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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: my friend is dating a guy who also had an affair with OW
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a friend, who was a very good friend, but who has made very bad choices with men. Recently, she had "gone into hiding" which usually means she's seeing someone who she knows she shouldn't be, who I would not approve of, and she kind of disappears for a while. When they break up, she comes back out of hiding.

I just found out, and I am so devastated by this, that she is dating a guy who not only works with XWH, but he cheated on his first wife with OW! It was either right before my XWH and OW started their affair, or during. A few months before D-day, we all went out with XWH's coworkers, OW was there, and this guy was there. This guy was married, and him and OW were all over each other. I had brought a camera, and I had taken a picture of the two of them all over each other(OW and this guy) and thought to myself that I should share this pic with this guy's wife, as they were acting so inappropriate.

A few weeks later, this guy's wife threw him out for having affairs (women besides OW, I don't think she ever found out about OW). Then, right after this, I found out about my OWN husband and OW.

So THIS is the guy that my friend started dating in JUNE, and just BOUGHT A HOUSE WITH IN JULY! Yup, you read that right. One month later.

This guy has 4 kids that he is paying CS on, had numerous affairs, OW included.

I can't tell you how devastated I am about this. This was a good friend, who was there for me during the whole A and the aftermath, and now this?

I am seriously, seriously fucked up over this. Are there no other men in this whole world, than THIS GUY for her to date?! And then, she buys a house with him! HELLO! 31% of his paycheck goes to his ex wife because he HAD AFFAIRS! OW included!

What the fuck people!



D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 2803 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
HurtsButImOK
♀ Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

that must be a very hard situation for you to be a part of. Almost like waiting for the inevitable to happen to your friend.

Unfortunately (no matter how much we want to protect our friends/loved ones)sometimes people need to make their own mistakes in order to learn and grow.

((sparkysable))


Me: Awesome - 35

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –


Posts: 716 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 6:22 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally agree with you. She had no other choices in the whole wide world then this guy? And if you were close friends then she knows how this will upset you, meaning it hits too close to home for you.

I think, and I could be wrong, but I think this is what I would call a "toxic" friend. And I wrote something along the lines about this a couple years ago as I too kept friends like this around. I realize that you feel she is a "good" friend, but at the end of the day she does things that really don't fly under your "right thing to do" radar.

You may be a better friend to her then she is to you. Slowly detaching yourself from her may be in your best interest. But of course thats up to you.


Posts: 5525 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 7:06 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This would really freak me out, too.

Slowly detaching yourself from her may be in your best interest.

Yes, detaching slowing might save your sanity. I don't even know her and I'm thinking WTF?


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1715 | Registered: Jan 2012
Helen of Troy
♀ Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This guy has 4 kids that he is paying CS on, had numerous affairs, OW included.

Your friend has a REALLY bad picker. I'm sorry you are in this situation.

How I wish I could point out to xwh and ow#?/nw exactly the % of income goes to me for his actions of having affairs. Only in fantasy can I bask in the revenge factor of this fact!


Posts: 4610 | Registered: Dec 2009
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Slowly detatch myself? FUCK THIS BITCH SHE IS DEAD TO ME!! I am done. DONE!

This is a TERRIBLE friend! It wasn't like she didn't know, she KNEW! And..... she was the teacher of 2 of his daughters this year! Apparently, the daughters "set them up". AYFKM?

I found the pic of this guy "Joe" and the OW that I had taken. I am so tempted to send it to her, but I'll do the mature thing and just totally cut her out of my life.

Go ahead and live in your fantasy world.



D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 2803 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

double post

[This message edited by sparkysable at 5:44 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]



D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 2803 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

double post

[This message edited by sparkysable at 5:43 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]



D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 2803 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

triple post

[This message edited by sparkysable at 5:44 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]



D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 2803 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
newnormal
♀ Member
Member # 21925
Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks for repeating yourself, it saved me the difficulty of cutting and pasting on my itty bitty phone screen.

You said it well! Rufkm!


BS 43 (me)
FWH 48
D-day 9/07

Dont retreat, reload.
"Pull that knife out of your back - and sever the fuel line to that bus you got thrown under" Bufffalo


Posts: 1030 | Registered: Dec 2008
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

whoops! computer froze up, didn't realize it posted 3 times lol



D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 2803 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
hoya96
♀ Member
Member # 28851
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And..... she was the teacher of 2 of his daughters this year! Apparently, the daughters "set them up".

She was his children's teacher? So now she's living with (but not married to) the father of former students? Who has had multiple affairs?

As an educator, I cannot quite wrap my brain around this.


Me: 39
3 children ages 9, 11 and 13
Out of blue ex said he wanted separation 2/14/10
DDay #1: 5/23/10 18 month affair with his 22 yr old paralegal
DDay #2 9/22/10 my best friend, now his wife
Divorced: 12/10/10
Re-married a wonderful man: 5/12/12

Posts: 276 | Registered: Jun 2010
Topic Posts: 12

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