Having sex is not addictive but the chemical changes that take place in the brain during sex are highly addictive. The desire for this change in brain chemistry is what drives an addict to do things that would be considered out of character.
Such at risk behaviors include:
Unsafe sex Consistent use of pornography Use of prostitutes and/or escorts Use of dating ads for sexual hookups Sexualizing all conversations Crossing sexual boundaries with coworkers, friends and acquaintances
One indicator that an underlying sexual addiction may be present is when someone is willing to continue engaging in risky behaviors that have negative consequences. For example, a husband will lie to his wife in order to get a free hour to meet an escort for sex. After the act, he feels tremendous shame, guilt and remorse about his behavior. Over time, the negative feelings decrease and he acts out again not because he wants to sleep with other women, but to satisfy the dopamine cravings for excitement, risk and satisfaction of sexual urges. The husband is not looking to have affairs, he is seeking sex. Sex addicts are not looking to have a relationship with the individual they are acting out with.
Sex addicts often make impulsive decisions based on insatiable urges that are very similar to drug or alcohol cravings. Consequences of impulsive decisions related to sex addiction may include:
Loss of job Loss of relationships Contraction of sexually transmitted diseases Sexual dysfunction.
Oftentimes, sex addicts will also use drugs and/or alcohol to escape from uncomfortable feelings and the reality of dealing with the consequences of their addiction.
Together 20yrs married 16 yrs 2 kids, now 17 & 14 Gutted wife: now 36 Cheating lying husband: now 35 Married old whore: now 48
I strongly disagree. I have read many books regarding this. Dr. Doug Weiss (especially) explains it very well.
THE CHEMICALS BEHIND THE ADDICTION...
Just imagine you’re shredding the slopes as a foot of awesome powder flies up around you. Now you’re face to face with someone, experiencing the anticipation just before your lips touch theirs for the first time. Now you’re base-jumping with the wind rushing at your body as you free fall towards the ground. And now you’re alone, looking at pornography on your computer.
Every day you have experiences like these, but one of these things is not like the others. Check out how this works—there are four main chemicals your body produces that help you feel good: Dopamine, Norepinephrine, Oxytocin, and Serotonin. Now I know this isn’t chemistry class, so we’ll keep this simple. When you’re out doing what you do, your brain releases these chemicals to give you a rush, or make you bond with people or remember the details of a moment.
While the chemicals are busy helping you feel good, your body and mind are linking that feeling to what you’re doing. Basically, it’s these chemicals, and the associations they reflect, that keep you coming back for more. Now that’s cool when the experiences are good things like adventures, or hobbies, or healthy sex, but when the experience is viewing pornography, the end result can get pretty ugly.
Yes, it is scary and heartbreaking all in one!
In his book The Drug of the New Millennium, the Brain Science Behind Internet Pornography Use, Mark B. Kastleman (founder of Candeo Can program) provides a very detailed description of the process that takes place inside a pornography viewer’s brain. In order to understand these processes, the author first examines how the brain is designed to work in a healthy sexual relationship. Then he compares it to brain activity during the pornography viewing session.
The Narrowing Process of the Healthy Marriage
In a healthy marital relationship, sexual intimacy creates powerful physical, emotional, and chemical changes: The Narrowing Process of Internet Porn
When an individual enters the funnel through pornography viewing, the physical and chemical processes are virtually identical to those in marital sexual intimacy, but with some radical differences…
Sadly, sexual addiction is real and yes, it does affect the brain.
Think it's more an intimacy issue than anything else, but an admittedly very pedestrian opinion on my part.
Pretty much everything we do can produce chemical changes. Hobbies, hell even shopping.
No studies to back this up, just my view. Women cheat just as much as men and for many of the same reasons.
'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth
You can disagree if you like, but it there is zero evidence to support the idea that SA functions similarly to chemical addiction.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-sexual-continuum/201307/new-brain-study-questions-existence-sexual-addiction
I thought there were already brain studies of sex addiction? Surprisingly, no one has previously examined their brain in action. A few research groups included “porn addicts” in brain imaging studies of internet use problems, but none of those researchers actually analyzed the sex group separately. A couple of research groups published small structural brain studies, which means images of the brain when it is not doing anything in particular. We have colleagues in Germany who are currently writing the first fMRI results of their hypersexual patients, so anticipate more research in this area soon.
