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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: In House Separation
laney57
♀ Member
Member # 35617
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a rant...
I HATE this separation in the same house. I HATE him! How am I ever going to move on in this situation?
He lost his job, I just found one. Nothing compared to his salary of course... But I'm hoping this will help. He is so depressed (about job of course) and I'm still so hurt about this whole mess he created. I can't talk about it, because that will make it worse (oh the wrath of his tongue)
I just don't know.. Not my doing, but still so painful.
Thanks for listening ...


Me - BS, 43
Him - WH, 45
Married - 22 years
D-Day - 05/12/2012
Trying to find me.
Gotta do this, but I'm broken - headed for divorce - 02/20
Hell if I know - 02/24
INS 07/2013 Divorcing

Posts: 226 | Registered: May 2012 | From: KY
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((laney57)))

I did it for eight months. It was hell. I felt like I was given a get out of jail pass when I left to go to work, and then I felt a horrible sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach when I pulled into the driveway. It was lovely when he had to go away or work at night.

I hope you can get out soon. I can't believe that I ever lived that way.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3572 | Registered: Oct 2011
laney57
♀ Member
Member # 35617
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is brutal, and you made it! Gives me hope. If it weren't for my son, I would live in the car or go home (out of state)
I've truly never thought someone so ugly. Ugh... Can't wait for new FT job next week :).


Me - BS, 43
Him - WH, 45
Married - 22 years
D-Day - 05/12/2012
Trying to find me.
Gotta do this, but I'm broken - headed for divorce - 02/20
Hell if I know - 02/24
INS 07/2013 Divorcing

Posts: 226 | Registered: May 2012 | From: KY
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep-- you can do it. I did it for my kids as well while I saved money and looked for the right house. I guess the eight months was worth the wait because I found the perfect home for me and my kids.

Hang in there-- glad you have a job to escape to! Just make sure that you're doing something every day to move on, whether it's legal paperwork, scouting out a new place (if you're leaving), saving money, opening a new bank account, etc. Those little steps meant a great deal to me. Every hurdle crossed, no matter how small, made me feel like I was getting closer to freedom.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3572 | Registered: Oct 2011
dbellanon
♂ Member
Member # 39236
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm in the last month of an in-house separation (thank god!). It's no fun at all. Do you have any sort of exit strategy, any particular end in sight? Are you looking to move out or is he?


ME: BH, 28
Her: WW, 27
DD: 4
Married 6 Years.
DDay: Early May, 2013
Divorced

Posts: 212 | Registered: May 2013
laney57
♀ Member
Member # 35617
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trying, thank you! Yes, I'm doing all the time. It's pretty easy to be motivated daily now that we are ALWAYS looking at each other.
dbellanon,
I need to stay in the school district which is fine with me. I don't know if I'll stay in this house though (rental). He would leave in a minute if the job is out of state. So I pray, he finds something very very soon. I have thought about picking up and just moving to another place close, but I need to wait to start work.
I thought dday was horrific, nothing is worse than living amongst your "soulmate" or so I thought that has absolutely no remorse. Even a little kindness, goes a long way. "Get over it" is what I hear, so I've gone silent on that subject. Thankfully, I've had some great advise here on SI. I no longer feel that I did something wrong. He doesn't even claim that... So... I will continue to hide my bit of $ and worry about my boy. Congrats on your last month!!


Me - BS, 43
Him - WH, 45
Married - 22 years
D-Day - 05/12/2012
Trying to find me.
Gotta do this, but I'm broken - headed for divorce - 02/20
Hell if I know - 02/24
INS 07/2013 Divorcing

Posts: 226 | Registered: May 2012 | From: KY
mandan66
♂ Member
Member # 40075
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(laney57)

I have the same story; it was brutal, but we did it for 4 months, just so as to not disrupt things at school for our boys, and I'm glad we did, even though the stress of it was overwhelming at times. Sometimes (like now) I sit back and marvel at the insanity of everything that has gone on in the last year. But, what always has kept me going is my boys, and the idea of moving forward, and getting all my ducks in a row, as they say. Every small step leads to a bigger step. Hang in there!


