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Newest Member: aklc (44236)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: he passed the poly - no PA
hpv50
♀ Member
Member # 39703
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But this was NOT a standard poly, which neither of us realized until afterwards. The tester was phenomenal - really he was part psychologist, part tester - and in addition to the three actual poly questions, spent a lot of time quizzing my husband with follow-up questions. It was actually fairly intense (the tester was a former police interrogator). The tester was legit - licensed in our state, active on the state board, does this full time, etc. so it's hard to describe ex post, but it was a pretty amazing experience.

I wanted to know whether 1) the EAs were really PAs; 2) whether there were more EAs, and 3) whether he had strong feelings for the EAs. The tester helped formulate the issues, and the third couldn't really be tested, so instead he suggested I ask whether my husband had a woman in my house while I was overseas.

I found out that my husband had actually been telling the truth in the last two weeks - I didn't believe him because he'd spent the prior 8 weeks lying and gaslighting me. It was hard to know what to believe any more. I found out that there was no PA, despite my hpv.

In addition to the hpv, my case is somewhat unique in that I was also diagnosed with hypothyroidism, which is an autoimmune disorder of sorts. Some studies show a link between HIV and hpv, another more extreme form of autoimmune disease. So its possible my compromise immune system pulled the hpv out of remission. And no, in answer to others questions, I had no contact with anyone other my husband in 21 years, so we really are in the 2% where the hpv came out of long-term remission. My husband said that in hindsight, the hpv was a godsend of sorts because it stopped something that easily could have developed into a PA.

So at least now I know what I'm up against - two attempted EA's and one attempted date in a three year period. It still hurts, but hopefully now we can move forward with MC.

For me, it's a huge milestone because I couldn't function without knowing the scope of the problem. I've been almost entirely gone from work since 5/9, and an emotional train wreck.

Thanks for all the support, as we move forward.


Me: BS - 50; Him: WH - 51, vulnerable NPD
married 19 years, maybe 20th soon?
DD1 4/22/13 (hpv diagnosis)
DD2 5/9/13 (gaslighting begins)
DD3 6/30/13 (admits EA)
DD4 7/7/13 admits "trying to date other women" for 3 years

Posts: 129 | Registered: Jun 2013
Sadwife222
♀ Member
Member # 40050
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad you're able to find some peace. I hope my WH's poly goes well. Being lied to is abuse.


Me BW, Him WH
DD #1, caught 4/12/13
DD #2, tells me the whole truth, 5/21/13
DD #3, TT until 8/9/13 then full disclosure w/timeline
DD #4, 8/26/13, OW texts me more info, he tells me the whole truth
DD # 5, 9/11/13, he tells me the whole truth??

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jul 2013
Getting to Happy
♀ Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is great. He took the poly and now you have a clearer picture of your life with him.

Let the healing begin.


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1138 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
ifinallyfoundme
♀ Member
Member # 39523
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 180 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wonderful news! I'm glad you can now have peace.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7021 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
hpv50
♀ Member
Member # 39703
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I forgot to mention that the tester also quizzed my husband on whether he had any secret email accounts, cell phones, etc. - things I hadn't thought about - so again, it was well beyond the standard poly.


Me: BS - 50; Him: WH - 51, vulnerable NPD
married 19 years, maybe 20th soon?
DD1 4/22/13 (hpv diagnosis)
DD2 5/9/13 (gaslighting begins)
DD3 6/30/13 (admits EA)
DD4 7/7/13 admits "trying to date other women" for 3 years

Posts: 129 | Registered: Jun 2013
still2suspicious
♀ Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hpv


**clapping hands**

Congrats to you and Mr HPV. Hopefully this will be a huge step forward.

I wish I had had SI at the start. I so want a poly, but at this late date I have a better chance of playing with snowballs in hell!!!


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1262 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so glad to hear that. Finally, a little water in teh desert huh?

(((hpv50)))

I hope this eases a little bit of stress. That can wreak havoc on our immune systems as well.

Sending good thoughts and hugs.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16344 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
hurtincolorado
♂ New Member
Member # 40001
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry to tell you but polys are not reliable. That is one of the reasons they are not admissible in court. If your spouse takes a mood stabilizer they can fool the poly. Also, the questions can't be "did you do X" as that is not a reliable method. Just google "are polygraphs reliable" and you will learn tons. Sorry

Posts: 38 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Colorado
hurtincolorado
♂ New Member
Member # 40001
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry to tell you but polys are not reliable. That is one of the reasons they are not admissible in court. If your spouse takes a mood stabilizer they can fool the poly. Also, the questions can't be "did you do X" as that is not a reliable method. Just google "are polygraphs reliable" and you will learn tons. Sorry

Posts: 38 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Colorado
JustWow
♀ Member
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey hurtincolorado,
WS have an even poorer reliability record with detecting/delivering the truth.

A WS who is willing to take one, and can actually pass is a better thing than one who won't take one or won't pass one.


BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)


Posts: 3581 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
mike7
♂ Member
Member # 38603
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

they're not admissible in court because the criminal standard is beyond a reasonable doubt. So, if there is a 1 percent chance it could be fooled, it wouldn't be admissible.

they certainly provide strong evidence that he is telling the truth however. I think you should be relieved. good luck with R.


BH 53
WW 52
Two kids 21, 18

DDay 1/15/2013


Posts: 510 | Registered: Mar 2013
HopeFloats2272
♀ New Member
Member # 39264
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can actually feel the relief!

Now get get out of Just Found Out and get into Reconciliation!


BS- 40, WH 38
Married 13yrs, 2 Sweet Boys-5 & 9
DD#1: 1/10/12- 6mo EA
DD#2: 8/23/12-revealed 1PA, 2ONS in 2010 and 1EA/PA in 2004
DD#3: 9/10/12- ONS w/friend in 2010
Lots of other crap and TT - basically I was married to a guy that forgot he was

Posts: 38 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Maryland
Topic Posts: 13

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