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Newest Member: Hurtlostempty (45065)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: do i keep note to OW & her pics
heathenchristian
♀ Member
Member # 40060
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found a note to OW over a month ago where he stated he loved her but was not going to stand in line w/other guys. he denied seeing anyone, said he was translating it for a janitor he worked w/that was not educated and didn't speak english well.
he did confess to me that i was right he was seeing someone. well OW started seeing someone else. well she was the uneducated janitor. i also found pics she sent him that he thought he deleted. he changed all his passwords, he never locked his phone w/password. he has app that deletes messages aftr they are read.
so do i keep these things. i tend to keep wanting to look at them and that just makes me more angry and hurt
should i give them to him
i wanted to send them to his mom and say here is the christian man you raised and say hello to your poss new daughter in law
his mom has always commented about if you wanted to find him just look for the circle of girls. just pisses me off.


If you don't want me at my worst, maybe I won't need you at my best.
DDAY 1 - not sure but it was July, Aug or Sept 2010 (supposed bj from hooker)
DDAY 2 - 7-22-2013 she was the made up hooker

Posts: 99 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: IL
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Save everything. You don't have to look at it all the time. Put all your evidence in a locked box,and ask a friend to keep it for you. Sometimes WH come across the evidence and get rid of it(BIG HUGE NO). Also,you are very early into the R process. Cheaters lie and minimize. If you have any other evidence..emails..texts..etc..open a new email account and forward all of that stuff into that account. Do not give him the password. Further down the road,he may tell you something that sounds odd,and you will be glad to have that evidence to cross check what he is saying.

I still have all my evidence..in an account..he doesn't have the password..he knows about it..but has no access. he understands and accepts this.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7489 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
steph
♀ Member
Member # 11564
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keep it and if you tell him you have it or he finds out that you have it, NEVER tell him how you got it.

Do not let your guard down on how you found information, ever.

You don't have to look at it. I rarely, if ever, look at the stash of trash I have on my husband.


Me BS
Him WS
Married 27 yrs at first affair, now married over 30
Dday July 3, 06 False R for over 2.5 years, Discovery again 2/17/09 and again Dec 2011, same pathetic OW.

It's what you do when someone is not looking that reveals the most a


Posts: 2299 | Registered: Aug 2006
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why would you give them to him??? Unless using it to confront?? Then yes.

Make hard copies and hide them somewhere safe.

I don't look at the proof I have, but its in a folder, away, safe in case I ever need it.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
hotcoffee
♂ Member
Member # 39700
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keep everything. You don't have to look at it. But keep it.

Posts: 59 | Registered: Jun 2013
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keep everything.

Make copies of everything & forward/give to multiple trustworthy people & places.

Don't EVER let on to your sources of information.

=====

Because I've kept what I've found, I've been able to document STBX's perverted behavior going back decades, long before he even met me.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9714 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
StrongerOne
♀ Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keep it. In fact, keep at least two copies. I emailed everything to myself, I backed everything up on my work computer, and I made printed copies that I kept in a locked cabinet at work.

We are R, and I still have the electronic copies. The paper copies triggered me every time I opened that cabinet, so I shredded them. If you feel you are looking at them too much, make them inconvenient to get to (on your work computer, for instance!)

If I could go back, I would make a copy on disk and give it to a really good friend to hold for me.

You do not know at this point what info and evidence you may need, so just keep it all. And keep it safe.

And make at least one extra copy.

Big hugs to you. It's a terrible thing to go through, but you'll make it.


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 866 | Registered: Sep 2012
GrievingMommy
♀ Member
Member # 28127
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Definitely keep a copy of it safe somewhere. I have yet to erase any of my GPS logs, etc and we've been divorced for two years. No idea why I've kept them, but I have. I don't look at them or anything.

Once you delete them you can't get them back, so I'll do it someday.


Me - Now 36 y/o
WXH: Now 45 y/o and 18+ hrs away -NPD asshole now onto wife #3.
My sweeties: 5 yr old B/G twins. 90% custody (or more) since 14 months old.
D-Day 4/4/10 PA('s?) & EA's - D'd 7/11

Posts: 1691 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Upper Midwest
heathenchristian
♀ Member
Member # 40060
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I just don't want that reminder. I wouldn't give them to him. Just destroy. I do have her pics and the note on flash drive.
Thanks for the advice.
I feel the only way I will trust him is if I have his passwords and maybe have all his emails forwarded to mine. That's what I should have done the night I found the stuff.
I know it's going to take lots of time and even then I told him there are no guarantees. He's really trying I think. He is even changing his shift at work to be home with us more cause he feels like he's been disconnected for years.
Hopefully when his shift changes things will be better. I know I/we can't fix this overnight. I'm still very uncertain.


If you don't want me at my worst, maybe I won't need you at my best.
DDAY 1 - not sure but it was July, Aug or Sept 2010 (supposed bj from hooker)
DDAY 2 - 7-22-2013 she was the made up hooker

Posts: 99 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: IL
womaninflux
♀ Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Snooping feeds the cheating disease. At a certain point it is pain seeking and your energies are better directed in a more productive way- such as working on yourself to make you the best you regardless of the outcome of your issues.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 897 | Registered: Jun 2013
heathenchristian
♀ Member
Member # 40060
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you womaninflux.
That's kind of how I feel. It just drives me nuts & makes me angry. I am working on being a better me.


If you don't want me at my worst, maybe I won't need you at my best.
DDAY 1 - not sure but it was July, Aug or Sept 2010 (supposed bj from hooker)
DDAY 2 - 7-22-2013 she was the made up hooker

Posts: 99 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: IL
heathenchristian
♀ Member
Member # 40060
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you womaninflux.
That's kind of how I feel. It just drives me nuts & makes me angry. I am working on being a better me.


If you don't want me at my worst, maybe I won't need you at my best.
DDAY 1 - not sure but it was July, Aug or Sept 2010 (supposed bj from hooker)
DDAY 2 - 7-22-2013 she was the made up hooker

Posts: 99 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: IL
Topic Posts: 12

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