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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 12
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember being sent to Oregon by the Army to attend the Basic Non commissioned Officers course(BNCOC).
I said to a guy on the plane from Oregon that I heard it rained a lot.
His reply was " at least it's green!"
The whole 2 weeks I was in the woods cold, miserable, and covered in mosquitoes. I had to smother myself in army issued bug juice that warns on the label that it WILL cause cancer.
Anyway this thread can use a little Knife hand. Works wonders in confrontations. (Not me in the pic)
And Sergeant is spelled incorrectly, but cool pic

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 6:23 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't ever let your wife talk to another guy about her problems.
A shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on.
A public service message
Carry on

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 6:58 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the pubic service announcement.

WBWB!


Posts: 5992 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

pubic

that's exactly how I read it too


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2380 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn
I jacked that whole thing up
Re read!

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


GMTA

Posts: 5992 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You shoulda left it sarge! lmao!

Posts: 5992 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Again, apparently nothing but time on my hands...


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 419 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AWESOME

Change the second to this
A shoulder to cry on
Becomes a dick to ride on
Better flow!


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sir! Yes! Sir!


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 419 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PERFECT!

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The whole 2 weeks I was in the woods cold, miserable, and covered in mosquitoes. I had to smother myself in army issued bug juice that warns on the label that it WILL cause cancer.

Up until recently I was one of those people that the bugs never bothered. They still don't harass me that much. I'm left alone enough that if a mosquito bites me I am still offended by the little fucker.

On an unrelated note the XCOM: Menz bugged out. I dealt with it teleporting aliens around just fine but when everybody glitched out around the map and got slaughtered standing on top of trucks and shit, well, it was not pretty. XCOM: Menz will ride again, and there will be A BRONAMI.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7086 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BRONAMI!!!!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE THAT!

Posts: 5992 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 6:12 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's hard to fathom the fallout my WW has had since her A's and the things we have had to deal with.
Even throughout the whole ordeal I really believe she is a box of rocks.
I took her to see her probation officer the other day, seriously, never in a million years did I ever think I would type that and although I did ,in a weird way I saw that as insurance for the kids and I because of her fucked up behavior.
Anyway she was in and out. The probation officer is not concerned about her at all because she isn't the typical offender.
I'm driving her home. She tells me she will soon be required to phone in once a month only. She has less than a year left.
Then adds
He was nice. He said he liked my dress.
Holy shit
I was like seriously. He said that?
She like yeah, he didn't mean anything by it.
I'm like yeah ok. What if a woman said she liked my outfit?
I added that I wasn't making a big deal out of it. Just a point. I thought it was funny. Typical guy shit.
I could beat my head on the wall.
I said I appreciated her putting that out there because now it's not a secret. It kills it.
She said she had actually forgotten about it.
No big deal. Everyday shit. My WW is hot and it happens all the time. Most wives haven't been vulnerable to shit like that. She has. ( when I say most women I mean loyal wives don't spread their legs to this)
The story here is that she didn't take it as anything and we all know that's how it starts. Pretty soon a WW with validity issues would start dressing up for these little meetings looking for more. Discussing their problems etc...
Anyway it was identified at the onset.
They just don't get it. The guy is a meatball but looks really never mattered before and he has a certain amount of influence over her.
I wasn't upset but was I over reacting?

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 7:08 AM, August 9th (Friday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
StillGoing
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Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think you were overreacting. You're hypervigilant and it sounds like you conducted a relatively calm and rational conversation about it.

My wife is incredibly smart. Before there was wikipedia to get lost in and eventually end up at Philosophy (if you go down enough rabbit holes in wikipedia you always end up at Philosophy, there's even a game for it) I would ask her shit. "What does Parabola mean? Oh, I thought it was a hat Australians used as a weapon, cool." "Can I use a hammer to fix this? Oh, sorry, yeah take it to the vet." I never thought I'd say "What were you thinking!?" to her, for my part. It's like the part of the brain that deals with Preventing Stupid Shit goes tharn during an affair or something.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7086 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 7:17 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am hyper vigilant now
We know how these things can go
First dress
Then listening to her problems
Then they are best friends. He understands her
She's in luuurve
Lets fuck
Isn't that sad. A simple compliment and we have to pay attention now because in the past this was a red flag we ignored.
Seriously OM liked her "back hand" in tennis. She told me. Spider sense tingled and was brushed aside but sub conciously I knew then And there.
Shoulda, woulda, coulda
Now I gotta squash it like a bug.

