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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wanna hear what I found in the garage this weekend?
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What I still don't understand (and I know I never will) is why he deliberately took things from his boxes pre-marriage and things from my boxes pre-marriage and mixed them up together.

How about because he's insane?


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17392 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How about because he's insane?

Okay, that works!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9674 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did he take much when he moved out? I'm surprised he would "let" you go through everything now.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13743 | Registered: Jul 2011
Reality
♀ Member
Member # 39077
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, what Amazonia said. NG, does he know you're going through that stuff?

I ask because with my ex, I know he knew I was packing his stuff, but when I actually had it delivered to his location, he wigged the hell out. He insisted that it didn't matter that I had gone through it; I wasn't to move things until he had "checked my work."

I'm kinda worried about blow back for you. He's as NPD and vengeful and random as they get.

Also, I'm pretty sure you aren't using a hazmat suit for the clean up, and GROSS. Germs, NG, deadly NPD pathogens.

[This message edited by Reality at 3:08 PM, August 5th (Monday)]


Posts: 292 | Registered: Apr 2013
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I saw this title and had to log in!

Son of Sam... wow. That's someone to admire.

You need to create some paintings and put them up for auction on SI! My DD and I love flowers...

Glad there haven't been any jars filled with unsavory liquids...

[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 4:19 PM, August 5th (Monday)]


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3604 | Registered: Oct 2011
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad there haven't been any jars filled with unsavory liquids...
That's funny.

Poor NG, you had a more than enough crap to deal with in the garage alone. It's been a shocking and funny at times adventure.


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20373 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I kicked him out of the home. He's not even allowed back on the property. Last year I offered to have him come here to pack up his shit & go, but he would be supervised by people of my choosing. This was before I knew what was out there. He said no.

Then I started going through the boxes, assuming I would be able to just sort things out by box. Then I realized he'd mixed our stuff together. There was no way to do this than to go through every single box & examine every single thing in each box. Not unless I wanted to just give him every box from the garage & thus give him everything I ever saved of my life. Which I was not willing to do. He destroyed my life. I'm not willing to give him everything, every tangible memory, piece of artwork, photograph, memento, everything, every bit of family history & possession.

I want something left of me and who I used to be.

And so I go through each box.

He may flip out. I don't give a shit. I didn't start out trying to find stuff. I didn't even know there was anything to find. I started out innocently enough just trying to sort things out & return his stuff to him. I can't help it if he left his shit everywhere.

Actually the kids' counselor wonders if all this sick shit was left everywhere in the hopes that it would eventually be found, either by me or the kids or both. Apparently this is a form of exhibitionism, something which STBX certainly has done (exposed himself to the children & neighbors repeatedly).

[This message edited by Nature_Girl at 5:25 PM, August 5th (Monday)]


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9674 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Apparently this is a form of exhibitionism, something which STBX certainly has done (exposed himself to the children & neighbors repeatedly).

This should be enough to get supervised vistitation but knowing the court system they probably still won't order it. If anyone needs supervised visitation it's him.

When it comes time for you to give him all this shit. Make sure you have someone there with you. Don't let him in the house or garage. Put it all out in driveway, yard or something.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4779 | Registered: Feb 2008
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Peridot, the court system does not care about him exposing himself to the kids & neighbors because he's never been arrested for it. There are a whole bunch of things which SHOULD automatically incur supervised visitation, but sadly just don't. The legal system does not permit preventative action.

I plan to have men from church here when STBX finally gets his stuff. I've also been thinking of asking the local LE to drive by a few times.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9674 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Would it be possible he was trying to implicate you if there were ever criminal proceedings, make it look like you knew/were involved?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13743 | Registered: Jul 2011
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ama, that thought has crossed my mind. For instance, those girly sheets. Why were they in MY little chest of drawers? That really creeps me out.

I just know that there is more to STBX than what I've already found out. I know this in my heart & soul like I know my own name. But since I can't afford that level of a private investigation, it will probably remain unknown to me. There's more to his story, though.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9674 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nature,

I'd document that stuff you found on Son of Sam. You may need proof of it someday. It's very weird for him to have that!!

I found something in our packed up boxes that was very interesting and was used in the divorce. I was surprised at what was useful vs. what was irrelevant. I tried to keep everything that might be helpful, and documented sources of things, etc.

I can just imagine reading in the news that this Son of Sam material was found in the garage of some criminal, after he'd done something horrible, as part of his background story, you know?

