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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 12
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm no alpha, I make a mean tater salad, but I replaced the central heat/air unit in March, drive a pickup always, work on my own shit because I'm poor & feeding kids. If I didn't do laundry I'd have no clean clothes.
The OMM was one of those office GQ types, all manicured & shit.
Other one was a long haired maint. man who stank of cheap cigs.

go figure.

What's in yours, Kite? Mine is simple-taters, onion, sweet pickle cubes or relish, mayo, shot of Plochman's, celery seed, salt/pepper


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Red taters or gold?


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Dec 2011
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

gold or just regular white(called "Irish taters"down here), I got a cream sauce I use on those little red ones. Butter, half n half, Wondra flour, salt/pepper-make a roux with the butter/flour, just to about gold color, then add the half n half, cook it down to thick, put on those boiled little red taters=heaven!


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like the red ones but if there's meat there most any potato will do.

I realize I was not very coherent there when I said B444, I was in that thought process because he is our resident Sarge and thought particles kinda crashed together.

64 I think you are more an alpha than a lot of guys because what I was trying to drive at was the thing that all those badass guys shared in common was the willingness to put their families ahead of themselves and operate around a certain basic set of personal responsibilities. Everything else was just personality.

What is a leader of men if not a man who takes care of his own? Don't sell yourself short man.

eta:

Also, I never thought to boil down taters *under* a roux like that, I need to try that shit sometime. That sounds awesome.

eta again: *under* not *into*

i cant blame the coffee now I'm just an idiot

[This message edited by StillGoing at 8:27 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)]


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FWIW, cooking is very Alpha. Fire, knives, food on the table. How primal can you get?

I do most of the cooking in our house because I'm better at it than W, but I'm basically a Beta.

What I learned from Kay was that "comfort and security" only gets you so far with women, and once you get there, more isn't better.

What I also saw was that I was dialing down my natural Alpha traits to try and please her and it wasn't doing either one of us any good. Not just about her A, everything.

So I'm turning it back up a notch, and you know what, she likes it. I do too.

Not practicing growing hair on my chest or dragging my knuckles or anything. Just being a bit more authentic, something all of us BMenz strive for.


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I meant I'm not "alpha" according to the stereotype-no creatine muscles here, my body was made by Miller.

I understand about being a better cook, my fWW burns stuff trying to rush things.

[This message edited by 64fleet at 9:52 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)]


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What's in yours, Kite? Mine is simple-taters, onion, sweet pickle cubes or relish, mayo, shot of Plochman's, celery seed, salt/pepper

Taters(whatever WW brings home from the store-the last batch was Russets) which I boil for at least an hour, Vlasic relish, onions, and slices of apples.

On another note: I was a cowardly child and teenager, afraid of my own shadow - a bully magnet. Maybe the daily ass-kickings administered by my parents had something to do with that, or perhaps it was just my nature. As an adult I ended up being 5' 11" and 150 lbs soaking wet.

So I decided to do something about my wimpiness after watching every Bruce Lee movie I could. I signed up for martial arts classes, earned a black belt in Kenpo Karate, and became an instructor.

Guess what? Not only did WW become a serial cheater during my "manliness" stage, but during a phone conversation with one of her scumbags, he revealed to me that he knew all about me and that it would be illegal for me to punch him out. So apparently Mrs. Kite preferred a cowardly liquor store clerk over me.

There's no making sense of her motivations so I stopped trying to figure her out. She's just broken. The appropriate background music for whenever she begins speaking is either the theme from 'The Twilight Zone' or 'Yakety Sax.'


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Back to my Audie Murphy comment. Read his background sometime. Penultimate beta type. Under pressure became the ultimate Alpha.(MOH winner in WWII. Most decorated also). Pressured into changing his basic personality to play an Alpha after the war. Ultimate crash and burn.

Don't know where in the spectrum to throw myself. Don't really care for the labels. Started my pubescent years with coke bottle glasses and braces. Loved to read sci-fi and catch bugs. Girls weren't a factor. Couldn't have caught one if I tried. Throw in overweight and some not so flattering comments and nicknames were bestowed upon me.
By senior year in HS, benching 300#'s, capt of football team, college scholarship, state track and swimming, president of choir, yada yada yada. Couldn't and didn't beat the girls off. BTW full time lifeguard outside, so sun blond hair, deep tan, green eyes. Real fucking shallow time of my life. Lost myself. All the women attracted to that shit had the emotional depth of a mirror. By the time I was 30, was on my 3rd ltr with an unfaithful SO. Number 3 was the 1st M.

Walked out of that one with some serious readjustments. I was a single dad with primary custody of a 3 yo son. Had to reprioritize my life. I found that kid with the coke bottle glasses whose moral compass was intact. I became Mr Mom and Dad. I was intact, complete. All the abilities of the Alpha, but seriously a Beta by choice if labels must be applied.

Today, I'm middle aged with arthritis in the spine, shoulders and knees, a pretty good belly going and bald. I like me. I can down a half bottle of Jack and still find my bed.(Don't do it often, but work sometimes calls for it. BTW, did I tell you guys I like my job?) My golf handicap is in the single digits, I'm liking the Warhammer books(love to meet Dan Abnett someday). I did a flip on my kids trampoline for my 50th B-day much to my 8 yo's enjoyment. I do all the grocery shopping, 98.5% of the cooking, most of the dishes and laundry. I do it because its what needs doing. I defy anyone to categorize me. I am me! Just that, no more.

Took me finding this site to realize that though. The 180 was critical in that growth. I too fell into that emotional needs trap. Fuck that. What I want is a wife who is fulfilled in and of herself. I want to complement her, not complete her. We will walk side by side, not with one of us carrying the other. If there is a need she has that she can't fill herself, I am going to be very frightened. A desire? That's another story. Hell yes I'd want to fulfill that.

