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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: The dominos are dropping
eyesrnowopen
♀ Member
Member # 39055
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

History: DD 3/13, BH had two OW at work, one he met outside work. Over three years he admits to EA with no PA. All three were with him at confrences and one was at our house when I was out of town. He admits to intent only. Intent makes me feel just as betrayed. We have been separated since DD. I threw him out and he is acting like a victim as a result. We are both in IC and MC. He is blame shifting, calling me selfish for always asking ? About A and accussing him of lying.

Now: I sought L advice because he was starting to get angry and entittled and and trying to bully his way back in the M. I was advised that I should have 5 months emergency funds stashed away. I opened my own account and moved slightly more than half our savings money so it could be used only in an emergency to protect myself.

First domino: I explained to him that I needed this because I didn't trust him to pay our bills and in case of D I needed to have this so I would feel less vulnerable. I told him I thought we should still continue with MC and decide together if we should R or D and that I have not decided yet just making sure I was prepared.

Next Domino: I get crickets from him as to what he is thinking. He takes all the money out of our checking as I did not touch this because we have bills. All checks start to bounce. Still no return calls or text from him. I go to the bank and use emergency funds I just set aside to square the checking account.

Now what do I do? He has become angrier and angrier at me. He feels I am selfish and unforgiving and trying to control the situation. He acts like the victim. My MC says he is full of rage and anger and maybe we can get through this with time.

Do you think I poked the tiger and ruined any chance that we may have had at R? I just felt so powerless and the more angrier he was becoming the more desperate I was to make sure I had the money to protect myself. The thing is it felt so unnatural for me to act sneaky and take the money behind his back. I felt I could not share my plan and why until I had secured the money. Now I feel I will be forced to file as he will pull his paycheck, hence next two dominos. I'm not exactly ready to D yet and to throw away 17 years of M. Any thoughts for those of you who were here? I will also post in other threads.


This is the work within, having control over the outcome of our lives. Robert Bly refers to this as “Warrior work.” A warrior fights for a cause, something he believes in. As opposed to a soldier who merely fights for control – power or profit.

Posts: 83 | Registered: Apr 2013
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you discussed these dominos dropping in MC?

Anyway, unfortunately the best way to protect yourself right now is to look at a legal separation order (if your state allows this). You could get the protections of bill payment and possibly financial support ordered. This might be the last domino to fall.

As to your husband, who sounds like a WH (wayward husband) and not a BH (betrayed husband), I am getting the sense that he isn't willing to reconcile on anyone's terms but his. Another thing to discuss in MC. If he can't back down from then your choices will be very limited.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 51851 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Duplicate thread. Please see the other one


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 36811 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
Topic Posts: 3

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