Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Despondant68 (43159)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: More lies
DOmomma09
♀ Member
Member # 39920
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My background story is that my husband paid for webcam sex about 3 months after I gave birth to our daughter. I let it go because he had never lied to me and told me the truth about it. But since then I've been having a hard time letting it go, and have noticed some suspicious behavior.

After I found messages in his spam folder (that had been read), I confronted him thinking it was from the webcam site. He insisted it was just spam, and I believed him, but then he changed his password.

Tonight, I confronted him for the second time about money I've found hidden in his closet (this time over $1,000). I know realize he lied to my face in the past when I'd ask him where all that money went. He feels he was justified to keep it somewhere safe so we didn't spend it (the men in his family always do keep a stash of money around, sort of tradition).

But now I know he can look me in the eye and lie to me, so I'm having a really hard time trusting him with everything else. He stands by his statement that he only paid for webcam once. He had never given me a reason to doubt him before, but now he has.

After I let him know that he's proven himself untrustworthy, his first response was "fine don't trust me then". With time it changed to, "I see where you're coming from but I don't know how to fix it." When I asked about changing his password he said it was because I was snooping and he knew I would get mad whenever he got spam.

I just don't know what to make of all this. Thoughts?


Posts: 53 | Registered: Jul 2013
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well maybe the two of you can open his email account together whenever you want to check it. However if he is still doing bad things and he is diligent about cleaning up the email trails then you probably won't find it this way and even if you had his password then your chances of finding evident (if he is diligent) would be slim.

I really don't have any more advice but maybe someone will jump in here


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

There are shortcuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them-Vicky Baum


Posts: 49743 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Wonderingwhy11
♀ Member
Member # 34782
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was naïve about behavior you describe as seeing. I believed the reasons for passwords on his phone and computer and reasons for his moody behavior. KWIK these are signs not to be ignored. I was lied to for two years after I first became suspicious of an A.

After I let him know that he's proven himself untrustworthy, his first response was "fine don't trust me then". With time it changed to, "I see where you're coming from but I don't know how to fix it." When I asked about changing his password he said it was because I was snooping and he knew I would get mad whenever he got spam.

This I find alarming. Telling you fine and then later changing to say I agree why you think that. That is what I will call fog behavior. The saying if you have nothing to hide you hide nothing rings true.

My advice is to trust your instincts and start looking for evidence he cant lie about. Unfortunately they will lie instead of admitting the truth and they will say anything to make you think you are the crazy one.

The webcam sex thing is also a red flag behavior that is a little more than just looking at pictures and porn. If this behavior is making you uncomfortable then I would not ignore that feeling. Also, hiding cash is another sign. I found out my WH cashed checks and used the money on the trips he went on with OW. He also opened another charge card and would not give me access to the card or provide statements. Trust your gut. Start working on a plan for yourself if he continues to be evasive.

I wish I found this site while I was in the "fact finding" stage. There is lots of good information.

ETA My WH is self employeed and it was easier to hid cash.

[This message edited by Wonderingwhy11 at 10:36 PM, August 1st (Thursday)]


Me BW - 46
Him WH - 53
Together 23 yrs, Married 18
DDay August 2011
2 kids - 13 and 15

Gotta love the life that we livin'


Posts: 376 | Registered: Feb 2012
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure what advice I could add, other than if you do go forward with trusting him at this point you might want to go with the "trust, but verify" approach.

Trust can take a long time to grow back once it has been broken.

At this point in time, he needs to be doing everything he can to make you feel safe, especially in the areas of truthfulness and transparency.


"The hero of my tale, whom I love with all the power of my soul, whom I have tried to portray in all his beauty, who has been, is, and will be beautiful, is Truth." - Leo Tolstoy

Posts: 4482 | Registered: Dec 2010
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Um, why would the spam folder messages show up as "read" ??

Who reads their spam folder?? Seems more likely he read them then 'moved' them to the spam folder or something..

I don't know, something sounds fishy there.

And "fine, don't trust me," "I don't know how" and not being FULLY transparent all seem like unremorseful/active wayward sayings and behaviors..


BW~ 35, Two Darling Sons~ 10 and 6
D-Day 9/2012
S 10/2012
Filed D 11/2012
Divorced! 4/2014

Posts: 1362 | Registered: Feb 2013
Topic Posts: 5

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.