From your original post, I can relate a bit about being extremely naive and not enjoying affair sex. One of my best friends from high school became the OM when we were in college, but the first time he made a pass at me, I froze up, maybe I should have known being alone with him in his dorm room that that kind of thing was going to happen. I ignored it, and to avoid confrontation, we didn't speak for about a year, thinking that should get the point across. We went to a party a year later, and afterwards, he invited me over. I was definitely in denial about what was happening and caught up in a lot of unrelated emotions about it. I felt violated that he would violate our friendship this way, and the sex was terrible and devastating.
It took a long time to realize I was violating myself. My past had conditioned me to respond a certain way to sexual advances. I sought validation that I could control the past by putting myself in dangerous situations that I thought would empower me, allow me to be in control, say no for once. I was just reenacting the past, causing myself more harm. It was not the way to go about healing. It was really unhealthy.
You say that your husband was verbally abusive. Is he still? How have you healed from that? Are you in counseling? Stillovinghim makes a great point in that finding out why you made the choices you did is really vital and she explains well on how to go about digging around in your own mind to seek out some of those answers.
It will take time and effort and taking yourself out of your comfort zone. I can see you're not ready to dig too deep yet, but that is where you have to go if you want to be healthy and happy. Let go of the outcomes, whether your husband stays or goes, forgives or doesn't. You can only control you and your own choices.