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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 12
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had some pretty intense mind movies myself, early on. One of the ways I was able to start toning them down was changing the outcome of the mind movie in my head. It is my mind, after all, right? So I'd add a clown suit onto POSOM, complete with a clown wig and makeup running down his face, because he was sweaty. On top of that, I'd change my mind movie to where he simply couldn't get it up, and my wife laughed at him. At that point, I would imagine an entire live studio audience appearing and laughing at him, and he'd run off the stage, embarrassed and scared.

Brilliant!


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not over reacting at all. You should have a plan in place to be able to tackle it before it grows any further. may be plant a VAR and if you hear something untoward, just let the guy know politely that it ain't cool - even what seems 'small'??

Thanks bro
My plan is the big D. As time passes more of these bills will be paid and ill have less debt. No more chances. I couldn't be plainer. If she falters she needs to be prepared to be gone.
I mean shit. Onstar is already on the car. She's asking me to add her back to my phone plan.
I don't want to play warden. I don't need her anymore.
If my thick skull has learned anything from here it's that I don't have to put up with it. If she wants it she'll get it and if she does she won't be coming home anymore. I won't live like that again.

NE
Mind movies
Yep. I get them. Just yesterday. Sometimes generic. They make out in the back of his POS vehicle. He pushes her head down. She gives him a BJ. He cums In her mouth. Horrible shit.
Then in technicolor. Hands all over her body, up her shirt, down her pants, she has his dick out, he puts her head down and she obliges.
Crazy shit but I may or may not let it play out. Depends. It can be like a wave. It washes over you. Almost like when you quit smoking and you get a nicotine fit. Eventually it passes.
Almost like a lurid porno. Sometimes you don't know what to make of it.
But remember this. It wasn't porn star sex. It was nasty and it was filthy between two broken people. It's over. Done.
My WW of course said it sucked. In hindsight it probably did. Do I buy that... No but even when I was single not every girl was great.
It happened and if we are trying to reconcile then in some way we are accepting that and pushing forward.
My WW and I have sex often. We still enjoy having a few glasses of wine and she has also permitted a few more liberties.
OM is long gone. I'm fucking her now and time is just putting him further in the rear view mirror. Someone here said we're fucking his soulmate repeatedly.
Your a strong guy for dealing with this. For putting up with the movies. It would be so much easier to hang it up. I have left women who did it before and my memory of them disappeared fast. I never really dealt with an aftermath.
My advice isn't solid but from my experience I control the movies. I don't let them control me. I either let it play, allow a brief moment of jealousy, anger, betrayal sink in and then I dismiss it. I give it it's just time. I remember the feelings just so I stay honest. Then I...
Suck it up and drive on with the mission.
Keep working on yourself. Work out. Build confidence. Build up your relationship and allow her an opening towards your respect.
Anger accomplishes nothing.
I realize we are dealing with broken people. I've been positive mirroring my WW. In a genuine way and I have gotten a lot in return.
It takes time, patience, intestinal fortitude. We chose the high long road. I don't know if I'll even be successful in tolerating her bullshit but I haven't thrown in the towel yet.
Stay strong brother.


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

3 years out I still get them too. They seem to creep in when I am at my weakest. If it's during the day I try to find something else to be pissed at. Like Blood Bowl. You can't play that game sober and NOT get pissed after awhile FUCK YOU AND YOUR GOD DAMNED DODGE ROLLS ACROSS THE WHOLE FUCKING FIELD FOR A TOUCHDOWN IN ONE TURN kind of thing. For awhile I tried to do productive shit but even trying to exercise it didn't take my mind off being sad/pissed/depressed so I embraced it and funneled it at other shit like that. Then after awhile, you yell at something stupid you just kinda feel stupid and move on.

I'm sure it'll manifest differently for me again soon but that's what is working atm.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7119 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The story here is that she didn't take it as anything and we all know that's how it starts....
They just don't get it.

