I've been in R for 6 months.
6 painful, long, "hardest work of my life" months.
WH is doing all the right things. Attending SA, counselors (mc and personal), medication, following all my boundaries/parameters to the letter.
I was still triggering ridiculously much. Planning elaborate revenge fantasies on the OW he acted out with most actively. I'm a bit of a research junkie, so I got every known relatives address, wrote a exposure letter with documentation (didn't send it, just have it)...honestly. This was how I filled my limited free time. Not very healthy.
I've really been doing my own work on me, too. Pampering myself, therapy, focusing on my goals. Revenge and OW obsession was just like a little fucked up hobby on the side.
Fast forward to last weekend.
I spent 24 hours in a trauma center due to a fall. On my head. By all rights I should be dead.
Yet, here I am...by the grace of God.
A blown elbow and ankle, and a concussion. Every doctor said I had angels watching over me (I think I keep them busy right now)
I'm not going to waste any more of the precious time I've been given obsessing over whores from his past. He is in charge of his recovery. If he jacks it up, he's thrown away the best thing in his life....my kids and ME.
I'm going to work on my marriage, hope for the best, be prepared for anything, love my kids, and work on me.
Life is short, and I'm done wasting it on them.
I choose to thrive. I choose to be happy.
That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger...but damn, aren't I strong enough yet???