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Newest Member: SoGutted (44679)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Am I a boyfriend?
turned123
♂ Member
Member # 33663
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you like or expect to be introduced as a boyfriend or girlfriend when being introduced at social events? Versus being introduced as 'this is my friend turned123' back story is we dated exclusively for a year broke up and have been back together for 2 months after a 3 month break.


me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids

Posts: 334 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: milwaukee
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I would expect to be introduced as someone's girlfriend if we are in an exclusive relationship.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15318 | Registered: Jun 2006
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just prefer to be introduced by name.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13679 | Registered: Jul 2011
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes and no When my SO and I started getting to that point, I was weirded out when he called me his girlfriend (felt too old for that) and then a little hurt when he introduced me as his friend.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1241 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
inconnu
♀ Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't expect to be introduced by anything other than my name, and quite honestly, for work-related social events, I'd prefer not to be called "the girlfriend." I feel I get taken more seriously without the extra label, and I don't want to meet SO's co-workers feeling at a disadvantage. (Probably just a hang-up of mine, after years of being ignored once I said I was a sahm.)

With friend social events though, most of the people we've introduced each other to already knew about us, even if they hadn't met one of us yet. I think we've both gotten our fair share of "I've heard so much about you."

And honestly, SO and I put off such a "we're a couple" vibe when we're together, someone would have to be pretty dense to not pick up on it.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12144 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
turned123
♂ Member
Member # 33663
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Clear as mud y'all! Clear as mud lately I've been a bit hurt by it in the purely social settings. Sometimes it makes me wonder if we really are on the same page. The couple vibe thing I get. It seems I like the label though despite the label not being there.

[This message edited by turned123 at 7:49 PM, July 29th (Monday)]


me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids

Posts: 334 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: milwaukee
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

turned, aside from one relationship that I should have left long before I did, I've never been in a relationship where I felt the need to "stake my claim" in a way of being introduced as "the girlfriend" or anything like that. I assume (or make clear that I expect) my SO doesn't hide me; people who are important in his life would already know who I am before I meet them. Women who are predatory would be dismissed by him because he has me; people who are casual acquaintances will be able to figure it out by watching us interact.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13679 | Registered: Jul 2011
turned123
♂ Member
Member # 33663
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks AMA! For me I don't feel any need to 'stake a claim' rather feel relevant. It's not always either. As noted there are obvious situations where it's not appropriate using any label and honestly it can sound very juvenile. I guess it truly depends on the circumstance. It's not a hang up of mine I was just curious really about what others liked. Sometimes I'm introduced that way sometimes not (always socially) and I've found I enjoy it when I am.


me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids

Posts: 334 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: milwaukee
jennie160
♀ Member
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When you introduce her at social events, what title do you use? Maybe she is just waiting to take her cue from you.

If SO introduced me as a "friend" I would probably be hurt as well but if he just introduced me by name I don't think I would think twice about it.


Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I am thinking of fairly social situations. Even the first times I met his coworkers, they had heard ALL about me And in some situations there kinda needs to be an explanation of who this person is. When he was introducing me around to some of his son's friend's moms at sports events he was so good to say, "This is Billy's mom Wanda, this is my friend/girlfriend MP" We talked about it afterwards about how awkward the whole thing was and there never were hurt feeling, just new territory as neither of us had a BF/GF in many moons.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1241 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
turned123
♂ Member
Member # 33663
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I introduce her to my friends I usually say "this is my girlfriend xyz" but with buisiness associates I always use full name. Yes! It is new ground being 50 and having a 'girlfriend' I think my thread label might have been misleading, I was just wonderig what the masses thought.

[This message edited by turned123 at 9:52 AM, July 30th (Tuesday)]


me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids

Posts: 334 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: milwaukee
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I prefer to just use a name, but sometimes "friend" has it's place. People can read between the lines, but "friend" seems more fitting when kids or colleagues are present because it is less suggestive than "boyfriend/girlfriend."

Posts: 3334 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
torn2bits
♀ Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just had this conversation with someone. It was the line between and exclusive relationship or someone you are dating.

If exclusive, its full name in business gatherings, if its family, social its girlfriend. If not exclusive its someone who is not your girlfriend/boyfriend YET, so its just "friend".

I do think for some, the big deal about showing everyone your SO is spoken for has a lot to do with it. The predatory kind can be at the work functions and would want to know if your taken.

For me its just torn, that's all. Very different from STBX still introducing me at kids functions as his wife! Argh!!!
That's another story.


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 13

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