Me: 47; WW: 48
2 DS: 9, 14
M:18--T:19
DDay: Jan/13
Divorced and Done!--7/13

Posts: 121 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: KS
BrokenDaisy
♀ Member
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 6:26 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just moved out yesterday after 19 months. It is hell. It is tough BUT you can and will survive it. Focus as much as you can on yourself and your son. I also thought I'd never make it but I have. (((Laney)))


Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Divorced!!

Posts: 242 | Registered: Oct 2012
laney57
♀ Member
Member # 35617
Wink  Posted: 7:52 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mandan66 and brokendaisy,
Thank you both for the encouraging words! I think I have really learned and am starting to get my self-esteem back on track (most days anyways)
Keep moving I guess


Me - BS, 43
Him - WH, 45
Married - 22 years
D-Day - 05/12/2012
Trying to find me.
Gotta do this, but I'm broken - headed for divorce - 02/20
Hell if I know - 02/24
INS 07/2013 Divorcing

Posts: 226 | Registered: May 2012 | From: KY
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did it as well. It is hell and it seems like time is standing still but it does come to an end at some point. As others have stated the more you do now to prepare the better off you will be once the in-house is over. I spent the last few months doing the 180 and focusing on me and things I wanted to do for me and the kids. When STBXW finally moved out I already had the next phase of my lfe roughed out. The only thing I couldn't really prepare for was sharing custody of my kids and not seeing them for 50% of the time. However you never truly realize just how toxic a person can be until they are actually gone and you see just how quickly sanity and calm return to your life. Things got so much better for me once she moved out. It will get better for you as well.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
D hopefully official any day now, off to check the mail again.

Posts: 1893 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
laney57
♀ Member
Member # 35617
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7yrsflushed,
You are all inspiring me. I wasn't doing so well last night obviously. When I want to scream "I hate you", I come to SI.
I've tried over and over with the 180. It is so hard for me to keep quiet. Quiet about the weather is just as hard as the A for me :) I'm a talker... He's not.
Anyways, I was doing very well with the 180 until he went out of state for an interview. He played me well... So, I hit a speed bump, but am continuing on.

I need to get a few weeks under my belt with work and should be in a much better place soon!

Thank you again 7yrsflushed!


Me - BS, 43
Him - WH, 45
Married - 22 years
D-Day - 05/12/2012
Trying to find me.
Gotta do this, but I'm broken - headed for divorce - 02/20
Hell if I know - 02/24
INS 07/2013 Divorcing

Posts: 226 | Registered: May 2012 | From: KY
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oh my gosh...i have been living like this for 4 and half years....but in my circumstance until recently there were only a few people who knew....i told my ws i wanted a d 6 months after d-day but wanted to stay together for the kids....in name only....its been the hardest 4 and half years of my life.....

a part of me regrets not kicking him to the door instantly....but i would have regretted that decision if my kids turned out with lots of issues since they were all teens at the time and very hormonal....so i did what i would regret the least...

the outcome...2 out of 3 are amazing and the 3rd is somewhat stuck and could very well be because of the tenseness in the home....tis a long story, but the short of it is for a good long time my kids knew nothing except mom and dad were having issues and seeking counseling....

they all now know, i am and have been taking steps for financial stability, they are all as of this sept in college and so i am nearing the end of this part of my journey and dreading and looking forward to the next part.....

i am pretty sure my ws will not leave and when its time to formalize things and he will be monstrous.....he doesn't want a "d"...

just know that you are so so not alone, there are many of us.....and eventually it will be done....and you will find peace within....i really believe this......


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 6038 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh laney, even with a remorseful x it was six months of hellish limbo. I can't even begin to imagine what you're experiencing.

Big hugs. It will be over one day and your NB will be sweet.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17317 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 13

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