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User Topic: I have a question!
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My question is for BS that let go and let WH move on with AP.

This is not my situation but I wonder how do you let go of that hurt, jealousy, rage, and rejection? Just knowing that they choose a POS like that!

I see it here alot and I wonder WTH happens when you see wh? Do they end up in the happy phase with AP?

How do you handle it without kicking the shit out of them...


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The anger faded for me during R when I totally saw who my WW was. It was all about her and nearly my entire M was all about her. The ugliness that she was bringing to the M was not really a rejection of me but was a "sickness" of hers. I made her own her actions. It wasn't me and I deserved a W that wanted to fight for a marriage based on a partnership and she wasn't. The truth had set me free. I wasn't jealous nor angry nor rejected. I just wanted to get away and move my life in a positive direction. (and kicking the shit out of them would have landed me in jail faster than one can imagine)


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52599 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is not the case in my current M, but rather in a past relationship.

Previous "relationship" I had, the guy was all over his friend's girlfriend. He tried to friend me last year or so, though I didn't know it was him because he'd spelled his name backwards and my dumbass didn't notice (didn't friend him; now he's on Block List). While I was trying to figure out who he was, I noticed her in his friends. When I finally figured out who he was, it struck me as being hilarious that they're still "friends". Wonder if he ever got together with her.

Better her than me. There comes a point where you realized you dodged a bullet and feel grateful. Doesn't matter if they're with the AP, as long as they're NOT with YOU.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't mean literally kicking the shit out of them...

Wow, I know about dodging the bullet thing. But, I was just wondering for the ones that have to go through that and how they handled that pain.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
LadyQ
♀ Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I'm a little ways out, and recently found out x is "dating" the first nasty piece I caught him with. Now ordinarily that might bug me, but since it happend around 5-6 years ago, I'm more mellow about it. Actually, I think it's funny and kinda pathetic. See, the first time I met her was when she was enrolling her kid in my school. This was after they started "hanging out". She had four or five spots of ringworm on her face. She has 4 kids with 4 different men. I predict that within a year, x is number 5. And I'm praying for triplets.

But, I'm four or five years out from his bad decision, and he soooooo affaires down with that one!


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm only 10 months separated, but he's with the AP, and I would say I handle it with counseling and meds.. And rebuilding and/or nurturing my relationships with friends and family..

I really believe in the stages of grief now, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, then finally acceptance. Every once in a while I feel close to acceptance, but when the kids aren't here, I seem to fall all the way back to anger mode a lot..


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2316 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, I know about dodging the bullet thing. But, I was just wondering for the ones that have to go through that and how they handled that pain.

For me, the first step was falling out of love with someone who treated me badly. I decided that people who treat other people badly is a serious turnoff - be it physical, mental, sexual abuse or cheating. After I disliked the behavior, it became easy to dislike him.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, LadyQ,
That is just nasty! I guess a ho needs love too.

And you had to see everyday when picking or dropping off her kids? Im sorry about that.

I have to ask you something real here: What are the policies of an A in the work place of a school district? Meaning both WH and AP!

Sliver- I love how you put that.

Butterfly - Honey, I am so sorry. It is utter bs to me.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
LadyQ
♀ Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah, Faithful, you really nailed it

I guess a ho needs love too.

Is KILLIN' me! I truly just lol'd


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad to make your day!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
LadyQ
♀ Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As to your question about inappropriate workplace relationships I would guess that depends on a district's policy.

In my case, the x wasn't an employee. He just ain't that bright!


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was just wondering about both being an employee. It seems to be a cess pool here in the school district mainly building and grounds workers.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me it wasn't so much that I ws letting XWH move on this his (various) AP.

It was more that I was ready to move on, whether that meant someone who would treat me with the love and respect I deserve or stay alone...but with my dignity and pride.
Once I got to that point (knowing I wanted to leave, that is), not much he did really hurt me to the core. He still pissed me off, but it didnt "hurt" me in the same way.

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 3:27 PM, August 2nd (Friday)]


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6525 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
krazy8516
♀ Member
Member # 40076
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me, the first step was falling out of love with someone who treated me badly.

This is where I'm at. I don't even know where to begin, but I know that it's necessary to move on.


me: BW, 30
him: WH, 25
us: edging closer to R every day

married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m

"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."


Posts: 368 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Texas
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Krazy,
I am so sorry sweetie. I have been keeping up on your posts. My heart breaks for you because I am going thru it also or had... Hell I don't even know what the hell is going on and personally don't really care no more.

Your doing great and I rememeber all to while of those panik attacks that would wake me up at 4 or 5am and he was still not home. I paced alot. I should have tried something OTC but I didn't. If you can please do.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
Topic Posts: 15

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