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Newest Member: SoGutted (44679)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Okay I broke NC because....
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got a text this morning that WH uncle (one who enabled him with A and we were all very close at one time) is now going to hospice and has a few days.

So I broke nc... is that bad? I just said I am sorry and that I will try to go see him...

Anyways, I have done alot of thinking and it seems that wh gets like this to me when someone close is dying.

When he found out about his mom 4 years ago is when he started the A. After she passed in June it stopped.

In May when uncle started really going down hill wh started to get real distant and pulling away and started the freedom thing again but more in depth. Started looking at life is to short and all that nonsense.

Does alot of this play a roll or is it an excuse to keep being this way to me?

Anyways, back to nc.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does alot of this play a roll or is it an excuse to keep being this way to me?
I don't know that the answer to that is important, FwL. The fact that his "go to" coping skill is treating you badly and cheating? THAT is what matters. He lacks the emotional maturity and life skills to be in a committed relationship. Period.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 24938 | Registered: Aug 2011
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very true Nik,
The stuff that goes through our minds is crazy, however, I have not focused on it but it does pop into my head and I push them out because it really doesn't matter.

I keep saying to myself that I am wonderful and loving, he does not want you so move forward you deserve the world.

I truly believe that if a man loves you and wants to be with you he will move mountains to be with you. I not seen that in years.

So I don't want to waste my heart, love, and energy on a man who does not want me.

I am learning slowly but I am just fine by myself. This is not my loss!

I feel very bad however, that he doesn't see what he is losing out on but again not my problem.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honey? One day you will realize that what he wants or doesn't want is immaterial, because you won't want him. ((((FwL))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 24938 | Registered: Aug 2011
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can't wait til I feel that way. It will make life so much better and easier....

Thank you for your support. I love when you comment on my post.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
laney57
♀ Member
Member # 35617
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Faithful,
I don't have any grand advice, as we seem to have a lot in common... with feeling the need to comfort or make things better for someone that has treated us so poorly...but (yes the but) I think you are doing wonderful in NC and being strong. I hope to learn!


Me - BS, 43
Him - WH, 45
Married - 22 years
D-Day - 05/12/2012
Trying to find me.
Gotta do this, but I'm broken - headed for divorce - 02/20
Hell if I know - 02/24
INS 07/2013 Divorcing

Posts: 226 | Registered: May 2012 | From: KY
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

laney57,
there is no lie in when they all tell us it is the hardest thing to do. I mean we as we knew it lost our bestfriend. The person we were always there for but they were not there for us. For me I HAVE to break this chain or I will be in bondage the rest of my life for someone who does not want to be a real husband to me or man for that matter.

I have to pull away from texting him, I have to make myself do something different. Yes, in my heart I want to be there and help but in my mind I know better.

The other thing that is really hard is when they are not wanting us. The rejection is a real fustrating thing and hurts mainly because we didn't do anything but maybe yell and scream about our pain, ask questions that upset them to pull back further from us. But, that is not our fault. We should be able to express all of what we feel, because we have to go thru it not around it.

When you have a unremorseful wh it makes things that much harder to the matters of the heart but you will get through this as will I.

I am new at this and I have been doing this for 4 years now and seperated 1 year. And I am now just starting to NC.

Be strong. You are worth it!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ps: You are doing great.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 24938 | Registered: Aug 2011
Topic Posts: 8

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