At first I was going to move out. But I am not. He will
Speak with a lawyer ASAP and take half of everything out of your bank accounts. All of this doesn't mean you have to D. But if you do, you need to protect yourself financially, because he is not going to be "nice" and give you what you deserve.
He gets all blustery, and then as you say shuts you out. Good let him pout, and act like a spoiled kid. Wait him out, don't talk to him, give him a good hard 180. I mean absolutetly no communication with him, no doing his laundry, no cooking his meals. Take care of you. Protect your heart.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not feel guilty for this. YOU did NOTHING wrong. He has you basically brainwashed into believing that you pushing, and you making demands is unacceptable, and then he manipulates you into guilt and shame. DO NOT ALLOW IT !!!!
It's hard to stop that cycle, but not impossible. When you start to make those changes, and realize that you are the one in the right, that you aren't the one who is crazy, or out of control, or whatever line of BS he throws at you, it will give you strength.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go see an attorney. Get some good sound advice on what S and D would look like for you. You deserve so much more than what he is giving you.
My FWH and I have R over 4 years now and the first two years he was truly remorseful.
Last year he stopped IC and has slowly gone back to his old ways, not infidelity, but treating me poorly and verbally abusive.
Two weeks ago, over a silly thing we started to argue and he called me a f--- C--t bitch.
He knows the "C" word is the worst thing he can say to me.
He did apologize but really thinks it was no big deal.
But for me after all the years of crap I put up with it just might be the last straw!!!
I think if he was not remorseful at the beginning, enough is enough, Kick his ass out and maybe he will have an epiphany!!!