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Newest Member: formerlyjoyful (44597)

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User Topic: Trigger today...another bite of the sh*t sandwich
HFSSC
♀ Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just.... ugh.

This is so stupid. Things are wonderful between JM and me. He is 1000% a changed man and goes above and beyond every single day to make me feel safe and to honor me.

BUT, this morning after I got to work, I checked my fb and there was a message from a friend of mine. This is a woman I don't know extremely well; we met through the radio station that we made the promotional video for. She and I share a lot in common, including being nurses, recovering addicts, and dealing with infidelity. She has been D for about a year from her XWH. Until today, I never really thought about the fact that she resembles Whoreible in physical appearance.

So, there's a message from her in my inbox this am. She apparently replied to a message from me:

hey my friend when you goanna come back up and spend a day with us. we can get jm to grill out. That man can cook like no other.

She replied:


id love too...what ya'll doin this wkend?

What's freaky about this is that I did not write that message. I would not have misspelled words, used incorrect punctuation, etc. The message used JM's nickname.

By the time I saw the message, JM was asleep (he works nights). So I've stewed all day. Did he send her a message from my fb? WTF? Why would he do that? Was I hacked? WTF? Why would anyone do that and send such a stupid message? I'm literally sick to my stomach waiting until it's time for him to get up so I can talk to him about it.

I hate this. I hate it so much. This is a perfectly nice woman who I like a lot but now cannot get past her resemblance to Whoreible.

No question here. Just needed to get this crap out of my head.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2698 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
wanttogoforward
♀ Member
Member # 29912
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ummm.... this is freaky! And I don't think JM would be sleeping- I think I'd beat him over the head with a kettle until he wakes up so I can get answers.... are you sure no one else has access to your FB? Does he? Is he usually a bad speller?
If he has no clue then someone has been in your FB.... and yet, if an OW had your info why would she send something so harmless (other than the coincidence of who she looks like)? I guess I'd really want to know if he did it why? Because of her looks? Because he felt you need a friend? Why?

Posts: 1178 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still lost
HFSSC
♀ Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just talked to him. It was him. He doesn't know why he sent it. He feels like shit now. It's so stupid. Just stupid. Shitty boundaries, dumbass decision.

My immediate response was to tell him it was okay. He said he was sorry 15 times. But this is really something that needs to be examined. I just can't fathom why he would have thought this was okay, even in the moment.

God I hate this!


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2698 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
Tired05
♀ Member
Member # 39609
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is pretty weird...but very convenient that it was done through your FB. Did the woman know it was your WH on your FB or did she think it was you?

Also, I like the Whoreible thing! I may adopt it.


Together 6 yrs. M 4 yrs. DD born 3/1/2013.
Me: BS -- Him: 1 EA/PA (6mos), PA (MW), and 6 ONS...Been at it for almost 5 yrs. *Still slave to TT* 1st DDay- 11/24/2012,
.....OC due in August.....

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
SoVerySadNow
♀ Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Certainly out of bounds, and something worth examining. Seems so out of the blue.
Love the compliment he added about himself.
I would be upset too.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1289 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
sodamnlost
♀ Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is so stupid. Things are wonderful between JM and me. He is 1000% a changed man and goes above and beyond every single day to make me feel safe and to honor me.

I just talked to him. It was him. He doesn't know why he sent it.

Gently, ^^^^ THIS is not honoring you! How many Dday do you need to see what he has been showing you for years? It sounds like he is just getting better at the game and at manipulating you. ((((HUGS)))) So very sorry!


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. After reading your profile, it just seems you keep re-living the same stuff over and over and over. It's like he sets you up to believe all is going to be well, then he knocks you down all over again.

I know what a steady diet of that shit sandwich tastes like - I ate it pretty steadily myself for a year before I left his sorry ass.

I hope you can get to the real truth of this latest lapse of judgment. Sending good thoughts to you.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1675 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry... hugs!


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4696 | Registered: Dec 2010
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was him. He doesn't know why he sent it.

WTF????

Please do not try to rugsweep this. It IS a big deal. JM sounds like he could do with a bit more working on himself.

((((HFSSC))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...

Posts: 2541 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The fact he was talking about himself in 3rd person, super weird. I would want to get to the bottom of it and wake him up, but that's just me.

Sorry, sweetie, that doesn't sound good...


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs, honey.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 24767 | Registered: Aug 2011
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Echoing what the other folks here said. This is very concerning. A serious boundary violation.

Contacting another woman on Facebook, one who happens to resemble OW, using your account, and inviting her to see BOTH of you, while throwing in a compliment about himself?

Not good at all. Was he looking for some kind of validation or ego stroke? And as Tired asked, did your friend think it was you?

[This message edited by silverhopes at 3:50 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)]


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus. Be mindful, compassionate, and responsible… Something valuable I learned on SI. :)

Posts: 3900 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He does know why he sent it. Sorry. You don't go into your wife's facebook account and message one of her friends without knowing why. Shame on him for doing it and lying about it.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4009 | Registered: Sep 2005
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ummm... did he NOT THINK she would reply and you would see the sent message and the reply?
or did he think he was using his own account?


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4696 | Registered: Dec 2010
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just talked to him. It was him. He doesn't know why he sent it.

Oh no

Do you think he'd be willing to post about it in the WS Forum?

(((HFSSC)))


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197026 | Registered: May 2002
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending you both love and strength to do the work to repair this.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4992 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Dallas2
♀ Member
Member # 28362
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Warning!!!

Agree with others, he knows why he did it. Is it possible he is jelous of you having a realationship with someone other than him?

Regardless of the reason, stop it now.


Me

Posts: 828 | Registered: Apr 2010
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rachelc, I thought the same thing at first, but he was referring to himself in the third person, so he had to know he was using her account.


HFSSC, I've been thinking about this since we spoke, and I have come up with a few ideas...

1) He is looking for outside validation, ie, the compliment about himself being a good cook. My guess is that he was trying to elicit some sort of a response from her about what a great hubby you have...like oh HFSSC, you are so lucky to have such a sweet husband that loves to cook". He's looking for female validation. Since your friendship with her sprung out of the radio station video thing y'all did, is he feeling like some sort of a 'mentor' to her, and do you think he is getting off on being a KISA to her?

2) He may be "into" her, and wants to see her, but knows that contacting her himself would be unacceptable to you, but how on earth he planned to continue the conversation with her without you knowing is beyond me. Ask him how he planned to handle her acceptance of the invitation.

3) was he drinking when he did this?

4) were you home when he did this?

5) go into your Facebook 'search' and see if he searched for anybody or anything else before he sent the message

Other than the above, I simply can not understand it, especially when he KNEW you would see it!!!!

Only other explanation....he had an attack of the stupids.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7031 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
boontje
♀ Member
Member # 33247
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((HF))
I'm so sorry. I'm glad you didn't tell him it's ok. It is far from that. I think painpain is spot on. I'm hoping JM will open up to you so you can figure out where his head is at the moment. I'm also sorry she has such a strong resemblance to Whorible. Thinking of you and sending thoughts of strength to you. Hugs.


Me: BS
Dday: June 2011
Working on R, one day at a time

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”
― Ernest Hemingway



Posts: 934 | Registered: Aug 2011
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree and so sorry.

Back to Dday 1.

I would say he liked her and was fishing for a way to see her again through another get together. He wanted to feel good about himself, so he was hoping to get her to compliment him.

I don't think it is a coincidence that she looks like the AP. How long ago did he sent the message?

He knows why....make him spill the beans.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 9yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 931 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
Topic Posts: 45
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