Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: surprised1 (45370)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: If you go snooping...
pewpewpew
♀ Member
Member # 38116
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are going to find something eventually.
Ugh. I hate this saying/expression. I hear it ALL the time.
People who don't even know about the A say this about themselves, people they know or just in general.
NO.
Before the A I never had a reason to not trust WH. I never had a reason to look through his phone or question him until I saw the flags.

I have no reason to hide anything from WH. He is welcome to look at anything of mine whenever he chooses.

Why do people say such stupid shit?


ME: 30
WH: 35

Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.


Posts: 310 | Registered: Jan 2013
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because they haven't experienced it.

There's another saying that I don't like. "What you don't know what hurt you." Tell that to the unsuspecting BS that has caught an STD, or worse, from their WS.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of the guys at work uses that phrase - what you don't know won't hurt you...and another favorite. What's one more slice off a cut loaf.

It is all I can do not to smack him silly with a clipboard.


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Simply people that say those things are morons.
I like the idea of smacking them with clipboards though...


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8722 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is all I can do not to smack him silly with a clipboard.

OMG! The visual of this is hilarious


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
circe
♀ Member
Member # 6687
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Before the A I never had a reason to not trust WH. I never had a reason to look through his phone or question him until I saw the flags.

See that's just it. If you go snooping and you're not naturally a snoop, it's because you have already felt your gut telling you that something's wrong. And then you ARE going to find something, because that "something", and all the associated behavior that prompted the "something" is what was niggling at you to begin with.

And for those of us who made it through the emotional gauntlet of R, I can tell you based on my own obsessive snooping through FWH's phone, mail, email, computer, youtube history, car drawers gym bag bank account dvd collection box of crap from his childhood car odometer and what have you - at some point if they are no longer lying or cheating, you no longer find anything.


Posts: 3196 | Registered: Mar 2005
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^Circe nailed it.

ETA: For those that like to use phrases like "If you snoop you'll find something", a fitting response would be:
"Where there's smoke, there's usually fire."

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 10:10 AM, July 25th (Thursday)]


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6541 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
ArableSands
♂ Member
Member # 39830
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Add to the list of stupid things to say:

"What did YOU do to MAKE your spouse cheat on you?"

Sweet F***ing Moses I will shove a 50" flat screen TV up the arse of the next douchebag that says that.


Posts: 224 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Vancouver, Canada
CarlisleW
♀ New Member
Member # 39834
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I so agree that is a STUPID saying. With my exes I never had a gut feeling so I never had to snoop. With current WBF my gut told me 'something' was up and lo and behold he was on hookup sites.

If anyone was to snoop my phone/email/anything (for as much/long as they like) they would never find anything because I respect my partners too much to do anything wrong/cheat!


Posts: 5 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: United Kingdom
wanttogoforward
♀ Member
Member # 29912
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That saying to total bull! My H could snoop all day long on me and NEVER find anything... because I have nothing to hide... I've never done anything to even remotely damage our M.... if they are doing something they shouldn't then YES... they should get caught!

Posts: 1184 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still lost
Rainbows
♀ Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my case, Circe nailed it.

I'm not a snoop, never snooped on anyone before M. It never occurred to me to snoop because I'm an open book.

After WH and I moved in together, I sat down to send a quick email from his computer. There was an instant messaging chat left open between him and a woman he had dated where he was flirting with her.

I quietly snooped for a little while after that, but didn't find anything other than him telling her how much he loved me. I stopped snooping because I didn't find anything.

Later on, my spidey sense told me something was going on with him. I don't know if it was anything specific, just a sense. So I snooped in his phone and sure enough, we had our first dday.

In my case it was true, when nothing was going on, I didn't find anything.

People who say "if you go snooping," are forgetting to take integrity, honesty and commitment into account. It's not about the snooping, it's about being honest and trustworthy.


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 411 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Add to the list of stupid things to say:

"What did YOU do to MAKE your spouse cheat on you?"

Sweet F***ing Moses I will shove a 50" flat screen TV up the arse of the next douchebag that says that.

It's a good thing I wasn't drinking anything when I read this.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG on Dday when I confronted the MOW she told me that I shouldn't have been looking through WH's phone, really!?!?

I used to be a very happy, devoted wife and am still a great mother. I did everything for this man and stood by him through everything. I used to NEVER snoop. I NEVER had suspicions until I saw the writing on the wall

Now I snoop because I don't trust him. Pretty sad.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Had to add sister n law whos a cheater saying to me...
" are you ready to accept your part in why he had an affair?"

