First off, (((hugs)))
I keep thinking that I should have tried harder or done more.
Just stop. Stop right there. You did enough. You did a good job. You gave your friend love, and caring, and devotion. Just as he did for you. The two of you gave each other support and the gift of togetherness.
The deal we make with our fur kids is that we will take care of them, show them love, tend to their health, and when itís time, we will end their suffering. In return, they teach us what unconditional love is and offer that love to us each and every day. That is the great joy that they give to us. The sad equation is that, they never live long enough. Their life spans are shorter than ours, so at some point, we loving owners are faced with the same decision that you were. And that is where we have to do whatís right for our friends. Make the really hard decisions to honor the love that they have so lavishly given to us.
Yes. You may have kept him breathing for one or two more weeks. Itís possible. With him fading each day until that next transfusion, which may or may not have worked, and the sure knowledge that his body would have gone through another critical phase. And then faced the same decision again, with a dog that was less healthy than he had been. Possibly hurting. Definitely not getting better.
Instead you picked the day and time. You gave him a good day with love and treats, no doubt. A last night of being cuddled next to you. And then with kindness, holding him to comfort him in a situation that you knew he didnít like, you ended his suffering.
Thatís the bargain that we make with them, when we love them, if we truly love them. That at some point, we will set them free from their failing bodies and end their suffering. We let them go with regrets and tears, yes, but also with love.
(((hugs))) Iím sitting here bawling for you. It never gets easier, but if the alternative is to never experience such love, then Iíll take the pain.