Lately when my Ex has been coming for dinner visits during the week, he asks my son to drive "son's car" from my house to the restaurant, parking his mid-life-crisis-mobile on my street. It irritates me because "son's car" legally belongs to me and I pay 100% of insurance, registration, inspection, maintenance, and gas. Not to mention foregoing the value of trading it in. The only thing Ex kicks in for is the cost of insuring my son as a driver.
Our divorce decree clearly states that Ex is responsible for transportation for his dinner visits. But I have said nothing in the name of keeping the peace. It's just a few miles to a local dinner place, right? Why stir the pot?
Well if you don't set your boundaries early, they will trample all over them. Today I sent an email to Ex asking when he is picking the kids up to take them for his week long vacation with them. He blithely replied that because HIS mid-life-crisis-mobile won't hold the stuff they need for a week long vacation, son will drive "son's car" on Ex's vacation with them. 100+ miles away. No asking for my permission. No mention of contributing any money.
I hate causing drama with Ex but taking MY car on HIS vacation goes way, way beyond any reasonable boundary.
Besides asserting my boundaries with Ex, I know I also need to speak to son, and explain to him that he is not entitled to loan MY car without my permission. But I hate putting him in the position of saying no to his father.
[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 2:35 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)]
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man, ~ Shakespeare
WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW. Undiagnosed SA?)
Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.
Lastly, I would kindly suggest that if ExH cannot fit everything in his mid-life-crisis-mobile then he needs to make arrangements to get a rental vehicle that will work for them.
Jeez. What an entitled jerk your x is......
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
He blithely replied that because HIS mid-life-crisis-mobile won't hold the stuff they need for a week long vacation, son will drive "son's car" on Ex's vacation with them.
DS driving WITH them is suddenly going to become, "Well it doesnt make sense to drive two cars when we can all fit in yours, Son".
No WAY would I allow this. Tell XH to rent a car, rent a van, whatever - but the car DS drives (YOUR car) isn't leaving the garage.
And if your son gives you any grief (cause most teenagers do), just show him the vehicle title, and ask him to have his father buy him a car to keep at his house.
[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 6:28 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)]
I explained to Ex very politely and without emotion that the car belongs to me and that I pay 100% of the costs of owning it. I also repeated back to him something HE used to quote (from I think either Car Talk or Consumer Reports): that renting a large car for the one week you need it is sensible if you'd otherwise prefer to own a small car.
He replied with an argument that I should let son use the car to prove to him that I trust him.
I guess there are no other ways in the universe to demonstrate my trust than letting son drive on this one trip? Sheesh.
I replied back, again without emotion, that I don't want to have to get into issues about who pays for repairs or accidents on his vacation.
He replied with a long message, saying "this isn't about money, it's about our children". Say what? It isn't about him saving money on renting a car? Yeah right. He also said that it's a "waste" for "son's car" to sit in my car unused for a week. Gee, isn't HIS mid-life-crisis-mobile ALSO going to be "wasted" sitting in HIS garage? And gee, isn't it shocking how he hasn't offered to loan me HIS car for free for a week?
Never at any time did he offer one cent of reimubrsement for wear and tear on my car. (My employer pays me just over $0.5 a mile if I take my personal car on business.)
BTW, I didn't mention that part of Ex's plan was for son to drive to the center of a very large city to pick up Ex at Ex's place, with only younger son as his co-pilot. Older son has driven in this city exactly once, and I was next to him, coaching him the entire time. Gosh isn't it shocking how Ex didn't offer to drive out to my suburb and leave his car here, and save older son the trip into the city and back?
I replied yet again that while I am willing to loan Ex sheets and towels for his vacation house (and I know from experience that Ex will not wash them before returning them) I am not willing to loan my car.
Ex replied, "You haven't changed a bit."
No I HAVE changed. When we were married I jumped through all kinds of hoops to avoid his anger and silent treatment. Now I welcome them, or at least the silent part.
(Thank you for listening to my long rant.)
J/k on the reason, but I would not help an iota