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Newest Member: MovingPast (44273)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Porn
loveejazzmin
♀ New Member
Member # 40019
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you forgive your spouse for watching porn? How do you try to rebuild your 23 yr old marriage? I am needing help on this one because of kids are involve. I want to get a divorce but that do not solve everything. He went to Sex Counseling for one day. Do I make him go to more sessions?

Posts: 6 | Registered: Jul 2013
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:47 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The tricky thing is that if we're "making" them do anything then it's not really going to stick.

The only therapy that actually works is the one that someone walks willingly into.

Does he want to stop watching porn? Is he showing remorse? You can't fix this on your own - he has to meet you with his own efforts.

(((loveejazzmin)))


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16411 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Dallas2
♀ Member
Member # 28362
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Jrazz. I pushed this issue in MC and on my own.He did just like any WS in an active A. He just hid it better and was more sneaky. I caught him a year later, came home early by a day and he didn't have time to hide the evidence. I spent a very busy day while he was at work and when he got home, the fireworks started. He doesn't have to quit or meet me half way. He was flat out told no more. If I suspect it again I am taking the computer to be checked out and I am gone. No questions.. For me this is more damaging than an A with an OP this is just the most selfish thing I think he can do. It can also be an addiction. In case you can't tell pron is a deal breaker for me. If you want to keep your M send it him back if that is important to you and set your boundries.


Me

Posts: 828 | Registered: Apr 2010
dargirl
♀ New Member
Member # 39909
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my husband hired a hooker 5yrs ago and spend $12000 in paris on her, I forgave him, then just recently he had an aline affair with a scammer in ghana africa, he planning a getaway with her to rome and then sent her 2200 wired, paid for rooms non refundable in rome, I went away for a week to canada to visit family get my head around this.. and when I got back I found out that he joined ashely madison their tag line is " lifes too short have an affair" he spend over $500 onine there... then was on porn sites, spent a bunch of money there.. went on a date with a girl.. spend 249 for dinner .. swears they never did anything.. he is still lying... I feel sick.. been with him 14yrs.. he says he may be a sex addict.. he wants to go to councelling.. i feel sick.. cannot function, afraid to go away again hence he does more.. I took all his cards.. re money. he is still lying.. not sure what to do... feel helpless.. I am 15yrs younger than him.. a good wife, sad

Posts: 26 | Registered: Jul 2013
Ann124
♀ Member
Member # 29289
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

loveejazzmin
I have sent you a PM

Posts: 384 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Back Home ... And feeling Great!!
loveejazzmin
♀ New Member
Member # 40019
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ann124 I did not receive the PM

Posts: 6 | Registered: Jul 2013
loveejazzmin
♀ New Member
Member # 40019
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dallas2 Thanks for your response. I will be talking to him and give him what should happen. Someone also told me to have sign a contract of if he is caught watching porn. He will sign off on the divorce and move out without taking anything.

Posts: 6 | Registered: Jul 2013
loveejazzmin
♀ New Member
Member # 40019
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jrjazz and dargirl Thank you for the responses. He sent me 30 texts saying he will do anything to make me happy and keep our marriage. So I hoping that he means that because porn is not going to be a part of my marriage. If he thinks it is I will divorce him

Posts: 6 | Registered: Jul 2013
BFFGone
♀ Member
Member # 38263
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries!
Set some up regarding porn.
It's just like a kid in a candy store, you can't walk a hungry child in and say, "Don't touch any, EVER!".
Remove the addictive behavior. It's a slippery slope.
You deserve respect. Porn, given his past, does not respect you.
xoxo


I choose to thrive. I choose to be happy.

That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger...but damn, aren't I strong enough yet???


Posts: 71 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 9

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