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User Topic: Complicated mess. - should I tell him?
musiclovingmom
♀ Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H's first OW just got engaged to the father of her 7 children. They have been in an on again off again relationship for well over a decade. My H was dating her for about a month before he and I got together. Supposedly, OW and baby daddy were not together at the time. When H and I decided to be exclusive, my H continued contact with her (EA) for several months and slept with her once on Father's Day weekend while I was out of town. It's been 2 years since their EA/PA ended (she told him she was pregnant with twins - a boy and a girl - but she lost them. He didn't respond and she mostly quit trying to talk to him.)
Idk for sure if they were off or on while she was involved with my H. And, it has been 2 years since they have had any contact (her oldest daughter has messaged him twice in that time). Should I tell her fiancée or let it go?

Posts: 1105 | Registered: Jan 2013
ArkLaMiss
♀ Member
Member # 14918
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YES! Always tell.


Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?

Posts: 1202 | Registered: Jun 2007
musiclovingmom
♀ Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm worried about backlash from her. Seriously, I've enjoyed this time without her drama and my saying something will most definitely incite retaliation from her. She knows my ex husband and he doesn't know about any of this (he is just vindictive enough to try and use it in court to get my daughter). I don't have any of the proof. The phone they used is long gone and was through a different provider. And the fb messages detailing her miscarriage and begging him to care for their babies is long gone.

Posts: 1105 | Registered: Jan 2013
ArkLaMiss
♀ Member
Member # 14918
Default  Posted: 11:47 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, send something anonymously. I think he deserves to know who/what she is.
Obviously this is something you feel the need to do. I say go ahead. Then, if your ex asks, gaslight the hell out of him. He can't prove it was you, right?


Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?

Posts: 1202 | Registered: Jun 2007
musiclovingmom
♀ Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still struggling with this today. She is a compulsive liar, highly manipulative woman who is likely to be completely unremorseful. (Not a soecifically A related evaluation. I've known her since we were in jr high and she has always displayed these traits) She won't just push to make her fiancée believe I'm lying, but will do whatever she can to damage me. Shortly after she slept with my H, she called my exH (who she was trying to date), while our daughter was in the hospital to cry to him that I had called her a home wrecker (not true, I knew nothing of the A at that time and still have never given her credit for wrecking my home). I know her fiancée deserves a relationship built on truth, but I REALLY don't want to invite her crazy back into our lives. The only way I know how to contact her fiancée is via fb. Haven't been able to find a mailing address yet.

Posts: 1105 | Registered: Jan 2013
whattheh
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think you should feel obligated to do anything that you feel will bring more stress into your life.

Sounds like you know the OW very well and that you feel this will surely come back and bite you. That's the least of what you need right now.


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 563 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 6

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