Well I feel like crap. I wanted him to be sorry and cry and show remorse but I feel bad he was crying and even after it all I dont want him to hurt.
Maybe im being to rough.
Advise from either side appreciated. What do I do now?
It's okay that he cried. You told him about something legitimate that makes you uncomfortable and if it made him sad, that's okay. He should be sad, it's not happy stuff.
I don't think you were too rough. I think when in R, compassion on both sides is important, and sharing your feelings is especially important. It's natural not to want to see him hurt but pain is often where the lessons come in for a WS.
"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."
He said that he knows he deserves it.
I wonder if this crying is a sign of remorse?
I think this is just a new tactic. He has told you to get over it. He has insisted this be rugswept..and all the while still sees the OW at work...which is causing your healing to slow..throw in his attitude and of course you are sad,angry,and you don't trust him.
How many times have you cried since dday?
Also..notice his tears were all about him...you're hurting his feeling by not being over his affair..and taking little digs at him. Hmm. I wonder if those little digs are the result of having kept quiet for too long and having to hold your feelings in? WS's like to rugsweep..but that will cause anger and pain to spill out of a BS in an unhealthy way..like little digs. You feel like you're going to explode..but you can't talk to him about it..so it comes out in other ways.
he is trying? What is he doing? Is he supportive? Understanding? Does he help you through your triggers? Doe he own his shit? Has he answered all of your questions? Is he honest at all times? Is he even trying to find another job since working anywhere near OW is a craptastic plan? HOW is he trying?
No..tears are NOT a sign of remorse. Tears can be very selfish. And manipulative. Actions..over time..consistent actions..that is proof of true remorse.
I think he threw a pity party for himself. Don't fall for it.
[This message edited by confused615 at 8:19 AM, July 29th (Monday)]
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
He tries to be supportive SOMETIMES for my triggers...
he is always honest
does looks for jobs, and have interviewed elsewhere.
takes all free moment breaks and lunch with me
got moved groups to avoid OW and not see her
But I can see your point about the pity party and crying might have been for him.
I need to think
Why shouldn't he cry when you honestly express anger over what he did?