I'm much more focused on me and the baby. I have to see him on almost a daily basis and I've come to think of him as the guy who drops the baby off at home for me. I'm more in control of my emotions...but something weird has occured....it's almost like I can't FEEL anything anymore. I still have triggers and thoughts, but my feelings have normalized to the point where I feel like I'm not feeling anything anymore. I don't feel anger, hatred, disgust, hurt, pity, sadness...I just feel emotionally numb.
A couple of days last week went well at work and for a brief moment I thought I might have even felt "happy" if that's even remotely possible.
I just came from my IC who said that this was good and that maybe "numb" isn't the right word since she says I'm still feeling things. But I don't know. It's not indifference...it's just numbness. Maybe my new normal is to be crying and sad and mad everyday that NOT feeling out of control is starting to feel weird.
Anyone go through this before? It's weird...because on one end I'm happy that I'm not as obsessed with this situation as I once was, but on the other hand am I in protection mode? Are my feelings for my WS gone now?
Does this sound familiar to anyone? I'm interested to see if this is a "phase" in recovering from this kind of trauma or if I've successfully detached.
[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 9:55 AM, August 5th (Monday)]
You will feel again. Time is that nasty word. Just wait, you will all of a sudden realize you have been walking around with a smile without knowing it.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
That night had a full on breakdown around 5am. Woke up in the middle of the night and was just overwhelmed by a cocktail of all of those shitty feelings of not understanding why, missing him, hating him and feeling overwhelmed by my life without him all at once. I would say I haven't cried that hard since I came home one day and he had shipped all of my things out to me and they were lying in the driveway in boxes.
I actually haven't cried since that night. I've been doing okay. I consider it my mini nervous breakdown. I got it all out and regrouped. I could only block it out for so long.
I'm in another phase of it now, I can tell. I have work to get done, appointments and the like and I can't be up all night crying, I can't sulk. Shit has to get done. I have to block it out.
But I assume another crash is coming very soon...
I have seen it described as out of body feeling.
Look up symptoms of PTSD. I am not familiar enough with your story to know if this is a likely fit. But the trauma of infidelity is trauma. Depending on the type of dday this is a very possible reaction.