It is 8 months, some things have improved, he is making steps forward but it's not perfect, my rage is not as bad as it once was, but I am still angry. The rage, the anger, the hurt is unbearable at times. It must be grief, the loss of my old life my old understanding, the loss of trust the loss of who I thought he was. I thought and always said he was a great man...now I feel like a fake saying it.
My husband works with the OW in a different department but they absolutely can cross paths, they can "see" each other if they desire. People that work with them have told me that they "saw the sparks" and knew something was up between the two of them. She is known to get around and flirt, my husband was not that person. He looked at other women but I never saw him flirt. When I see him look at pretty women now I become mad, so angry I just want to jump on the woman and hit her so hard. I feel ugly, unloved, unwanted, the more angry I become the more I push my husband away. It gets better and then it washes in like a tide that won't recede. I want to stop being angry with him, with myself, and her. Even though I really do hate her, I cannot hate my husband I have always loved him. But I am angry, my husband calls it Rage at times and I cannot control it. Help!!!
[This message edited by JustHurting10 at 9:37 AM, August 1st (Thursday)]
I wanted to welcome you and let you know that there are many here that can identify with what you're struggling through right now.
It's really good that you reached out for support
"I'm happily indifferent to the ones who have consistently been wrong" ~kd lang~
I'm also dealing with rage, lots of it, but sadly I can't release it as WH can't take it...I think I may blow.
I'm sorry we're here.
Your d-day is my wedding anniversary. We have been married since 6/8/96, we have two sons: Ian age 16 dob: 7/18/97 and Dane age 14 dob: 8/13/98.
We have been together 23 years, I am 43...I feel like if my marriage falls apart I am a failure, that my life was no important that I invested this time for nothing.
I know the OW, she is married to a 59 year old man, she is 34. It's funny in a way, she is not prettier than me, not smarter, she was just someone available and my husband found her attractive and he said he liked the attention. The affair went on for over a year. I found a sex video that she made for my husband because he was having a bad day, she called him pet names, she was completely naked, doing everything and talking to my husband the entire time. He said that they never had sex...who send a masterbation video to a man and has not had sex with them. What's funny...all along I had sent little sexting things to my husband, I have never been a prude or said no to things...now I cannot even stomach a nude picture of a woman, no porn nothing...it feels like such a violation when for the last 20+ years I never said no. My husband even says I look better than her, that I have a pretty face, that I look young for my age, but I made him feel insignificant and that he couldn't do anything right, that I was always mad and that I RAGE.