No they really don't. My WW is smart, one of the smartest women I've even known. But knowing where that line starts is like her kryptonite.

She used to bitch left and right about how there wasn't enough time in the work day to get done what was being asked of her. Well come to find out maybe things would have been different if she wasn't spending and hour lunch break with the two of them visiting either on the phone, in the office, or actually having lunch at a restaurant.
It's the main way she operated in the A for so long, just all in a days work.

So anyway about a month ago someone new at work asks her to go out for a "work" lunch with him. And while a working lunch meetings aren't all that uncommon for her, this person had no reason to need that type of interaction for work. Get this here's the line..."He just wanted to get to know me better since we have to work together."
She didn't see it even though I smelled it without ever having to see or talk to this dude. I mean really, I immediately wanted to punch his teeth in, and she had already told him okay. It wasn't after me giving the "What boys want" speech did she finally see the problem and cancelled the lunch. But on her own, no she didn't see the invitation for what it really was.

Moving forward that is frightening because I don't want to be her fucking prison warden either.


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 429 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This weeks beer...

That's Mud in your eye


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 429 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Outfuckinstanding DR
Now riddle me this Batman:
Ever notice how WW reacts if another woman even smiles at you or gives you a compliment.
They get catty. Immediately. They will glare at you or roll their eyes.

They know. It's no different.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 5:53 PM, August 9th (Friday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope I'm not late for happy hour. Here's one of my local favorites:

Cheers!

[This message edited by LosferWords at 6:01 PM, August 9th (Friday)]


Posts: 4581 | Registered: Dec 2010
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Man I'll have a quaff o that!

I gotta laugh. The eyes that missed nothing
are shuttered by lies.
The eyes that were once beaming roll (they roll fuck that!)
project their manufactured sighs.

How in the world could such lies exist in the eyes
of the one I loved and promised so much?

Hm. Don't care. That's your lie. Some things die.
In between the crystal sweaty sheets I'll survive
it'll piss you off when I thrive.


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to give you guys an update:

We picked up the kids today. We're all camped out in the living room to help ease the transition after watching Madagascar to get the kids settled down for bed.

The dogs are piled around the room sleeping on and around kids.

I don't remember the last time my heart felt this full.

We are so blessed.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WAL, a while ago, I commented that my family was my escape. IMO, you're living the dream brother. Congratulations.


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2087 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

that sounds awesome, WAL.
I'm genuinely happy for you


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
DecadeCentrifuge
♂ New Member
Member # 39406
Default  Posted: 12:08 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like Blood Bowl. You can't play that game sober and NOT get pissed after awhile FUCK YOU AND YOUR GOD DAMNED DODGE ROLLS ACROSS THE WHOLE FUCKING FIELD FOR A TOUCHDOWN IN ONE TURN kind of thing.

Fuck yeah Blood Bowl!

I thought I was the only one who thought of this shit in gaming terms...


Me: BH - Happily Remarried, but dealing with old stuff

“I'm losing my mind in a bedroom with a ghost
and I'm losing my mind in a bottle while I choke
I stayed years with you, no one knows (but I want them to).”
– Thought Industry


Posts: 44 | Registered: May 2013
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 12:59 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the update, WAL. Brought a tear to my eye. In a good way. Congrats to you and your family.

Posts: 4581 | Registered: Dec 2010
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 6:15 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad to hear that WAL

Ever notice how WW reacts if another woman even smiles at you or gives you a compliment.

It's funny, isn't it? My wife has no problems advertising herself for free on the internet, but gets riled if I have a conversation with another woman. Pure projection. I guess in the mind of a cheater, that's all they see.

[This message edited by Tred at 6:35 AM, August 10th (Saturday)]


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 6:55 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's funny, isn't it? My wife has no problems advertising herself for free on the internet, but gets riled if I have a conversation with another woman. Pure projection. I guess in the mind of a cheater, that's all they see.

