Right now your guts are immersed in ice water and you feel worse than you ever have before. What you need to understand is that what you're feeling is how your mind processes traumatic information. It plays it over and over again to "normalize" it in a way, so you eventually desensitize to it.
What you're feeling in your body is the holistic nature of the mind-body connection. As your mind is traumatized, your body reacts by presenting real pain. This pain is not imaginary. IT IS REAL.
But like all pain, it too shall pass. You will feel peace in brief spurts, and as days go by the moments of peace will stretch to minutes, then to hours, then to days. Eventually, the thought of your cheating wife and her scummy douchebag will not hurt you any longer. You might still be kind of pissed off when you think about it, or perhaps you'll see them as pathetic or disgusting. Either way, YOU'LL BE OKAY.
ALL of what you are feeling is NORMAL. The body and mind CAN SURVIVE THIS, just as you will. Change is upon you, and all change is hard, good or bad.
You have my support and respect, brother.
Whatever path you take you will survive this. It is crazy making. There were many many days I thought I wouldn't make it. It gets easier with time but many things can help. Take care of yourself!!!!
Try to eat even if you don't want to. Try to exercise even if you don't want to. Drink a lot if water. Try to find a hobby or activity you enjoy even if you don't want to. Keep moving forward even if you don't want to.
"Knowing is half the battle"
Expecting progress not perfection
I did not see WH & OW in bed, but I saw them sitting together intimately in a restaurant. I will agree with you, it is one thing to hear about them being together, it is another to see it with your own eyes.
I totally get the problem with mind movies.
Your going to make it. It gets easier as time passes and time will pass.
Just keep going. You will not always feel this bad. If you & WW reconcile, you will be able to have good times again.
Sending you strength.
I later learned that I was wrong. He wasn't different or special, he was just the same as everyone else. To top it off, I've divorced men who did less to me than cheat, yet I stayed with this one.
There were days I thought I wouldn't live through this, honestly there were. There were days in the early months where I danced with danger just to see if fate would take my offering. Fortunately, fate never did, and I'm still here.
It's now been almost 6 years, and I am better than ever. I trust my H again. I love him so deeply again. I trust myself again. Unfortunately I am very aware that no one is special anymore, but I accept that as a fact now. I can see the good in people again.
So, from one person who thought they couldn't survive this to another..... you CAN survive this! The pain will lessen as time goes on and as the work is done by both you and your WW. The thoughts will slowly leave, the images will slowly leave, the triggers will slowly leave. You can be better, you have to keep trying though.
I had suicidal thoughts which I now know was due to PTSD. Never acted on them at all but thought about it....
If you are into research google PTSD and infidelity. Articles by Joyce E Smith were very interesting and explained science behind what the shock of being betrayed by a spouse can do to a person. She describes coping techniques and your C may have some too?