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Newest Member: Riley1010 (44732)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Dday + 3 mo, HB is over, now sexless...
CatchyUsername
♀ Member
Member # 39415
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello all! We are 3 months from DDay. We had hysterical bonding sex after discovery which tapered to normal. WS has been amazing and we are doing all the "right" things (MC,IC,NC,etc). I have no hit a stage where I have ZERO interest in him sexually. I almost see his body as hers (OW), not mine. Like she was all over that so I don't want any part of it now. I find myself thinking about other men and envisioning what life would be like after D. I thought we were in R, but is this a phase to wait until it passes or the end of R? Thoughts?

Posts: 191 | Registered: Jun 2013
Schilling
♀ Member
Member # 39774
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me, it was just a phase. A phase I have hit many times only because my circumstances are that of repeated affairs and one night stands.

I've come to learn that it just takes me some time to move on from that and see him as the man I fell in love with.


I am 26(Bgf). He is 36 (Wbf).
On Again, Off Again - 10 years.
Not Married. No Kids.
D-Day: Too many to list/ remember.
Trying to Reconcile.

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: San Francisco
Card
♂ Member
Member # 23667
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What books have you read?

Have you invested in any marital recovery resources?

Look, IMO, sexual fulfillment is a vital part of a marriage and it's a vital part of a healthy recovery. Most of the affairs that I've seen start up again are a result of a sexless marriage. (THIS IS PERSONAL OBSERVATION) IMVHO, Nothing being done to change or address this is dangerous for the health of the marriage.

A book that helped my wife & I can be found in the healing library called, Surviving An Affair, by Dr. Willard Harley, Jr. He also has another book I like called, His Needs, Her Needs that we found helpful in this area too.

I would seek out some writings from noted authors & doctors familiar with overcoming sexual aversion in the marriage.

Please know that I'm not blaming you for your aversion to sex, I completely understand. I believe it's a natural response to such a huge betrayal...
IMVHO However, and it's a big however, only you can really make the major changes that are necessary to overcome the aversion.
Communicate this openly and honestly with your H and if necessary work with a professional to help both of you.

Please, whatever you do, don't ignore it....

I know of two BS's where the untreated emotional aversion to sex, over time, transferred into physical pain during intercourse for the BS.


WH (me)
BS (her)

D-Days April - Oct. 2007 Recovery started Nov. 2007

"Found Myself", I was right there in my shoes all along!
Search for self called off!

Why Repentance Is Necessary? Because Undeserved Mercy Empowers Entitlement/Sin


Posts: 570 | Registered: Apr 2009
Scubachick
♀ Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 1:21 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me too. I don't understand where my desire went. It was good while it lasted though.

Posts: 643 | Registered: Jul 2013
ifinallyfoundme
♀ Member
Member # 39523
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been reading Dr Harley's books as well and find them very helpful. It wasn't until my H read some of the very same things I told him, the fog started to lift even more. Sex is a very important part of marriage. Find ways to work on it.

Posts: 180 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 5

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