Document! Even though you have been through the court stuff, you're not done dealing with him. Your children are really young and you may need more proof of his "character". I mean, I wish I could tell you that after you're divorced, everything will be hunky-dory, but it doesn't really go that way with some our X's.


Posts: 1261 | Registered: Aug 2010
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was told by the GAL that the judge would do nothing until my xh or someone around him did something to the kids the judge would not do anything about the visitation. She actually said something had to happen to the kids.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4779 | Registered: Feb 2008
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep. I don't have a GAL, but my attorney often serves as a GAL as well as a judge pro tempore or whatever that term is. Anyway, he told me the same thing. The courts are powerless to do anything until my children are actually harmed. As in physically harmed or severely psychologically harmed. The fact that all these things are adding up to a tragedy in the making, nothing can be done until that tragedy actually happens.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9674 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told the GAL it wasn't a matter of if the OW did something to my kids but when. I was right, I managed to keep her away from them until they got married. Still fought like hell in court to keep her away but the judge let her around my kids.

It didn't take 2 months and she abused my DD. I just thank God my XH didn't do the things I thought he might. He's also a SA NPD who likes young girls.

I just hope your STBXH doesn't do anything to your kids. All you can really do is pray and hope nothing happens to them since the court won't do a damn thing.

All I can say is, if something does happen, call CPS. They were the only ones who would help me.

I read on the news website tonight someone got arrested for throwing a dog against a wall. Exactly one of the things the OW did to my DD and they arrested the girl.

My DD had major bruising and a sore. She was in extreme pain. They never arrested the OW. Nothing ever happened to her. Though my XH did loose his visitation thanks to CPS.

Such a shame this country does more to protect a dog than a child!


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4779 | Registered: Feb 2008
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a really bad feeling about STBX. He has again moved & is keeping his address a secret. He has a male roommate but won't tell me who. He brings the children there. And I can't do a darn thing about it.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9674 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 11:32 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my decree there is standard language about providing an address and a phone number. If the parent doesn't they can loose visitation rights. It's standard in my state. Might be something for you to look into or try to get the judge to order.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4779 | Registered: Feb 2008
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 2:50 AM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my decree I have the wording that if either of us is taking the children to an undisclosed location. The other parent can refuse to allow the children to go. Or something like that. My attorney put it in because XH was not giving me his address and was taking the kids there.

Until he gives an address, I would not allow my kids to go with him.

Hugs,


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5092 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The courts are powerless to do anything until my children are actually harmed. As in physically harmed or severely psychologically harmed. The fact that all these things are adding up to a tragedy in the making, nothing can be done until that tragedy actually happens.

Yes, but what might happen would be some middle-of-the-road hurt, vs. something catastrophic, and when THAT happens, you'll then get to show the stuff you've documented. That's when it will be useful, instead of right now all by itself.

I know in my sitch, while it was "he said, she said" in the early stages of the divorce process no one paid much attention to the bad deeds I could tell about. It wasn't until X started to do things during the divorce that I was listened to and the documentation was helpful.

I'd just keep documenting. You don't know what's coming down the road, and you never know what could be useful. I used to just take photo's of what I found. I would take a photo of where I found it, and the photo would provide date and time. If X ever were to say something didn't happen, I would always pipe up with, "Yes, it did and here's what proof I have" (to my attorneys). I found lots of things in the trash and the stored boxes. Now I found a lot more than we ever used, but some was really important!


Posts: 1261 | Registered: Aug 2010
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When they did the home studies did they know about the exposing to the neighbors?

I do understand about all your papers being mixed up with his. While out of town this summer my really good friend thought that she would do me a favor by helping me get files/photos organized in my home. She got papers and pictures and stuff and put them in boxes to try to help me get everything organized.

It has just about taken me back to square 1 mentally. 10 min of sorting a box and my mind starts to short circuit.

Every box I open has stuff from various parts of the house. I have to stop and look at every item as there might be a birth certificate mixed in with old payroll stubs.

She did this with the best of intentions, but it's seriously messing with me. One friend of mine "gets" it. She said everytime her mom would come over to babysit she would rearrange the kids drawers. When you are home with 4 kids, you need to know where everything is in YOUR system, not someone elses.

And you are finding stuff you KNEW you had, that he said he had never seen before. Over the top insanity.

Can someone you trust just go thru and find his stuff and box it up? You can sort thru and look for your things after D is final?

I met XWH at a friend's and gave him all his stuff boxed up neatly. It creeps me out for your WH to be near your home. major trigger.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2126 | Registered: Jan 2012
Topic Posts: 43
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