Ran long. Just wanted to ramble.

64, try adding fresh shucked peas to the roux bout 5 min before finishing.

More, great read, thanks!


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2071 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mr. K

Damn, that sucks, but I know exactly what you’re talking about. As I came to learn (much later), my W had a list of FOO issues as long as her arm. Like ripe fruit ready for the picking, if POSER #1 hadn’t popped her, #42 probably would have. I did not see that coming.

But, not to engage in any “blame the victim” or take anything away from our WW’s shitty choices, from Kay’s point of view, you might have had the Alpha turned up a little too high. It’s all about balance. Everything is. I had it turned down too low.

And, to depart from the piece of SI orthodoxy that says “All A’s are all about them”, nothing is ever that black and white. Over here in BMenz just about every one of us starts by looking for what we did that had anything to do with our WWs going off the rails. That’s because we’re guys. We take responsibility, and even if something is 99% her and 1% us, we go to work on the 1%. Because that’s what Alphas do.

[This message edited by MoreWould at 11:16 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)]


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I signed up for martial arts classes, earned a black belt in Kenpo Karate, and became an instructor.

Ever watch the "Enter the Dojo" martial arts parody videos? Here is the rape prevention class:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsxNC0vcKZE


Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Back to my not liking labels.

That’s because we’re guys. We take responsibility, and even if something is 99% her and 1% us, we go to work on the 1%. Because that’s what Alphas do.

I like the way you started, but would have preferred *That's what Men do* to finish. I absolutely refuse to give a POSER the dignity of *Man* as a descriptor. Men act with Honor, Honesty, Dignity, Commitment and Compassion. A POSER has none of those traits.


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2071 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On a lighter note. We're trading recipes on the Menz forum. Wait til the wimmenz get a hold of that!


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2071 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

54

I'm happy with your edit, just threw in the Alpha reference because I do think it represents that side of our dual personalities.

BTW, I think POSERS represent the absolute worst of Men, and especially Alpha traits.

My WW ran into one that made a hobby out of fucking married women. Where's the Code of Guys that outs those POSERS and dumps them in a ditch with their dicks stuffed in their mouth?


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Later - thanks for that. Pretty damn funny. The good part about getting involved in that culture is that it allowed me to release all that pent up rage. I was blessed to have an instructor for many years(now an attorney in LA) who recognized that rage and helped me channel it properly.

you might have had the Alpha turned up a little too high. It’s all about balance.

During this period of my life I was working full time and getting a degree in criminal justice. Maybe I was too busy to notice her fuckedupness. NaaaaaaaH!!! I could have been with her 24/7, waiting on her hand and foot while wearing an apron, and she still would have done what she did. Broken people don't need an excuse.


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Where's the Code of Guys that outs those POSERS and dumps them in a ditch with their dicks stuffed in their mouth
Dude. This. 1000x.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
RyeBread
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Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suppose I should throw my 2 cents in before this thread gets recycled again...

Seems like the term "alpha male" is so subjective. I think the issue has more to do with letting others define who we are. Or at least letting the pressure of that influence us. Through my own personal struggles I have learned that letting others define me makes me weak and subserviant. I feel powerless and depressed.

I find Popeye has it right:

And I yam what I yam and I yam what I yam that I yam
And I gotta lotta muscle and I only gots one eye
And I never hurts nobody and I'll never tell a lie
Top to me bottom and bottom to me top
That's the way it is 'til the day that I drop, what am I
I yam what I yam

I would rather be who I "yam". That may mean I cut toxic people out of my life who can't accept ME.

eta: And of course my statement refers to men who have morals and values. Not the POSERS of the world. They are the furthest thing from alpha.

[This message edited by RyeBread at 11:36 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)]


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WW ran into one that made a hobby out of fucking married women. Where's the Code of Guys that outs those POSERS and dumps them in a ditch with their dicks stuffed in their mouth?
1

Unfortunately it went out the window with the concept of Fault Divorces.

As for the concept of picking out the married ones. Back in my early "Alpha" days, they would have been the easiest targets. I did still have enough of a compass that excluded married and/or committed women. I did have the *Guy Code* embedded. Shit, the married ones were the first ones that usually surfaced. There were 4-5 of us male lifeguards that would hang out and drink after shift on the beach. The FIRST people that would usually come over to join in were the MARRIED women!!! Personally disgusted me, the other guys, not so much. (Remember, busted compass at the time). Got pretty good at checking for tan lines(On the finger ). Never, NEVER knowing hooked up, but never said anything to the other guys. Kinda disappointed with myself over that.

Anyway gotta get back to work. Not a Jack day unfortunately! LOL


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2071 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah 5454, I don't know that I ever gave it much thought -- but I have never remotely considered a married woman. Just general guy code. But now, having gone through this, I think I would be likely to step up if I saw someone else trying.

On another note, if you ever have a woman refer to your status as "happily married" run for the hills. She is throwing out the bait to see if you will bite.


Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Popeye and the Old Testament had a lot more in common than I thought.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"happily married"

Agreed, run like hell, intentions have been made, they know exactly what they are looking for, and it's not a meaningful relationship.

As if there are different degrees of marriage. Happily, ecstatically, coincidently, acceptably, madly, terribly, unhappily, shitily. Doesn't matter what adjective you put in front of it your still MARRIED! IMO there is no fucking asterix to the status "married". Either your married with vows to respect or your not.
End then marriage then you can be "unmarried" and sleep with you ever you want.
If they don't respect the word Marriage as is intended by itself, then they see it as a mere formality with permeable walls that can be breached and crossed as they see fit.


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 427 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
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