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Newest Member: madattheworld (45057)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Words of Wisdom
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think one of my very first posts on SI was titled "Words of Wisdom?" Now I'm removing the question mark for this post.

I was texting to the wee hours of the morning with an old friend last night. She had a lot of words of wisdom to say about my current situation (and her past situation). I thought I'd share them here, in case they can help someone else. They really rang true for me.

But she is gone. It doesn't matter what she thinks anymore, unless you think aliens will miraculous come and change her!

I quit smoking 11 weeks ago. Every time I thought about it, I said, "Yeah, but I don't do that anymore". Our exes are a poison to us. An unhealthy addiction like smoking. But we don't do that anymore.

I'm extremely angry at my ex but I had to let that go. I was miserable with him and I'll be damned if I'll let him make me miserable now!

But don't let me fool you! I cry and drink too much and eat cake out of the box with a fork. He will never know it because any reports back to him are about how great I'm doing.

Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing how low you can feel.

Our kids are the ones who need us the most because they have no choice who their other parent is. That is why we heal and get stronger.

It is more realistic to make yourself stronger for your kids than it is to hope that the other will treat them better than they treated us. Aliens don't come. They don't change.

You can't go back, it has already happened. The only thing you can control is how you proceed from here.

I have figured out the things that don't have to be bad and how to deal with them. I have also accepted the fact that I am responsible for how balanced I keep myself. I only drink to celebrate or enjoy. Never to feel better or because I've had a bad day.

I am careful to reward myself with positive things. I have rewarded back on about 65 pounds!

When I feel like eating cake for supper I call a friend and ask them to come and cook with me. XXX and I have made some amazing creative healthy dishes together.

I don't love the fact that I am alone but I'm pretty complicated so I know it will be someone amazing who tries next.

I will not settle even if it means being alone.

I don't feel that he strayed because I wasn't good enough. He strayed because he wasn't.

I'm not boring in bed. I'm just not as qualified as a hooker.

Your goal is to be a person your kids can be proud of.

There is more to come and you will miss it if you are looking back.

My friend was just a normal person when we hung out 20 years ago. Now she has some smart shit to say!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1984 | Registered: Jan 2013
laney57
♀ Member
Member # 35617
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pass,
I quit smoking 11 weeks ago. Every time I thought about it, I said, "Yeah, but I don't do that anymore". Our exes are a poison to us. An unhealthy addiction like smoking. But we don't do that anymore.

This! This is where I want to be yesterday. Thank you Pass and friend for post!


Update 09/28/14
Me - BS, 44
Him - WH, 46
Married - 23 years
D-Day - 05/12/2012
Trying to find me still
Gotta do this, but I'm broken - headed for divorce - 02/20
Hell if I know - 02/24
Divorcing 09/28/14

Posts: 228 | Registered: May 2012 | From: KY
Griefstricken25
♀ Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is more realistic to make yourself stronger for your kids than it is to hope that the other will treat them better than they treated us.

This one is hitting home today. Stupid sperm donor struck again, financially, here. And the ones who will suffer? His kids.


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2521 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not boring in bed. I'm just not as qualified as a hooker.

This one almost made me spit up my drink!


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1136 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:52 AM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love them! Thanks for sharing.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5161 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 5

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