to R - TRYING
UPDATE 5-10-14 OVER WITH IT!
DDAY2 5-10-14

Posts: 72 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: In a state
Topic Posts: 10

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