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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What's better for the kids?
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((BG)))

I feel your pain. I do not like it when control has been wrested from me. And XWH asserted his control over our children in many ways that I could do nothing about: introducing the OW before the D, telling the kids she'd be their stepmother before the D, getting engaged before the D, and then getting married one month after the D was final. It sucked. It set me way back emotionally. When my kids were confused and hurt, I was filled with rage.

On the advice of the members of this board, I stayed fully NC about his piss poor decisions regarding the OW. I emailed with XWH solely about kids and finances. When he'd try to lecture me because he knew that I was speaking honestly with the kids about the D, he got crickets from me. It was so hard. I wanted to send him emails riddled with curse words and put him in his place, only it would have been a waste of time and energy because he didn't think he was doing anything wrong.

Now that I'm used to it, though, I can see that it was absolutely the right thing to do. The kids aren't growing up in a hostile environment (well, not at my place). I feel more at peace because I don't stir the pot-- if he wants to make a jackass of himself and try to lecture me, well, have fun with that. I want to live a happy and drama-free life, and I know I won't achieve that if I respond to his uppity missives or try to lecture him over his crappy decision making.

Anyway, go NC with the MOW (which stands for malicious, overbearing witch). She loves the drama, wants to prove that you're the bad guy, and likely gets her jollies from riling you. Leave her to your STBX. They'll destroy each other soon enough.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3387 | Registered: Oct 2011
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You guys are right about the squeaky wheel thing. I had called my L yesterday and talked to the paralegal, and I sent another email today. These people work for me, right??

Given what I wrote above about the BH, would you guys try to contact him? I guess I don't see the point if they are not together anymore, but it would be nice to compare notes.. I can think of another person that might know him, but I don't want to be the crazy ex. You know, any more than I am already..


BW~ 35, Two Darling Sons~ 10 and 6
D-Day 9/2012
S 10/2012
Filed D 11/2012
Divorced! 4/2014

Posts: 1362 | Registered: Feb 2013
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And another thread jack of my own thread..

Just picked up the kids. DS9 tells me POS wants to go to the parent teacher meeting (f me), and tells me dad says happy anniversary on Saturday (f me again). Isn't that another mind fuck?? My poor boy just left daddy and his mistress with a message of happy anniversary to mommy? Why can't the fucker just email me instead of sending messages through the kids? I swear, this crap is never gonna end.. I guess I just ignore since I feed the drama llama by saying anything, but sending messages through DS9 has constantly been an issue since we separated..


BW~ 35, Two Darling Sons~ 10 and 6
D-Day 9/2012
S 10/2012
Filed D 11/2012
Divorced! 4/2014

Posts: 1362 | Registered: Feb 2013
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 2:49 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a fuckwit. I'm so sorry BG.

The sad clown is selectively honest. Thought it was a good idea to correct my 5 year old by telling her we ARE married. WTF? Whilst imposing OWUmpteen on them?

I had to explain "technically" to a 5 year old. I told her imagine if you went for a swim and you got out and dried everything but your big toe - would you say you are wet? No. But 'technically' you are because your big toe is still wet. That seemed to fix his fuckery.

I swear to god I'd cut my big toe off if it meant I never had to look at or communicate with him again.

Ignore the fuckery - don't take it up with your son unless he asks and then explain what anniversary means.

Tell his IC what his father is doing - they can give you ways of dealing with this kind of thing and may intervene as one of the biggest DON'Ts in D is don't make your kids be messengers.

Fuck.That.Guy.


Sending all of the love and strength I can muster to Phoenix1 and her family.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Posts: 4506 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

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