Yes it is. What's good for the goose isn't good for the gander.

Got this text the other day. She feels I am ready to leave at any moment. Which I am. When you fuck other men this is one of the many consequences. She has to look over her shoulder all the time. She broke the vows and has to live with the instability she created. How does she know I won't meet somebody else? What can they do about it? What kind of power do they have to prevent it?
Nadda and at the same time it is disrespectful to assume well commit the same immoral thing that they did to us.
Her

I've kept you at a distance a little because I feel you let go. I don't know if you will dump me ASAP at any moment for a another woman. You're certainly entitled. I just don't feel accepted by you or anyone right now. I love you. I am just letting you know how it makes me feel. I still feel like I could be out on the streets any day. I love you very much and want to be a close knit family. I still feel like you have others waiting for you if or when you change your mind. That's all. It keeps me away and a little weary. Trying to explain.

And in her mind its for another woman. Never because of what she did. Not because I would want to be free of her. Like I need another woman to immediately replace her. Laughable.

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To some people, remorse and empathy are just words in the dictionary. Words they've heard.
They can gin up lots of tears, and things that look like the real thing, but underneath that histrionic masquerade is regret. Sorrow for the consequences. Sorrow for the pain they are feeling.
The reason they cannot understand your heart is because they're divided from their own.

Woot to the wal man! That is awesome.


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That sounds awesome wal.

Not quite as awesome but still kind of awesome, the restarted XCOM: Menz is kicking ass. wal, jjct, numb&dumb and Sal1995 grounded the alien Battleship and retrieved a couple of fusion power cores so Bigger and whoever the next heavies are can get FUSION POWERED ROCKET LANCHERS. Those aren't as awesome as Blaster Launchers, which shoot green plasma basketballs that ignore line of sight and just trundle around the battlefield sidestepping obstacles to go KABLOOSH and destroy everything that threatens humanity but it's still one-man operated ordnance powered by fusion. I wonder if you need to keep your mouth open when you shoot that thing.

B444, I dunno, it sounds a little self centered but the upside is that she is trying to share what is in her head. For my wife that stuff was hard since she was so used to hiding it from, well, everybody. Not saying it doesn't suck but maybe she is trying and just don't know how to get there.

Hope everybody has a good weekend. I'm currently being Ogre Dad because there are NO CARTOONS until rooms are picked up enough to vacuum.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7119 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope everybody has a good weekend. I'm currently being Ogre Dad because there are NO CARTOONS until rooms are picked up enough to vacuum.

That's awesome. When I was a kid there was nothing better than a bowl of cereal and Saturday morning cartoons.

Self centered is my WW's middle name. It's all about her. How she feels. She obviously wants me to boost her confidence and reinforce my feelings towards her. Help her heal. Devote more time and energy towards what's broken inside.
She has to discover that on her own. I basically just listen now. Positive mirror. I won't engage. She has to find it on her own.


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
mike7
♂ Member
Member # 38603
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

congrats WAL. I'm really happy for you.


BH 53
WW 52
Two kids 21, 18

DDay 1/15/2013


Posts: 261 | Registered: Mar 2013
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fuck yeah Blood Bowl!

I thought I was the only one who thought of this shit in gaming terms...

Man I missed this before.

Blood Bowl is like life. Sometimes you are up by 2 and it's second half and you are receiving, half their players are dead, crippled or stunned from repeated boots to the face and the fans piled on to the ref so he can't call fouls on you, Bloodweiser babes have the rest of the fans drunk so you don't have them throwing rocks at you... I have no idea where I was going with that.

Update on XCOM: the Menz have unlocked the alien base but half of them are crippled because Sal1995 lost his shit when a rookie got killed and unloaded a few rounds of panic fire into everybody. He didn't kill anyone but.. well he did kill the other rookie but we built a SHIV robot and it totally rocks, so that's okay.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7119 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
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