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
thinkingclear
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Member # 38884
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am hyper vigilant now
Now I gotta squash it like a bug.

I don't think you over reacted at all. I think you handled it well. The problem with it, at least for me, is redeveloping trust when I know that my WW doesn't *see* those issues in the same light as we do.

I think most of us have always known what those type of comments mean. We're guys. We know that there are only a few reasons we talk to women and if we are honest with ourselves if we offer compliments to women other than our wives we have our own *agenda* for doing so.

How can you re-establish an open and trustworthy relationship with a WW who cannot recognize those situations for what they are? Or in the very least they should have the desire to learn to recognize those situations. It is great that she told you about the compliment, but she clearly enjoyed the affirmation.

The wayward's here on SI get it. I have immense respect for many of them because they have done a complete system overhaul: upgraded their operation system and rewired their thinking. I know that I'm projecting here because my WW hasn't done that kind of work. She doesn't know what she was getting from her POSER other than attention. It is so much deeper than that. My WW, and it appears your wife as well, needs to dig down deeper and diffuse the importance of male attention. Being hot only makes that more difficult, because she has likely gotten by her whole life off of her looks and the *value* that offers her.

My point is being hyper-vigilant is cumbersome and tiring. I am myself. I don't yet know how to let it go completely, but I know that I don't want to live the rest of my life looking over my shoulder. I want a partner that understands and protects our relationship from outside influences. If my WW cannot find the path to enlightenment and rewrite her internal coding, I know we will have not learned a thing from this awful process.

[This message edited by thinkingclear at 8:47 AM, August 9th (Friday)]


BS - Me
WW - Her
10 month EA/PA

Posts: 211 | Registered: Apr 2013
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TC
Your are exactly right.
I said to her that he is a guy. That's what guys do. Knowing my WW she enjoys that.
In this particular circumstance and after a few minutes of conversation she threw that compliment out there.
Bravo
I told her that I appreciated that and added that when a woman compliments me I let her know and that effectively kills any seeds from growing. I don't keep it to myself. Kind of like clearing the soul. Eliminates any temptation or relationships outside of marriage from forming. It's not like a brag fest or anything, I just don't want misunderstandings.
She did this. I validated her by telling her she was very attractive but it wasn't his job to tell her that. I'm a guy. I know what guys do.
He may be nice. He may have been making her feel at ease. Him and I get along well and I know he is extending a courtesy to me by just letting her float through the system until she's done.
But the fact remains
We have witnessed here through countless stories that you can't trust anyone. Best friends, co workers, tennis instructors, doctors, etc.
I certainly don't trust this guy. I don't know him and he has a lot of authority that can be mishandled.
A comment about her dress is off base. She's like a recovering cheater right now and falling off the wagon would be bad.

LOL, jeez... I almost sound like I'm her dad now. That is all kinds of fucked up.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 10:28 AM, August 9th (Friday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
noescape
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Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wasn't upset but was I over reacting?

Not over reacting at all. You should have a plan in place to be able to tackle it before it grows any further. may be plant a VAR and if you hear something untoward, just let the guy know politely that it ain't cool - even what seems 'small'??

i've been struggling over the past month or so, specially the past few weeks. mind movies!!! WTF???? its over 3 years out and I never had the full truth, yet I am awake at all hours; barely sleeping for days on end, just watching HD, 3D, graphic and (sometimes) disturbing mind movies.

I just dont get it, am so detached right now, we barely talk, there's no drama, no A talk, no timelining nor much intimacy. sex is a rare incident. yet the fucking mind movies, almost like taken a life of their own. filling in details, postulating new directions, just a complete mind clusterfuck. I almost watch them like a detached observer; not like turned on, but neither entirely repulsed (as I guess I should be/had been when this whole shit started).

any inputs?


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

noescape - Sorry to hear you are dealing with such intense mind movies. That really sucks.

I had some pretty intense mind movies myself, early on. One of the ways I was able to start toning them down was changing the outcome of the mind movie in my head. It is my mind, after all, right? So I'd add a clown suit onto POSOM, complete with a clown wig and makeup running down his face, because he was sweaty. On top of that, I'd change my mind movie to where he simply couldn't get it up, and my wife laughed at him. At that point, I would imagine an entire live studio audience appearing and laughing at him, and he'd run off the stage, embarrassed and scared.

Probably sounds weirder than shit, but it worked for me. Good luck.


"The hero of my tale, whom I love with all the power of my soul, whom I have tried to portray in all his beauty, who has been, is, and will be beautiful, is Truth." - Leo Tolstoy

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