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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Haven't posted in a long time,,
HolyMoly
♀ Member
Member # 36884
Default  Posted: 12:11 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

but I guess this is where I belong now. I read here every day & so many people have situations similar to mine, so I just read. I tried so hard & even asked him to read/post here...figured the wise FWS's might help him out. But no. He did nothing. Always made himself out to be the victim. Anyway, in April, while I was at home doing the taxes (last minute) he went to a convention in Vegas.

Can you see where this is going?

Yep, he was nasty upon his return. Asked him for some info I needed & he scribbled on a piece of paper. Then told me I could shove it up my ass. That night, lo & behold! I found a receipt for condoms on the dryer.

I confronted him right away and he screamed in my face that "he had a right to cheat!" This is the guy that gave me high-risk hpv. He then denied that he bought them. Said his friend used his credit card.

The reason he said he had a right to cheat was because I won't have sex with him. I put a VAR in his car & caught him saying several times, "Damn! Look at that ass, I'd love to f**k that ass!"

So finally, he agreed to move out, and did so the beginning of June. I have had sporadic contact with him. But recently found out that he dropped the ball with regards to his insurance at his new job. Essentially, because he didn't take care of anything, my three girls & I have no health insurance. I wrote a letter of appeals, for him, to try to get it reinstated.

Now the good part, such as it is...he moved in with a friend, a cop, who has a girlfriend with a degree in psychology!

She and I had a lengthy conversation & she says she has heard a lot of inconsistencies. Essentially, she knows he is lying!

My STBX has 10 siblings, and I have had little to no validation from any of them. God, it felt so good to feel validated!

Anyway, he finally admitted to having sex with a stranger in Vegas, just this past week. He fessed up because he came to visit the girls & he started in about how much he wanted me. So, here I sit, finally opening up to you all. I feel lost and alone. I feel like crying most every minute of everyday.


Posts: 112 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: California
numbandnauseous
♀ Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 2:44 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HolyMoly,
I wanted to let you know that you have been heard and I am so sorry you are here.

You are being treated horribly; that is no M that you are in.

What steps are you taking to get out (if that is what you are choosing to do?)

Hugs to you and I am sorry for your pain.


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
timeforchange
♀ Member
Member # 27454
Default  Posted: 2:48 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello HolyMoly

I am sorry you are in such pain and I wanted you to know that you have been heard.

It appears that your WS has shown no remorse.

I think you need to start the 180 for you.... Details in the healing library.

Do you have someone to support you IRL? maybe also some IC would be good.

I do think you need to find a lawyer .... You mention you have children. You need to start taking steps to protect them and you.

You may not be ready to end your marriage??? That is a decision that takes time to accept. However your WS has shown (based on your post) no desire to reconcile. You need to react legally. Sometimes that is enough to pull them out of their fog and into IC, MC and reconciliation.
Please in the meanwhile act now...
Find support and protect yourself.

You deserve so much more than you have the moment. I hope one day you find joy and happiness again.

Hugs to you .



Me = BS aged 43
2 boys, 13 and 9
DDay 1/19/10
Confronted him 2/16/10
Finally Divorced 8/29/12

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”


Posts: 726 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Expats in Europe
numbandnauseous
♀ Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holy,
EVERYTHING THAT timeforchange SAID IS SPOT ON. Read it again and again and again.....

Please, please see a L NOW even if you are not thinking about D right now. This was one of the few pieces of advice that I took from SI (I should have taken more of their advice sooner ), and I am so glad I did.

I saw my L for the first time about a month after Dday and it took me a full year after that to file for D. Seeing the L was very empowering. You will find out the laws in your state and what kind of settlement you can expect, child custody arrangements, etc. Then, your WH will not be able to bully you bc you will know the FACTS.

My SAWH tried to bully me by saying, "You'll have to put the kids in daycare (I'm a SAHM) and you'll be working if you D me." Well, SAWH didn't know it, but I had already seen my L and I knew that wasn't the case - I would get SS and CS and they would give me some time to transition to work since I have been a SAHM and out of the work force. So I just played it cool. If I hadn't already seen a L at that point, his bullying would have scared the shit out of me and would have made me stay longer. Don't let this happen to you.

Also, the IC recommendation is a great one, as well as the 180. Do all you can to take gentle care of yourself during this awful time. A hot bath, a cup of tea (or a glass of wine), a nice nature walk, listening to music, whatever gives you a little moment of peace.

How are you doing today?

Edited for clarity.

[This message edited by numbandnauseous at 12:55 PM, July 28th (Sunday)]


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((HolyMoly)))

What a mean ole bully he is!!! A scribbling entitled lying bully.

I am sorry you are dealing with him and the hurt.

Change is scary. No matter what the change is, it is scary. Later we can look back and see that the fear was for nothing, we survived and thrived!

I hope you begin to have some peace now that he is out of the house.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5573 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Topic Posts: 5

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