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User Topic: Another NC Letter?
changedforlife
♀ Member
Member # 38474
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found out recently that my WH broke NC yet again and has been in contact with the OW steadily over the last 6 months since Dday. :crying:

A NC letter was sent about a month after we decided to reconcile. I found this site and then discovered that he had been in constant contact with OW over that month of reconciliation.

So, since WH has consistently broken NC after sending a NC letter, should he send another letter? I think it would just be laughed at.

Right now, I do not believe there has been any contact for a little over a week and he tells me that OW has not tried to contact him. I believe she is just biding her time because every other time WH has broken NC anyway. I suspect she's figured out that I have found out about the contact since she has deleted her Twitter account that she used to contact WH.

However, OW may try to contact WH when I inform her BS about the continued contact. I was going to send her BS an email on Friday after my WH was done of work but my WH came home from work early. I want to do it on a Friday so OW will not be able to contact WH while he is at work and we would have the weekend to discuss it. Now I need to wait until next Friday. I want her world to be completely blown apart!

I kind of want another NC letter written for my sake but not if it is just going to be laughed at and broken again.


Me - BS/Him - WH (in our 40's)
Together 21 years/ 1 preschooler
D-day - Jan 24/13 He confessed about affair.
Broken NC -Feb 7-22,Feb 28,March 6
Continued Contact up to July 16
D-DAY 2-July 19 FALSE R!

Posts: 132 | Registered: Feb 2013
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think a NC letter would be pointless at this point.

Im so sorry. This has to be so painful.

((((cfl)))))

I don't think you should email her BH though. She knows you know about the continued contact,so she is watching her BH's accounts,waiting to intercept your email/message. Call him and tell him,so you know he knows. Hopefully with both of you aware,it will stop it from going underground again.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7484 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry to say, but at this point I'm not sure a NC letter would do any good. I would stick with contacting the other BS on Friday like you mentioned. Don't tell your husband that you're going to do it because he'll just give his OW the heads up and she'll concoct some story to save her ass.

(((HUGS)))


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
changedforlife
♀ Member
Member # 38474
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the quick replies. That is what I figured. I guess I just wanted him to put it in writing and I may get him to do it in a letter to me instead.

I am kind of wary of emailing the BS as well but I don't think I could speak to him on the phone without breaking down. I was going to ask that he phone me back and leave a voicemail that he received the message.

I'm not sure I will recover from this betrayal.


Me - BS/Him - WH (in our 40's)
Together 21 years/ 1 preschooler
D-day - Jan 24/13 He confessed about affair.
Broken NC -Feb 7-22,Feb 28,March 6
Continued Contact up to July 16
D-DAY 2-July 19 FALSE R!

Posts: 132 | Registered: Feb 2013
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So at no point has the A ended, correct?

I would be very cautious moving forward here in Reconciliation. If you decide to move forward, then I would make some serious demands for you to have greater security - post-nuptual agreement, moving assets into your name, etc.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
changedforlife
♀ Member
Member # 38474
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So at no point has the A ended, correct?

Yes, hurtbs, that is true. Although I have just been calling it broken NC, I see it now for what it is. The EA has been continuing all this time. I think calling it broken NC was a way to help myself minimize and continue moving forward because I don't see any other way for me.

As for making demands for my security, we don't really have any assets or money. We would have to sell the house and we would be lucky to just break even on it. More debt than anything else.


Me - BS/Him - WH (in our 40's)
Together 21 years/ 1 preschooler
D-day - Jan 24/13 He confessed about affair.
Broken NC -Feb 7-22,Feb 28,March 6
Continued Contact up to July 16
D-DAY 2-July 19 FALSE R!

Posts: 132 | Registered: Feb 2013
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you make copies of the proof of contact, then have someone bring it to the bs with a written letter from you to ensure *he* gets it?

I called the one BS there was but there was a language barrier, so I had a friend call who spoke Spanish with a copy of what I wanted him to know.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
WaryOptimist
♀ Member
Member # 19911
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So at no point has the A ended, correct?

You do realize that the problem is your WS, right? He's blowing smoke, and there's no way a second NC letter will do anything. I'm so sorry.

Inform the other BS, go 180 hard, and spend your energy on you and your wellbeing, and figuring out what else you need if you're even thinking of giving your WS a shot at R.


Me: The faithful one
Him: WS
4 great kids
Married 28 years, together 36
D-Day: April 1, 2006 (yep, April Fool's Day...)
Aaaaaas Yoooouuu Wiiiiiish...

Posts: 649 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Here & There
hard_yards
♀ Member
Member # 23549
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't bother with another NC letter.

Please protect your self respect and your self esteem.

In JFO, there's a post called "20/20 Hindsight, what I wish I'd done when I Just Found Out",

Read it, and read it again.

As hard as it is, your WS is still actively in an affair, it hasn't ended.

You've spent six months waiting for him, under the impression that he's NC, but he's not.

Please read and implement the 180, get yourself stronger quickly, so that you can make smart and informed decisions for yourself and your future.

You can't wait for him to give her up, because he's not going to as things stand.

If you have a chance to R, his affair has to end first. He can continue with her, but not as your husband. He has yet to realize this.

Hugs honey, stay strong.



I feel like I'm in a parallel universe... everything looks the same... but something's just not right...

Posts: 1238 | Registered: Apr 2009
RedRose
♀ Member
Member # 39584
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our situations sound exactly alike. I found out about the A in December and sent a brief text to the other woman telling her that I knew about it. In February, I found out that the A had continued, but thought that it had at least ended for a little while. Two weeks ago I looked at the phone records for the first time, and saw that they are still talking constantly. Looking further, I saw from the phone records that there never was a break like he had led me to believe.

Two weeks ago, WH called the OW on speakerphone to tell her that it was over. He says that it was really helpful for him to tell her about NC over the phone, and I was glad that I was able to hear it as well. Unfortunately, with all the TT coming out over the past few days, I don't think it will be enough to save our marriage, but hearing the phone call helped for the moment. Would he be willing to call, with you there?

[This message edited by RedRose at 3:55 PM, July 28th (Sunday)]


BW-35
WH - 35
2.5 year LTA

Posts: 159 | Registered: Jun 2013
trebleclef
♀ Member
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NC letters, phone calls, even face
-to-face brush offs are "not worth the paper they are written on" so to speak, unless the WS is repentant and serious. You cannot legislate faithfulness. They are going to be or they aren't.


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
Sissi12
♀ New Member
Member # 37163
Default  Posted: 1:09 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 24 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 12

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