The crazy sex phase is over, and now I just don't care if we have sex or not. We act like roommates, and I've been somewhat ignoring his advances and attempts to reach out. I love him and want to R, but I just need space.
I know that this is not the way to rebuild a marriage, but frankly, I'm not ready to give him XYZ to make our marriage stronger because I don't think he deserves it!
On one hand, I want to meet his needs and be a better wife to start rebuilding - but at the same time, I want to scare him a bit and show him that I don't need him!
Just writing this makes it sound messed up. How do you restore a marriage when you don't have that respect for your WS yet? I just don't have the energy to do the work yet! I want more time to put MY needs first, but that obviously is not helping rebuild my marriage.
I feel it is healthy to listen to your feelings and do what you think you need to heal yourself.
I'm a new member, and I wish I had found this forum months earlier! But even now, it's so comforting to hear that we are ALL in the same boat.
Check up your motives though...if they are to manipulate him somehow I don't think that is healthy.
In my case apathy is a result of our actions. Sex is weird, communication seems better, my emotions don't run like they use to...neither overly expressive with my love but not raging either.
Not sure where the strong push to work on the marriage will come from...my wife doesn't seem to be any more remorseful or passionate about our marriage...and my apathy isn't pushing me to strongly do anything either.
But maybe this is a normal part of this process?
God be with us all.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 1:33 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)]
But I also believe everything happens for a reason and in a time that is meant to be.
Still...how nice would it have been to know earlier that what I am going through is NOT unique. And it would have been nice to find a place like this were shared wisdom can facilitate growth without having to go through the extreme pain I went through to get it.
Playing devil's advocate, but aren't you leaving a significant weakness for someone else to clean up?
If H ain't doing it for just imagine he is Brad Pit or Maxwell! Buy a vibrator or other toys and explore. He will be more impressed that someone else will be getting the goodies as opposed to you with holding.
Just remember OW was always available, willing, and fed him lots of bull. Its time for you to takeback and redefine that part of your life.