Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: BrknBttrfly (43162)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: O.L.D. In town for business.....wants to go on a date..Red flag?
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
What?  Posted: 9:52 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So...there is a guy on the O.L.D site that I would definitely be interested in if he lived near me but he is about 4 hours away in Washington D.C....

He is here on business this week until Weds (according to his email) but said that maybe we could get together Weds night...??

I'm not sure about this one. It could be harmless but is it worth a try? Or not?

I would hate to have to go pepper-spray-ninja-redhead on his ass if he thinks he is getting a last minute out of town booty call.... NOT HAPPENING...

Thoughts please....

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 9:53 AM, July 29th (Monday)]


"Life's curve balls come out of nowhere.... just remember to duck and weave!"

ME - BW - 34
HIM - XWH - 38
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2421 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Setting aside the red flags about married men who date while on business trips, would you be interested in a long distance relationship? Would it be remotely feasible or desirable with your toddler, schedule, finances, etc.?

If you just want a fun date, sure, why not go? But if you are looking for a relationship, you should weigh whether you'd be interested in even bothering to get to know someone (anyone, not just this guy) who lives 4 hours away.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13188 | Registered: Jul 2011
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very true.... I certainly can't come visit him on a whim..... and I absolutely DESPISE long distance relationships. I've done it before and I hated it. I guess that's my answer in of itself!


"Life's curve balls come out of nowhere.... just remember to duck and weave!"

ME - BW - 34
HIM - XWH - 38
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2421 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm taking a course in project management right now, and one of the concepts that the professor focuses on frequently is called a "done statement". For a project, the done statement tells you when you have arrived at the end of the project. It also directs the work being done: if a task does not directly help to advance the project toward the done statement, that task is not included in the project.

OLD isn't exactly a project, but I think it's relevant to recognize your done statement (I have gotten the impression that for you it's an equality based relationship with someone to whom you are attracted both mentally and physically and who fits into your lifestyle) - and then only include "tasks" (i.e. communication, dates, etc.) that will or have the potential to move you toward your done statement.

This guy doesn't have the potential to do that. The smoker runner guy you kissed doesn't have the potential to do that. The poofer did. It's a simple way to filter - does he have the potential to move you to where you want to be, or not?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13188 | Registered: Jul 2011
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^Love this concept AMA^^^thanks to you (and to your professor!)


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 2824 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very true Ama! Very very true....

Stupid POOFER!!!


"Life's curve balls come out of nowhere.... just remember to duck and weave!"

ME - BW - 34
HIM - XWH - 38
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2421 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right or wrong...when I get those type emails "I'm in town for business...I'll take you wherever you want to go for dinner!", I ignore.

My assumption is they are married.

Ama uses a very good analogy...keep your eyes on "the prize". The relationship you want.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 40, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, separated 3 years, together 17
Alis volat propriis "She flies with her own wings"
separated 1/2011

Posts: 3587 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have gotten a few of these too. I always think "whattaheck?". I am not located in an area where your average person would be 'coming into town for work".

Their messages are always like "Thought it would be fun to be shown around by someone who is familar with the area..."

Ummm - Nope, I am not a tour guide.


When someone shows you their true colors, don't try to repaint them.

Posts: 1863 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ummm - Nope, I am not a tour guide.

They want a tour alright... but I'll bet its not your town they have in mind....


"Life's curve balls come out of nowhere.... just remember to duck and weave!"

ME - BW - 34
HIM - XWH - 38
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2421 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
idkam
♀ Member
Member # 18375
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ama- love your analogy of the 'done statement"...

ShellyB- gurl you know its a booty call...


Make Everyday Count..
Divorced

Posts: 1712 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Texas
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

and I absolutely DESPISE long distance relationships. I've done it before and I hated it.

Do you have a specific range (location) listed on your profile? If so, I'd consider that a boundary of sorts.
Just because someone asks you out, doesn't mean you have to give it any serious consideration- ESPECIALLY if it already crosses your "boundaries" (ie location, smoking, etc).

You know what you need to do.


Me - 41
My Rockstar (Hubs #2) - 46, faithful, & an absolute doll!
DD(20) and DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids (4 Dogs and 2 Cats)

The Cheater:
WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW. Undiagnosed SA?)
Married 18yrs

Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.


Posts: 5494 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: United States
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah....like I've said before.....I should probably get my 10 cats now and call it a day!

I'm so close to taking a break from this online dating crap.... people I'm interested in aren't interested in me and vice versa.... dating is just too dang complicated. ICK!


"Life's curve balls come out of nowhere.... just remember to duck and weave!"

ME - BW - 34
HIM - XWH - 38
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2421 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
I.will.survive
♀ Member
Member # 34677
Default  Posted: 5:59 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You need to weed these people out!

Yes, it's a booty call/red flag whatever you label it.

Don't respond or give thought to the men who don't fit STRICTLY into your wants and needs.

You are not going to settle. You don't have time for that! Your free time is limited. Make your dates count.

Remember, these men don't know you at all. They are throwing a wide net and hoping to reel something in. Be picky.


Posts: 524 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: east coast
Topic Posts: 13

Return to Forum: New Beginnings Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.