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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Should I take a job before I file?
MissMarple
♀ New Member
Member # 39151
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been waiting about 3 months to see some real change in my SAWH. I'm about done, and I am likely to file for separation soon. I am a stay at home mom, and haven't been in the work force for a few years. My son will be in preschool full time next week, and I have an opportunity to take a part time job that I can work around his school schedule. I'm pretty broke. I need the money, but I'm wondering if I get a job before I file, if this will harm me when it comes to alimony/support? Any thoughts?


BS (me) 29
WH 29
Married for 7 years
One son age 4
D-day 4-29-13
Multiple hookers on Craigslist!!!
Getting ready to file.

Posts: 33 | Registered: May 2013
Missymomma
♀ Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, it will lower the amount of money you get for alimony. How long have you been married and what are the alimony requirements in your state? Have you spoken to an attorney?


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
MissMarple
♀ New Member
Member # 39151
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Been married for 7 years. I have no idea what the requirements are, other than I think TN is a 50/50 state. I haven't seen a lawyer yet, as I am without funds. I'm going to have to ask friends for money, and I wanted to be ready to file before I paid to see an attorney.


BS (me) 29
WH 29
Married for 7 years
One son age 4
D-day 4-29-13
Multiple hookers on Craigslist!!!
Getting ready to file.

Posts: 33 | Registered: May 2013
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For child support, I think they may calculate it as you having a full time minimum wage job anyway, so getting the part time job wouldn't affect that.. Would be better for you actually..

I know nothing about alimony since we make about the same, but I do know plenty of attorneys give free consults, so I would start calling around. You will want to consult with quite a few before you choose one anyway. Divorce attorneys are NOT made equal..

I think if it were me, I would go for the job.. Good luck..


BW~ 35, Two Darling Sons~ 10 and 6
D-Day 9/2012
S 10/2012
Filed D 11/2012
Divorced! 4/2014

Posts: 1374 | Registered: Feb 2013
Missymomma
♀ Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, it looks like TN has pretty good alimony laws. I would talk to an attorney before making any decisions. It looks like there is more than one kind of alimony in TN.

I don't really know your situation, so if you have to get a job, then that is what you have to do. It may give you less in alimony but you can't starve. If you file for separation, you should receive temporary support. Mine was less than my actual child support and alimony became.


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that you should take the job. Especially since it's a job that will allow you to work around your son's schedule. You'll have to get a job eventually anyway and you will also be expected to provide a portion of the support $ for your son.

I think that most states have the divorce statutes online. Read through them and educate yourself.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCyL6pa_L4M


Posts: 7253 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On my D, they calculated child support and alimony as if I were working a minimum wage job.

Look up some attys today and go for free consults. Almost every atty office I went to was empty of customers!!! I guess the economy is hitting everyone hard, so I think attys welcome the business.

I went to 3 free consults before I chose mine. Each appt gave me more insight and more questions...


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1714 | Registered: Jan 2012
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would take the job. It sounds like a good fit and it might be awhile before you get another opportunity like this. Even if alimony is reduced a little, you will probably curry better favor with the judge if you show that you are willing to work. Besides, it is an uphill battle trying to get out of debt, and exes have a way of not being reliable with child support and alimony.

Posts: 2972 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Consult an attorney. The laws vary from state to state.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15133 | Registered: Jun 2006
womaninflux
♀ Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My lawyer told me not to take a full time job or even any job that paid significant income. He said it weakens the case against maintenance (aka alimony) in a long term marriage (10+years in most states).


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 809 | Registered: Jun 2013
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take the job. The CS calculation will assume you're working 40 hours at minimum wage, even if you aren't. You can't get around it. So you might as well have an actual job. The courts have no regard for a SAH parent. None whatsoever.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8785 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
myperfectlife
♀ Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it really depends on where you live. In my state there is no alimony but there is "maintenance" since I am in school. Also, I have a part time job and even if I DOUBLED my income, my CS would only be about $60 less a month. My STBXWS makes about 6x more than I do. In my state they do take into account that I was a SAHM and it's assumed it was agreed upon. However, it's still a 50/50 no fault state.
Definitely do some online research.


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
MissMarple
♀ New Member
Member # 39151
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all. Time to start looking for a lawyer.


BS (me) 29
WH 29
Married for 7 years
One son age 4
D-day 4-29-13
Multiple hookers on Craigslist!!!
Getting ready to file.

Posts: 33 | Registered: May 2013
LadyQ
♀ Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know in my case, they didn't even take my income into consideration when it came to CS. It was strictly a percentage of what he made.


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, CS is a formula often not normally related to the SAH parent's pretend salary. But SS most definitely takes the pretend salary into consideration.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8785 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Helen of Troy
♀ Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I wanted to add that if there is such a discrepancy in income to where alimony factors in, you should see a lawyer anyway. Your lawyer will most likely tell you that s/he can request and likely be granted that x pay your attorney fees.
So don't worry about the legal fee money is what I'm saying. (Those of us where there is not enough discrepancy between incomes find other means to finance the lawyer like yard sales, and selling own jewelry, etc.)

Posts: 4610 | Registered: Dec 2009
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was a SAHM. The state assumed that I would a full time minimum wage job when they calculated CS. So I found myself a job, but it came in under the amount calculated...do your research.


ish kabibble

Posts: 4204 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Pippy
♀ Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take the job. They look at your tax statements for last year's income.

ETA - You'll heal faster when you have a job outside the home, mixing with people and feeling good about yourself.

[This message edited by Pippy at 7:39 PM, August 2nd (Friday)]


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9584 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
FieldsOfLavender
♀ Member
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Pippy. I'd take the job so you can 1. get skills and experience to get a better job and 2. to get out and make your world bigger.

I have worked outside the home, but my world was pretty small because it was work, family, home. I have started to reach out to people and socialize more and just started an activity I have wanted to do for a long time.


Posts: 183 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would grab the job, quickly.

What I hear is that alimony is not always open-ended, rather, comes with a timer and is for a transitional state of life, kind of like social services funds. At least that's the description of it I've been given.

Taking the job would likely show good things for your part, too, in the eyes of the court and lawyers...it would show great effort on your part and that counts, even for character building. Any job I've been doing, L puts in the notes, even volunteer, to show effort on my part and that I'm not just sitting around.

And the job seems kind of definite, where alimony sounds hazy at best, so you could know you had any money coming.


Ashland 13

The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge


Posts: 1965 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 23
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