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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: why do i stay
Gottagetthrough
Member
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wh is bipolar 1. He engaged in his A when he was undiagnosed and in a manic period.

I have really stood by him and helped him the past few years. Really worked hard on him and on me. He was abusive before (usually due to manic phases, but I didn't understand that back then) and I had really low self esteem. Been thru lots of therapy.

Well, wh is pretty good... Respects me now & appreciates me. This weekend though, I don't know what is going on... I did recently tell him that I am taking the kids to visit my family for 2 weeks and he is freaking out.

He is being a 'jerk'. Maybe because he is freaking out about us not being here (this is what he Has told me).

Today, he yelled at me, complained about a new venture I am excited about, and then told me to " go and actually do something around the house and make me a sandwich "

I did not make him a sandwich.

And for the record, I cleaned all 3 bathrooms today, plus the oven, did 2 loads of laundry and a load of dishes. And went grocery shopping. So I haven't been watching TV and eating bon bons all day

I just do not want to R with this. I Think, I wonder if I should just throw in the towel? I could find a nice person... Maybe not a crazy passionate romance like I had with wh, but a nice stable guy, have another kid or 2 ( which I don't think will happen if I stay because wh is so unstable).

Truth-- I stay because of money and because I don't want to 'share" the kids. I do like wh some times, but I don't think I love him. I think I was so hurt by him that I have blocked off all feelings about him. I feel very numb when it comes to wh.


Posts: 1332 | Registered: Jan 2010
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Gottagetthrough))

Just wanted to let you know that you have been heard. I'm sure reconciling with someone with bipolar disorder has its own set of circumstances.

Have you checked out the bipolar thread in the ICR (I Can Relate) forum? Here's a direct link:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=200292

Sending strength to you. It sounds to me like you are doing an amazing job coping, and seeking out new ventures for yourself. Right on.

[This message edited by LosferWords at 8:57 PM, August 4th (Sunday)]


Posts: 6110 | Registered: Dec 2010
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 1:44 AM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's Sunday. I say eat all the bon bons you want.

Ok. So I'm going to be harsh here, but it's out of compassion I swear.

You MUST stop (a) making excuses for your husband (b) "working on" your husband (c)expecting crazy passionate romance 24/7

You're riding the crazy train with Mr. Bipolar Man.

Look, it's a diagnosis, not an identity or a bad behavior get out of jail free card. If the man is freaking out about a totally normal thing, tell him to get back on his rocker or call the doctor. Not act like an ass and use an excuse (and a HUGELY controlling one -- he's essentially threatening to have a nervous breakdown if you do the fun thing you've decided to do that he doesn't want you to do...

)

If he want to complain about your venture, tell him to complain to someone else. NO yelling. Period. He lives there too, so he can darn well do something around the house himself and if he wants a sandwich he'd better be more agreeable.

You probably need to see your IC and get a realistic picture of what you're dealing with here long-term. If this is the best it's going to get, maybe you should leave.

Hang in there. I probably sound heartless towards him, but I feel a great deal of compassion for you both. I've been in treatment for bipolar disorder for 8 years now and it's hard. If he's not fully committed to it ... forget it ... and even if he his there are going to be times when medication doesn't work as well as we'd like, etc...


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
Gottagetthrough
Member
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 6:13 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you! No, you are not being mean at all, m, that's exactly what I need to hear!

I'm co Dependant, so I need to work on that. I think my co dependency is because of the A. I want wh to need me sooooo much, he would never leave again.

So I do everything for him, from getting his clothes in the morning ( he's colorblind so this is more so he doesn't embarrass himself). To making meals, doing 100% of housework.

He saw the Dr yesterday and he'll see him again in a month. I think, wh needs therapy. I think he also has a personality disorder or at least personality problem that is from the foo

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 6:14 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 1332 | Registered: Jan 2010
Topic Posts: 4

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