Surprisingly, no one has previously examined their brain in action. A few research groups included “porn addicts” in brain imaging studies of internet use problems, but none of those researchers actually analyzed the sex group separately. A couple of research groups published small structural brain studies, which means images of the brain when it is not doing anything in particular. We have colleagues in Germany who are currently writing the first fMRI results of their hypersexual patients, so anticipate more research in this area soon.
The results of the fMRI studies will be especially telling either way, and could bear out the idea that SA is similar neurologically to chemical dependency, but otherwise there is no real data. Scare sites like "your brain on porn" are uninformed and junk science sites that do far more harm than help, in that they deter people who really are suffering from getting the appropriate care, which in this case should be behavioral.
As many chemical dependency detox follow behavioral therapies it's not surprising the same structure would help, but following the wrong avenue of reasoning eventually just hits a wall and allows for a cycle. There is no magic drug here. It's still a significant unknown, and anyone who claims to be a definitive expert on a subject this murky is IMO either cashing in at the expense of people in real pain, or far too arrogant.
Chemical changes *do* happen, but as UO said, they can happen from anything - behavioral modification of the brain is part and parcel of therapies like CBT and EMDR. Actually, it's also why talk it out therapy is poison, because it continually revisits and reinforces a trauma, burning that into the brain even more.
Pretty much everything we do can produce chemical changes. Hobbies, hell even shopping. No studies to back this up, just my view.
No studies to back this up, just my view.
There are studies for that, iirc, a lot of CBT and EMDR are built off them.
These self same chemicals are released when a man has sexual relations with any sex partner he has ever had. These chemicals were intended to bond a man with his wife
...you appeared to be invoking these chemicals to support your opinion that men are predisposed to cheating. I asked if women are affected by the chemicals also; you didn't answer. But your documentation provides the answer, thanks, because AFAIK none of it mentions gender. Do the chemical reactions occur in sexual addicts? IDK, but that wasn't your point, nor was your original question, "Must sex addicts always be unfaithful?"
It must be sad for you to walk down the street and regard every man as a filthy cheater. I hope someday you can disabuse yourself of that notion.
For the record, my profile name fits. Five long term relationships(Defined as greater than 2 years *exclusivity*), 5 cheating women. Might it not be apropos for me to reverse the gender and ask the same question?
I fully realize that this is not the case. I am attracted to *fixer uppers* evidently. If you wish, a KISA complex. I need to fix ME. I picked them.
This is the first time I have attempted R. (Thanks to this site). I do love my FWW. I hope she's up to making the changes in herself that allow her to address her issues. Believe me, I'm making changes to address mine. It won't, no can't, be the same M it was before D-day.
Strength
No, I do not take responsibility for my fathers SA or any of my husbands SA addiction problems.
I don't think that's what ANYONE (and certainly I) was saying.
Of course you're not responsible for their behaviors and choices. But you ARE responsible for YOURS. You are 'always' (according to you) ending up with SA men. Why is that? And it is hurting you. What is it in YOU that needs changing so that you are better able to start treating yourself better and avoid this type of man?
There are no quick fixes to anything, just a choice of whether or not to try (given all the information) to apply what has hurt you in your life into becoming a better person because of it.
Well I never said fixing yourself was quick!!
But 'becoming a better person' is more like what I meant when I said fixing yourself. NOT so that you will stop 'making' all those men around you SA , but so that you become a better and happier you. THAT'S the message here, sorry you got the wrong end of the stick.
[This message edited by DeadMumWalking at 11:52 PM, July 25th (Thursday)]
Sorry, but to be repeatedly told..."it has nothing to do with you"..by IC's and others....and then have yet others tell me (basically)...It is ALL about YOU... can leave a person in quite a conundrum if you know what I mean?
[This message edited by HurtButHopeful? at 1:14 AM, July 26th (Friday)]
If all men cheat, then all women must be faithful.
I should apologize to my wife for my wayward ways that led to her sucking another mans cock in our garage and fucking him in our bed while she distracted the kids with a video, and blowing him in a public place and having sex in his and his wife's bed while their kids were at school and she was at work, and then having sex with him in a strangers house as well as in a local business where he worked, and in the woods near where we live, and in a parking lot.
My behavior is so shameful for causing this upheaval in our lives while I was at work.
OR
Perhaps you need to understand that misandry, which is what your views are, is no better than misogyny. They are both equally abhorrent behaviors.
**The cruelest lies are often told in silence- Robert Louis Stevenson
