It's still early days. It will get better with time
The people you do your life with shape the life you live
It sounds to me like you are doing the right things. Some days are much worse than others.
Keep in mind that you are working on yourself for you, too. With that thought in mind, it can make it easier to keep going, even if you feel a like it is not doing your BH or the marriage any good on those rough days. Hang in there, and keep up the good work...
[This message edited by LosferWords at 5:47 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)]
Hang in there.
There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox
When we first started out I felt like I needed my BS to believe in me, that I wanted him to SEE all I was doing to heal myself and us.
I finally came to a place, after some time, when I realized that I no longer needed it. That is about the time when he started to really acknowledge what I was doing, and how far I had come.
Hang tight, keep working
"Your secrets keep you sick"
Think of it this way:
Random stranger walks up and beats the holy stuffing out of you while wearing street clothes. He then fixes his hair, puts on a suit, and comes to the hospital to show you (while you're incapable of getting away) that he's a changed man because ... well, he LITERALLY changed while you were getting operated on, thus "changed."
That's all he can see at this point. YOU feel different because you're starting to take responsibility and acknowledge these things you did to ruin the marriage, but he just still sees the person who kicked the crap out of him.
I know you don't want to hear it, but it takes time. With enough perseverance and continued good behavior on your part, he WILL notice, and he will be much less snarky about it. It just takes time and dedication. Are you up for it?
reading your story, i cant help but feel that you'll have to try extra hard at restoring some semblance of trust. what are you doing about that? could it be that him harboring distrust of you or not knowing for sure is keeping him at DDay? (i know it did/does me)
also what NiK said; look to validate yourself through what you do NOW and from now on. you'll eventually start to see the fruits of your own efforts and your effort will definitely be manifest to him in time...