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User Topic: My friend posted something very insensitive on FB
LadyYoga
♀ Member
Member # 28611
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm fuming. She shared the link about Simon Cowell on the news and her status said "here is another common story. I am hardly surprised". Calm me down!! Or am I just being too sensitive? Say something to her? She has been with me through my whole saga.


BS (me) 39
WH 50
DD,DS,DS
D-day 3/11/10 (3 month EA,1 week PA)
Whore was my best friend

Posts: 700 | Registered: May 2010
LadyYoga
♀ Member
Member # 28611
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here the link she shared...
http://news.yahoo.com/video/simon-cowell-dad-093611885.html


BS (me) 39
WH 50
DD,DS,DS
D-day 3/11/10 (3 month EA,1 week PA)
Whore was my best friend

Posts: 700 | Registered: May 2010
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think she's right..it is common...and Im not surprised either.

Cowell seems like a total NPD...Im guessing this woman is one in a long line of married women he has been with.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7393 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
LadyYoga
♀ Member
Member # 28611
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is right but knowing my story was it insensitive towards me to comment on it?


BS (me) 39
WH 50
DD,DS,DS
D-day 3/11/10 (3 month EA,1 week PA)
Whore was my best friend

Posts: 700 | Registered: May 2010
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think what your friend posted shows insensitivity.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8001 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
LadyYoga
♀ Member
Member # 28611
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Would a true friend do that? or not think of it possibly triggering me? Waiting to see who "likes" it just to send a message to me.


BS (me) 39
WH 50
DD,DS,DS
D-day 3/11/10 (3 month EA,1 week PA)
Whore was my best friend

Posts: 700 | Registered: May 2010
Schilling
♀ Member
Member # 39774
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did she post it directly on your page, or towards you specially?

We all trigger for difference reasons, and you have every right to feel as you do, but she also has a right to post things she deems interesting. It doesn't sound like she was being insensitive or malicious.


I am 26(Bgf). He is 36 (Wbf).
On Again, Off Again - 10 years.
Not Married. No Kids.
D-Day: Too many to list/ remember.
Trying to Reconcile.

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: San Francisco
hurtinky
♀ Member
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How is it insensitive to you? Because she said something negative about him? I don't believe that women woo weak men into affairs. When two people have an affair, believe it that they both clearly decided to have an affair.

I'm not sure why you need to give your husband a pass by believing that he was a victim of the OW. Your husband chose to screw your friend. Simon C. chose to screw the wife of a friend.

Your friend is not only entitled to her opinion, she is correct. Simon C. Is an asshole. People who have sex with the spouse of a friend have serious problems and they are genuine assholes.


Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12



Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did she post it on your wall? Or was she simply commenting on a current news story?

Infidelity is rampant. Narcissistic assholes like Cowell abound. His behavior was egregious--and frankly, that it's being viewed in a derogatory fashion is GOOD. Far better we think he's a scumbag for impregnating his "good friend's" wife than we simply ... pretend it didn't happen.

Her commentary is on-target.

Many use Facebook to comment on what's trending in the news.

I am married to a man whose middle name is Personality Disorder. One who lied to me about who he was our entire relationship, and who cheated on me, epically and ultimately castastrophically, for years. OCs? I have no idea. He tended to prefer people he'd never see again. There very well may be OCs; Lord knows there was never any protection used.

And I would not be offended by a Facebook post like this. An eyebrow might rise if it was posted directly to ME, but even then, I might wonder whether my friend were trying, in a very awkward way, to say, "You're not alone. Look how egregiously this guy behaved!"

Because, really, we're not alone. And as sad as that is, it makes me feel better---it feels better to learn (after years of suffering secretly) that there are others who share my sad experience and can relate.

I'd be inclined to view my friend's post as ...well, probably just passing on a news tidbit. Not specifically to you, but likely because at one time or another, American Idol was something that interested her.

I've come to conclude that most everything is NOT ABOUT ME. I suspect that your friend's post is not about you. And really, it's neither fair nor realistic to expect those around us to suspend all discussion of everything infidelity-related. If you have that expectation, you will be sorely disappointed, and likely estranged from some very good people.