I said," i accept my part in our shitty marriage BUT NO, i was not and am not to blame for his affair ever! Are you fucking serious?!"

Sister n law has been AP a few times. She sees herself as a helpful friend who gives the poor guy a shoulder to cry on about his horrible relationship. She also lets them hide in her magical vagina and its all the betrayed partner/girlfriends fault for not being understanding and listening. Funny thing, these men always go crawling back to the woman they cheated on and sister n law thinks she "helped"..so her brother just went and found himself some "help" in mow vagina and arms for awhile. So get over it.

Edited to change one word..oops

[This message edited by sunflowergirl30 at 2:23 PM, July 25th (Thursday)]


Together 21yrs married 18yrs
2 kids, now 19 & 16
Bw: now 38
Wh: now 37
Mow: now 50
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1079 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
circleoflife
♀ New Member
Member # 39702
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sayings that drive me crazy! If he(or they) aren't getting it at home they'll go somewhere else! WTF--really go to hell!!
Yes, I've heard the "you're going to find something" too. F-off all of them. Sorry having a day...stupid people annoy me


Me BW (36)
WH (39)
together 16 years
2 kids: 6 DD & 10 month DS
Dday:4/18/13
TT: 4/26/13
TT: 5/6/13
more TT: 6/13/13
more TT: 7/9/13

Posts: 40 | Registered: Jun 2013
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not true. If your spouse isn't cheating, you won't find evidence of cheating. It's pretty simple. That's why he who has nothing to hide, hides nothing.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4149 | Registered: Sep 2005
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I so wanted to slap sister n law. She has never been married. She has been the habitual ow and 2 of her 3kids are oc.

She can get the guys to sleep around with her, hell she enables them..but they never leave for her. Its sick.

The guy shes with now dumped sister n law when she shut down her bakery. She showed up on his doir step with oc. He got dumped shortly after it came out about oc. Then he suddenly after 3 yrs new sister n law was "the one" fyi he cheated on sister in law and she acts like it never happened. He " loves" her to much. They are miserable.


Together 21yrs married 18yrs
2 kids, now 19 & 16
Bw: now 38
Wh: now 37
Mow: now 50
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1079 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
Jennifer99
♀ Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's why he who has nothing to hide, hides nothing.

That used to be me. But I'm not even the WS and now I hide EVERYTHING.

I hide conversations with friends, I hide lists I make myself. I don't leave my email open anymore (he could get all my contacts and do mean things if he wanted), I changed passwords on everything. I quit sharing a computer with him and got my own. I have a cell he isn't allowed to touch (after eons of not having one because he said they were stupid, i.e. made me too independent).

I now hide money.

I hide my rx's.

I hide my feelings.

For a long time I hid my health problems and IC appointments until he accused me of cheating on him and I had to produce appointment slips.

I HAD nothing to hide until he made me feel scared and insecure and threatened then my hiding was self-preservation/protection.

I am slowly unhiding all that stuff just because its exhausting, I've since recognized, and I don't have to fear him. There is nothing he can do to me that I can't handle anymore.

But hiding doesn't always mean bad.


Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
Bikingguy
♂ Member
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a BS, I wish I could say I never did or said anything against our M.

I have certainly said things about her parents in other forums that would hurt her. Ironically just before d day I moved a pretty big sum of money to purchase a car and did not tell WW.

About a week after d day I recall when the statement came about the money transfer my heart raced, I was a nervous wreak and at the time made some terrible excuse. I did fuss up later that night. But it really hit my how I would make a terrible WS, the guilt probably would have eatten me alive.

However since D day we have both made a commitment to be completely open and honest - more than we ever have. Even the hard stuff! I still look at her emails, facebook and google voice, but really what do I expect to find. I would like to think if she started up again would be smart enough to hide it better - like she did for 15 years


Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 675 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wh hates SI and i have to hide that i come here or it turns into a big argument. Its stupid and pathetic. I probably look very suspicious on my iPhone and changing screens, login off...

Wh doesnt want me to talk about it and especially not talk about it on SI! He thinks everyone on SI is against him and anti-marriage.

I tried to share it with him when i first joined. He just is not introspective or deep or honest enough to get SI or what he did.


Together 21yrs married 18yrs
2 kids, now 19 & 16
Bw: now 38
Wh: now 37
Mow: now 50
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1079 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
Topic Posts: 22
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.