I can't believe how much the 180 is working. I really do think so much more clearly and am not standing for the manipulation. Haven't had a hysterical crying jag all week, playing with my little girl again and able to focus on school.
All that said how do I respond to his lame ass attempts to connect with me? He says he is not engaging with her but he is also not agreeing to NC I.e. he will send back one word to her longs texts, he doesn't call her but takes her calls. It's just not good enough for me so I told him when he was able to cut her off completely we could talk R until then not interested.
Anyway he texted me today, "hello, hope you have a nice day"
WTF? Do you think I should acknowledge his effort (lame as it is!) or ignore?
Ignore.... kids and finances only, no chit chat, no "have a nice day"..
The truth is, unless he's all in, you're all out, there might be a chance of nice days if he goes NC and devotes all his energy to you.
Until then, if he has any form of contact with her, he hasn't let her go, and you're still having to share him. Not acceptable.
Hugs honey, stick to the 180, you'll feel better for it.
I edit, therefore I am.
If you acknowledge his lame attempt, then he will tell himself that you are fine, he's a nice guy, and everything between you is "friendly." His lame attempt is about him, not about you and your nice day.
You sound like you are doing great with the 180. Keep on being strong!
So, give him crickets. The sound of silence.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
The truth is, unless he's all in, you're all out
Exactly! You're doing great! There isn't anything easy about any of this trauma.
He's probably confused that you aren't praising his lame attempts at NC with OW, any form of contact, even eye, is not ok, he won't get it until your hard 180 hits him & hits him hard.
Have you set any boundaries? Such as "ANY contact with OW & you may find yourself looking to live elsewhere!"
Or warn him you are very willing to file & do it if you have to, it doesn't mean you have to follow through with an actual divorce. It's amazing how many WS's snap out of the affair fog when they realize they are about to lose everything!
Good luck, you're doing great!