ETA: I think it's well worth exploring why this is triggering you so badly. And I think it's also well worth exploring why--as was mentioned--you are viewing your husband's betrayal in the light you are. Simon Cowell is an asshole for cheating with his "friend's" wife. Your husband was an asshole for cheating on you. He was not a victim. He made a series of decisions that made cheating all right. Your healing will begin in earnest when you accept this. Only then will you be able to move forward in truth. You will never experience the emotional intimacy so vital to a healthy marriage until you weave your husband's betrayal (borne of conscious DECISIONS) into your marital fabric, and learn to embroider new experiences --- honest, healing ones---around that flaw.

[This message edited by solus sto at 10:43 AM, August 1st (Thursday)]


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8676 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Heavy Sigh
♀ Member
Member # 34243
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mom,

Her indignation would indicate she is supportive of you and the rest of us who believe there should be a thing called morals and commitment, and are unhappy with those who seem to not care about those things,.

It is sometimes difficult at stressful times to distinguish the difference between innocent remarks or situations that are well-intended but make us feel bad or trigger us.

You did the right thing - took a few breaths, asked us here, before confronting your friend who would see herself supportive of your values in this comment, and would be surprised by your reaction.

A counselor told my friend in a crisis to distinguish between thoughts and emotions. My friend had no idea that there are differences between thoughts and feelings - or even unpleasant facts and a reaction. She judged things by how they made her feel, so she was forever having difficulty with people. She was often angry at those who gave her unpleasant facts, or bad news - a "kill the messenger" reaction. She judged people harshly over small mistakes - memory lapses, that sort of thing, because if it affected her in any way, she took it personally.

All of us here become easily emotional during the worst of it. I know I've snapped at family and taken things the wrong way when stressed.


[This message edited by Heavy Sigh at 10:43 AM, August 1st (Thursday)]


Posts: 1917 | Registered: Dec 2011
hurtinky
♀ Member
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm having a hard time understanding what could possibly be insensitive about her comment.

Is it that you need to believe that perhaps Simon C. got tricked by this woman? Because, that's absolutely not true. He knew what he was doing.

Do you need to believe that men get tricked by evil OW? And to suggest otherwise causes you discomfort? Why do you need to believe that the OW in your case lured your weak and unsuspecting husband into an affair? What happens if you accept the truth, that he was all in, on his own accord and choice?


Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12



Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unless she posted it directly onto your wall, there is no reason for you to be upset with her. You can hardly expect her to never ever read or comment on a news story just because you might be triggered and might see it.

If it ended up in your news feed- be mad at facebook. I remember back int he good old days of no news feeds. I miss it...


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
tryinginmi
♀ Member
Member # 29358
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also see it as her being supportive of you and acknowledging how damaging A's truly are.


Me - BW 40
Him - FWH 39
Her - MOW 47 Fat Assed Toothless Man Faced Whore!!!

DD#1 July 28, 2010 Admitted to EA. A went underground.
DD#2 August 19,2010 Admitted PA


Posts: 996 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Michigan
LadyYoga
♀ Member
Member # 28611
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all!!! I think I (and my H )are the only ones who saw it as insensitive because we talk about it all the time. You are right that I have to realize that not everything is about me!


BS (me) 39
WH 50
DD,DS,DS
D-day 3/11/10 (3 month EA,1 week PA)
Whore was my best friend

Posts: 700 | Registered: May 2010
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm another vote for not understanding Mom's rather cryptic post about a link posted by a friend on Facebook.

Did she simply share today's gossip story about Simon Cowell getting his best friend's wife pregnant? Those stupid sensational stories come out of Hollywood every day, they ARE common and they DON'T surprise most of us anymore when we hear them.

Being honest, I think you're trying to make everything all about you - and this wasn't all about you.

Lastly, if this is a friend whose been through the entire saga with you (as you say in your first post), I'm a little surprised at how little faith you have in her due to your perceived notion that this story was supposedly all about you.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1751 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 15

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