Also, gently, it's been 2 months. 2 months in I couldn't even tell you what day it was. Give yourself a break. Do something nice or try to do one little thing each day. You will make it.
Hang in there.
All that walking/running, pounding on things and writing nasty letters and emailing them to my trash bin instead of WH and OP must be working! I haven't done any of those things this week OR last week!
I'll still be ready for it though. Instead of my roller coaster going up and down all day long the curves/hills seem to be spreading out and getting longer. This must be a very long up. I'm still suspicious and waiting for the down.
But in the mean time I could take care of myself, I could work on my self, I could watch and acknowledge the work that my fWS was doing, we could work on our relationship.
"Knowing is half the battle"
Expecting progress not perfection
You need to find more productive avenues for your extreme emotions, which admittedly is difficult. At 2 months out I felt like a raving lunatic. As I'm sure you've heard the process of recovery is much like a roller coaster. Your emotions are going to vacillate fairly frequently for a long time. For months after D-Day I went from rage to despair to nothing at all on a seemingly daily basis.
I'd say for myself I started having a fairly consistent emotional state after about 8/9 months. And that was primarily "I'm fucking sad, but life's getting better." At 15 (had to check since I don't keep track anymore) months out I'm in a better place. Not where I want to eventually be, but in a good enough place to be content.
As early as you are, I'm sorry to say you're going to deal with this for quite some time. Stuffing the feelings or forcing yourself to feel a certain way aren't good.
Find methods that work for you regarding the feelings. Exercise, a hobby, journaling, posting on here, etc. It does get better, but it's a matter of time and effort.
Surrender to the truth of life.
I like swimming, waves and current analogies when it comes to feeling and experiencing emotions...so bear with me here.
Try to lay on your back and "float" if you can. Feel your emotions under you...Don't let them come over the top of you, dont try to dive down into them...there are too many currents and it will make you feel as if you are drowning.
Concentrate on the sun above. Some days it will be too bright to do even that...on those days close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing. Some days you open your eyes as far as you can and see no Sun at all...concentrate on your breathing again. This is fine...it is NOT a sign that you are somehow failing or that things are getting worse, neither of those two thoughts are correct or accurate.
By doing this you will, at a more manageable pace, slowly take in more and more of your world and the ocean you have been forced into will be less overwhelming.
Doing the above in conjunction with time passing will let you feel and work through some of the surface level feelings that lap at your back....the waters will calm. As they calm you will be able to dive deeper.
It will start as a brief snorkling expedition...then you will dive under the water but with your snorkel gear on....then you will be in a position to put on tanks and dive deeper....and deeper.
It is a process. Be patient and take comfort in this.
No one gets right in and fixes this...Lord knows I have tried.
God be with you.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 3:10 PM, July 25th (Thursday)]
At two months out....I sabotaged Valentines Day. I was exhausted by then but still had more in me. I could not deny the work H was doing to help me heal. I started to join in too. I read, went to IC and MC and did things for me like going to the gym and contributing to SI.
The more remorse and effort my H showed, the less anger I felt. Grant it. I have exploded twice in the last two months - the last time was two nights ago.
Take care of you.
So that means some days you will feel like crawling into bed and staying there - fine. Luckily WW has understood those moments and takes care of the kids.
It's a catch phrase, but really works - you cannot get over the pain, you get through it.
Let yourself feel EVERYTHING. You are in for a roller coaster. You will feel every emotion you can think of. It's OK and normal.
I did many things I am ashamed of. But I felt it. Let it come naturally.
The betrayal is PTSD. No one can understand unless they have been there too.
Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.
What has helped me is my closest friends, family, co-workers, IC and psychiatrist, my medications, reading infidelity books and of course my fav SI
(((Phoenix9572))) give yourself all the time you need to grieve.
Oddly, the last few days the edge to the anger seems to be gone. I'm still angry, but I mostly feel pain now. I spend a lot of time thinking about the betrayal and processing the feelings. I don't know where I'll be tomorrow, but I understand that people process different emotions at different rates.
That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger...but damn, aren't I strong enough yet???